Hidden cam wife

2020.11.24 14:09 DrElsewhere There Was A Noise Coming From The Back Of The Hearse

Even in the glow of neon lights I could tell he was a funeral director. His dapper suit, slicked hair and mannerly tone was in deep contrast to the lushes who frequented Mandy’s Pub every Friday night. When he slid into the booth beside me there was an air of superiority to him. I didn’t mind, of course, as I was on my fourth Ole’ Fashioned and the numbers he’d told me the day before tumbled through my head like shoes in a dryer.
10,000. TEN THOUSAND. One - zero - zero - zero - zero.
Cash is good, I thought. Cash means alimony free. It was enough to finish my year’s rent. Enough to feed me until next Christmas. Enough to replace my closet of old rags and stained jeans with something fashionable enough to attract a lady. Enough for a decent used truck that wouldn’t whine to life like the one parked out back in Mandy’s parking lot.
However, I didn’t think of any of these expenditures when the funeral director told me the payment would be in cash.
Instead, I thought of my 17 year old daughter, Ally. I could gift her the $10,000 by paying for her tuition into State. Maybe the act would change her mind about not attending college. She would go if it were cheaper, I’d told myself. Ally was prudent about finance and had saved up every penny of birthday and Christmas money she had received throughout her life. I’d seen the wad of cash tucked in a jewelry box and was proud. That’s why I envisioned a CPA license in her future. She could do something great with her life, unlike her old man. And unlike that bitch mother of hers.
A mere 20 minute drive could change my life, I thought.
And I was correct.
Back in the bar, I watched across the table of empty whiskey glasses as the man who had offered me the job fumbled for the words to say. He was nervous, out of his element. He was the director of a family-owned funeral home located in our small community and he, if the rumors I’d heard were true, was in a bind.
I was familiar with his business, Westwood Funeral Home. We used them when my grandmother passed away. They’d been in business that long. Over the years, I’d also attended the visitations of a few friends there as well. Nice place, very accommodating.
“Why’d you call me?” I asked across the table.
“I heard you were ex-military.”
“That’s true, but still not an answer.”
“Tour in Iraq, right?”
“Two,” I mumbled and took a sip. “How’d you get my number?”
“We have many Gold Star Families that use our facilities and I, in a roundabout way, was given your cell number. So, can you do it?”
“Why can’t you do it?”
“I’ll be accompanying you. This situation, well, requires a particular person that can handle tension. From what my contact told me, you’re quite level-headed under pressure. Nothing is more pressurized than war, am I right?”
“I don’t talk about my time in the Middle East.”
“Fair enough. Can you do it? Can you be the driver?” The director withdrew a large envelope from his jacket pocket.
“Half now, half after services rendered, correct?”
He nodded and I rolled the ice around in my drink, the clicking overpowering the soft hum of classic rock from the bar speakers.
“I’ll do it,” I said. “But I want you to answer one question first.”
“What’s that?”
“Is it true everyone at your funeral home quit last week?”
The director’s lips pursed and his eyes studied the table. “Yes. Everyone except me and one new manager. My family wants no part in this.”
“They want no part in what?”
“That question might be better suited for a pastor or priest.”
I then tilted my head back and drained the glass. The director proffered the envelope and I took it. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
As instructed, I arrived at Westwood Funeral Home the following morning before the sun rose. The director was there, waiting under the loading dock, the faint awning light casting his shadow back to the row of pines in the rear of the property. He’d already situated the hearse to the proper position, trunk open, a gurney kissed to the rear bumper of the vehicle.
The gurney was burdened by a casket.
I parked then approached the scene, tossing my spent cigarette into some loose grave and patting my jeans to double check my essentials: phone, wallet, keys. And Bessie.
My approach startled the director, but when he spotted me he immediately called me over.
“Grab the handle here. No, here. Then hoist it into the trunk.”
“Don’t these things weigh a ton?”
“Let’s go, dammit.”
“I’m not pulling a muscle because you’re irritated, ten grand or not. Go get that fella that still works for you to help us. The, uh, the manager.”
He didn’t have to say anything. His expression gave it away. It was then that I noticed how similarly dressed we were. There was no longer a suit or pair of polished oxfords. He donned a t-shirt, dark stains on the front, and some slacks that were probably as old as the hearse. His hair was unkempt and sweat matted his bangs above his brow. Before me was no longer the dapper director from our bar meeting, but an overwrought man on the edge of a breakdown.
“The manager quit too?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said coldly. “His departure changes our agreement.”
“How so?” I asked, letting go of the casket handle.
“I’ll need your assistance after we arrive at the cemetery.” He pointed into the open hearse to a set of shovels.
“I didn’t sign up for that. What kind of scam is-”
“I’ll double it,” he said. “Twenty thousand dollars cash.”
I grabbed the handle again.
The rollers in the back of the hearse made the heavy casket easy to push in place. The director fastened the bier pin plates so the unit wouldn’t budge during transport then he uncinched the window drapes so they fell over the length of the glass. Wouldn’t want anyone spotting what's inside at a red traffic light. He did this with an uneasy rapidity, like he was in a race or was being timed for our efforts. He grabbed a duffel bag and hefted it into the back near the locked casket.
Oddly, my request to piss in the funeral home’s bathroom was denied so when he dodged inside to “lock up” as he said, I unzipped and went near a small poplar tree. Weird, furtive little man, I thought.
I didn’t care. I was ready for my $20,000.
After the director joined me in the cab, I turned the ignition key and the hearse purred to life. The V8 roared as we sped down Fair Avenue then took the onramp to the highway. The director’s cell phone blared loudly in it’s instructions toward our destination - a cemetery on the opposite side of the county.
“Just follow the GPS instructions,” he told me.
“I know that part of the county pretty well. A lot of back roads.”
“Just follow the instructions.”
I’d lived in the county my whole life - apart from my time in Baghdad, Fallujah and Tikrit - and I’d never known a cemetery to be in the general area the GPS was leading us. Maybe Google knew more about my hometown than I did. Still, the sun started to rise over the hills of pines and the road was clear of any traffic so I gunned it, getting the hearse up to eighty. The director didn’t seem to mind.
Maybe we are being timed for our efforts, I thought.
Of course, the hearse was no workhorse like the humvees we had in the war. Those beasts were of a different breed. A warmongering type, bred to traverse deserts as well as swamps and were often equipped with turret guns and armor. The only weapon the director brought appeared to be a rosary which was curled tightly around his wrist.
The rearview mirror suddenly flashed with light and pulled me from my reverie. The sky was blood-red and growing lighter by the second but the strobing lights from behind dwarfed all illumination from the tree line. The speedometer was pushing ninety when the director noticed and turned around.
“This isn’t good,” he said. “Keep going. Don’t slow down.”
“It’s a cop.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Maybe not to you. Shit, I’m not getting arrested.”
“Don’t,” he said then grabbed the wheel against my tilt onto the road shoulder. The hearse swerved madly.
“What the hell are you doing?” I screamed and pushed him. His rosary looped around my fingers and we were momentarily caught in a holy fingertrap. “I’m pulling over.”
“Keep going. Our mission is more important.” He tried again and I ripped my arm back, releasing the rosary’s snare. Beads scattered on the floorboard and the director grew sullen, upset. The remaining cross, wood-carved and rubbed smooth, was still in my palm so I slung it behind my seat.
I gave him a hostile stare. “Don’t touch the wheel. I won’t get paid if we’re both in jail.”
He tried it again so I pulled from the back of my jeans someone I wanted him to meet. “This is Bessie,” I said and the Colt 1911 gleamed in the early sunlight. “She doesn’t like trouble, understand?”
His expression changed. Once I knew he was back in his seat for good, I returned Bessie and pulled to the road shoulder. The gravel chirped and cracked against the undercarriage until we crawled to a halt.
Luck was on my side that day. The man in uniform who walked up to the window was a friend of mine. We play cards once a month at a mutual friend’s house. Drink whiskey, talk shit about our bosses, all that. Since he was an officer of the law he would always tell the best stories about dumbass criminals. When he sauntered up to the window and noticed the operator of the swerving hearse was a buddy, he took his hand off his pistol holster.
“Chuck?”
I flashed a sly smile. “Morning, William.”
Officer William gave an incredulous laugh. “I’ll be damned. You in the funeral business now?”
“All those stories you told over cards got me thinking. Since you’re a first responder, I figured I’d join the last responders.”
William propped an elbow on the window ledge and got a good look at my passenger. The director had his head bowed and was whispering a prayer.
William looked at the casket. “Little late for that, reverend, don’tcha think?”
“He’s not a man of the cloth. He’s the director at Westwood Funeral Home. This is his hearse.”
“Okay. Well, keep it under seventy, Chuck. I doubt the guy in the back is in any rush.”
Then something stirred.
It’s a rare moment when three people simultaneously learn something. At that moment, I learned that the passenger next to me was some kind of psycho pervert and had invited me to participate in what could land me in the slammer for life. The director learned that I would never look at him the same way again and, had the officer not been there, I would’ve gladly sent him into a grave myself. Officer William learned that he was no longer speaking to a drinking buddy but - due to the pounding and calls for help coming from inside the casket - had pulled over two full-fledged maniacs about to bury a woman alive.
The elbow that had been casually resting on the window ledge was now hinged forward, aiming a Glock 19 to my head.
“Out,” William shouted. “Out of the vehicle, Chuck.”
William’s urgent command took me back to one particularly hot day in Fallujah. Our team was tasked to set up on the roof of a four-story hotel about a quarter-mile down the road. It was an advantageous spot to gather reconnaissance but the route there had plenty of obstacles. Hidden bombs, armed insurgents in spider holes, and blockades troubled our path but we got there without a casualty. When we arrived at the hotel we were met with a flock of elementary-aged children, who had been using the building as a makeshift sleep quarters during the war fallout. They tossed rocks, shouting foreign obscenities to us soldiers who had invaded their land. We’d read all the propaganda garbage their government had been putting out. How we were evil. How we were nothing but murderous invaders. Us proud servicemen were more annoyed than anything else, having three dozen kids tossing rocks gets old fast after fifteen minutes, so we gathered the little ones together to teach a lesson. We lined them up and made like we were about to participate in a firing squad. Obviously, no weapons fired - it was a scare tactic. We were soldiers, after all, not monsters.
But I’ll never forget their faces. Veils of terror. Fear so absolute that tears were unable to form. Lesson learned.
That’s the type of fear I saw on the director’s face as he dropped beside me, our knees crunching into the gravel beside the highway. From inside the hearse, the woman’s shrieks had intensified in urgency. Although the sound was muted by the casket walls and padding, the voice was clearly female and was overcome with emotion. The casket rattled as the interior beatings became more powerful. Had Officer William not had his gun trained on me, I would have punched the director for inserting me into his own wicked revenge plot.
The woman pleaded, “There’s no oxygen in here. I’m about to pass out.”
William oscillated between me, the director and the closed trunk of the hearse. The shrieks from inside continued to beg between coughs.
“Please, help. My head is going numb. No oxygen. Open.”
William pointed to us. “Don’t move,” he said, then walked to the driver side and unlocked the trunk door. The director and I turned, scooting our knees in the pebbles to get a view of what my now ex-friend was about to uncover. From this angle the director was slightly behind me but I could hear his faint sobs. He’d been caught.
Once the trunk was flapped open William called back to us. “How do you get the casket open?”
“An instrument beside the casket,” the director said. “Yes, right there. It fits into a hole on the side. Yeah, right. Now crank it. It unlocks the lid.”
William hadn't finished one rotation before I was pushed into the gravel by the director. Something was different when I tried to regain my balance, something about my waistline. It had loosened.
Three ear-shredding reports went out over the highway and the surrounding pastureland. William slumped against the hearse, grabbing for something not there before falling face first to the ground. Amazed at what happened, I grabbed for Bessie, but she was gone. The director pointed my own weapon at my chest and forced me to my feet. The spent casings sparkled beside his feet.
“This is Bessie,” he said. “She doesn’t like trouble, understand?”
The trunk was closed and seat belts were fastened then we were off toward the cemetery to bury a woman alive. The blue lights of William’s cruiser flashed in the side mirror until we crested the next hill. Rosary beads shuffled under my feet.
When my daughter, Ally, was in elementary school she came home one day with a portrait of our family. Our trio was scribbled in crayon and showed us standing beside our house, next to a sprawling green oak tree that our little Picasso had, for whatever reason, decorated with pink stars. Beside the tree was me. I was more of a circle really, with eyebrows arched at a furious angle. Next was my ex-wife who had in her hand a stylized white carrot. Of course, I knew that this “carrot” was Ally’s best effort at drawing her mother’s favorite wine glass. Then there was Ally, squished under the speech balloons that sprang forth from my ex-wife and I’s mouths and filled with X’s and exclamation points.
The image was a catalyst for a parent teacher conference that ended up in a shouting match for my wife to attend an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. She refused.
We divorced the next year.
Ally didn’t deserve the hateful atmosphere she was raised in; she was too good, too pure. I hoped that once I finished the director’s task he’d pay the additional money. It wasn’t greed - no - but quite the opposite. Ally would take a step up in the world after she enrolled in college. For Ally, I’d told myself earlier. Do this for Ally. But how was I to help Ally if I ended up like Officer William?
I kept the hearse to a solid fifty-five miles per hour. Speed slow enough to bide time but fast enough not to alert the gun-wielding maniac to my side who’d not stopped mouthing prayers to himself since our continuation of his “mission”. Miles behind us lay a friend of mine with three bullet wounds in his chest who would undoubtedly be found within minutes by a curious traveler or truck driver. Dash cam footage would be watched and our hearse was not the type of vehicle that blends in with a crowd.
Time was running out for all three people inside the hearse.
“All that money isn’t useful to me if I’m serving life.”
I was ignored.
“Look, you damn psycho, I’ll swerve into a fucking road sign before I let you bury this woman alive. I’m not a monster.”
The director whipped around and howled, “Stop, stop. Please shut up. I demand in the name of God Almighty that you remain silent.”
This didn’t scare me. I’d been around plenty of men that would gut you as easily as shake your hand. People that had ended life and people that had almost gotten their life ended, usually on multiple occasions, without showing the least bit of fear. No, the director saying this didn’t scare me.
What scared me was that after he screamed this demand I realized he wasn’t speaking to me, but behind me.
I peered into the rearview. Yep, still a casket and the woman inside hadn’t said a word since the William incident. That’s when I knew this funeral director had more problems than a vengeful spirit. He was hallucinatory. Schizophrenic.
“Put Bessie down and let me get out. I won’t call the cops, I swear.”
His eyes finally registered me as if he’d forgotten I was there. Sweat had beaded his forehead and soaked the collar of his t-shirt. He was crying.
He mumbled, “Just follow the GPS instructions.”
“I’m not helping you dig when we arrive. I refuse to kill a person.”
“That’s not a person,” he whispered.
His rage had obviously sailed to such an extreme that his wife or girlfriend or whoever was in the box no longer registered to him as human. Just an object. Something to get rid of like trash. “Enough. I won’t kill anyone.”
“Else,” he added, yet his voice was much deeper and seemed to surround the cabin of the vehicle.
“What did you say?”
He stared, incredulously, behind my seat. A grimace overcame his face. “You shut the hell up,” he shouted to the rear. “I was in high school. I didn’t know she was that drunk. You shut the hell up.”
The director faced forward and wept in his cupped hands until his phone told me to turn off the highway onto a thin county road.
By this time I was rattled. In battle there were contingency plans. Even teammates could help force an insurgent response into retreat. But now I was alone, weaponless, unable to understand why this mentally ill man had conned me into a twisted exercise. I thought about slowing the hearse to twenty miles an hour and jumping out, rolling to the best of my ability over the hot abrated asphalt to avoid significant injury then bolting toward the rise where I could lose him amongst the bramble. Or, I envisioned a quick tap of the brakes which may jump start a siege of the director where I wrested Bessie away from him and regained power.
While we rocked back and forth over the uneven road, I steeled myself for what lay ahead and did my best to strategize a plan to save not only my life but the woman trapped in her padded tomb. Nothing materialized.
“Please,” the director whispered to no one, now sobbing uncontrollably. “I just want it to end. I didn’t know how drunk. . . I had a crush on her. Please, stop.”
“I can stop, yes.” I almost smiled at his change of heart. “Let me pull over and-”
“No,” he screamed at me. “Not you. Keep going. Follow the instructions.”
“You’re sick, man. I need to pull over.”
He gave one cursory look to the back then his eyes fell on me. His clammy hand grabbed my forearm and I couldn’t help but return a glance.
“The duffel bag,” he said. “Once you get to the cemetery, look in the duffel bag. I can’t . . . I can’t-”
“We don’t have to do this,” I begged, the shake in my voice now audible. “You don’t have to do this. I don’t know what’s in that head of yours but I do know this: everyone forgives and forgets, ya know?”
“Not everyone,” he whispered, then inserted Bessie into his mouth and pulled the trigger.
Late one evening, in Fallujah, we were riding back to base from a low-intensity conflict zone where we briefly gave suppressive fire then mulled around for the next eight hours bored out of our minds. The descent of the sun gave the plumes of smoke rising from bomb-impacted buildings an eerie glow, like red obelisks that had sprouted in erratic fashion throughout the sand. Burning rubble was the chosen perfume of the day and my team was ready to wash the grit from our bodies. The land was flat and devoid of people at that time. An uneasy calm. We were still on our guard but after so much time in the heat our senses had dulled.
We had just come around the corner of a retaining wall when the humvee in front of us rolled over an IED.
Most took to defensive positions while a few of us checked on the wreckage, me included. The IED had turned the humvee apart in ways that were unimaginable: tires were absent, the turret was lodged in the kitchen of a dwelling, the metal chassis was warped and mangled like taffy. But inside was the true horror. If the explosion did that to a military vehicle it doesn’t take a creative person to understand what it can do to the human body.
The inside of the hearse reminded me of what I saw.
A spear of light penetrated through the bullet’s exit hole in the roof. The director leaned limply against the red-soaked seat. His head lolled sideways when I pulled to the side of the road then, when I applied the brake, swept back to face me. The roof of the hearse was still dripping when I jumped out to compose myself. The morning heat had already risen to a stifling level. Sweat beaded from my body as I opened the back door and began twisting the mechanism to open the casket. Apart from the smell of blood, I picked up a tinge of something burning but couldn’t trace it. I was surrounded by pastureland so perhaps a farmer was burning off some tree brush.
“I’m getting you out, ma’am.”
“Thank you, Chuck, thank you,” the woman called.
“Had I known someone was in here, I would’ve called the police.”
“You’re a saint. A true saint.”
“I wouldn’t say I’m a saint,” I said and began unwinding the lid lock. “I’ve sinned plenty.”
“Nonsense. Soldiers at war can’t be at fault for their actions.”
“Maybe. Sometimes a soldier-”
I stopped turning the crank and backed away.
“Chuck? Hello?”
It took a moment for me to replay the last hour in my mind. “How did you know I served?”
“I heard you talking earlier. Please, let me out.”
The burning smell had grown more fierce. A thin ribbon of smoke drifted through the hearse’s cabin so I followed its source. The wooden cross of the rosary, the one I broke and tossed into the back, had landed on top of the casket. It was smoldering and charred, the smoke still trailing off as if it was on a hot grill. I touched the top of the casket but it was cold.
“Chuck, let me out.”
“The director and I didn’t discuss my service on the ride. How did you know?”
“Let me out,” the woman said in a more harsh tone.
“Do I know you?”
Then there was a sniffle. “Daddy?”
I sprinted to the box and placed my palms on the cold surface. “Ally? Honey, is that you?”
“Daddy, please, get me out of here. That crazy man abducted me.”
“Oh my God, hang on.” I regripped the handle but paused before I turned the crank. It was hard to explain. Every fiber in my body pulled toward the circular motion. Just turn the crank, release your daughter, then call the authorities. So easy. But something in my gut denied the use of my arms. I had to be sure. I walked away from the hearse and fished my phone from my pocket then selected the contact. It rang twice.
“Hey, Daddy. What’s up?”
“Ally?”
“Yeah? Can you hear me?”
“Are . . . are you okay?”
“Yeah, just got back from the gym. About to eat some yogurt. Why?”
“Nothing, honey,” I said and stared at the casket that did not contain my daughter. “Just checking up on you. I gotta go but I’ll call you later.”
“Is everything okay?”
“It is now. Have a good day, honey. Bye.”
I was no longer in the mood for conversation. Whoever was in that box knew me. Knew I served. Knew what my daughter’s voice sounded like. This was someone I wanted out of my possession. I made the decision to drive to the sheriff’s office and spill my guts. Tell them everything and let them deal with the one in the box.
After I slammed the back door closed, I hopped into the driver’s seat but my attempt at a u-turn was truncated by a harsh voice from behind.
“Ally is a whore. You know that, right?”
“What the fuck did you just say?”
“So many men. Some as old as you.”
I shoved the shifter in park. “Maybe I’ll let you out of that box so I can put you right back inside it.”
“The men have a nickname for her, “Ally Always”. Ally Always because she always goes down-”
“Shut the fuck up!”
I was outside, ripping open the back door and fumbling with the lever. I was astonished to find I had picked up Bessie.
“I’ll shoot through the box if you don’t-”
“Don’t what? Don’t sympathize with your silly dreams of Always Ally going to college? She got an A in science because she slept with her high school teacher-”
“Shut-”
“-the whole basketball team enjoyed that one party-”
“-the-”
“-all the lies she’s told you over and over again-”
“-fuck-”
“-she’ll be a boozer just like her mother-”
“-up!”
I put finger pressure on the trigger. I braced for recoil. I wanted to empty the magazine into the box. To stop the lies. They were lies, right? They had to be.
But that’s not what happened. A grumbling mechanical noise blasted from behind and over the hill came a man on a John Deere tractor. I refit Bessie into the hem of my jeans and offered a friendly wave in the hopes he would pass. He slowed the equipment down and parked behind me. Shit.
He climbed down from the cab and approached. He was in his seventies, or sixties - a life in the sun had tanned and wrinkled his skin to a breathtaking amount. A baseball cap created a shadow under his green eyes. A wad of tobacco bulged his lower lip.
“Engine trouble?” He asked.
“No, sir, just a little lost. I have kind of an odd situation.” I looked back at the open hearse and the farmer got a peek as well.
“Damn. Dis a funeral procession?”
“Kind of.”
“Who died? God, hope it’s not anyone I know. Lotta folks die when they get my age.”
My attempt at a laugh was pathetic. “I don’t need any assistance. You can get back into your tractor. There’s no problem.”
The farmer gazed helplessly at the casket. Entranced, really. In a burst of energy that took me by surprise, he sprinted to the back of the hearse and started patting the casket. He placed a cheek to a corner and stroked the box like it was precious heirloom.
“Lizzy,” the farmer screamed. “Sweet Lord, God. Lizzy, I’m coming.”
The man attempted to pry the lid off with his hands but the lock was still engaged. I ran to him before he could figure it out.
“Why the hell do you have my Lizzy in here? What is this, some kind of shakedown?” He lowered into a brawling position and showed his fists. “Open this damn thing. Open it now.”
“That’s not your Lizzy.”
“Like shit it ain’t. I can hear her.”
Only, I couldn’t hear anything. The box was silent. Voiceless. Then everything made sense. I had been asking the wrong question the whole time. It’s not who was in the casket, but what?
Before the farmer could make more of a stir, I took out Bessie. He stopped talking but the rage in his eyes gave away plenty. “Call Lizzy,” I demanded. “You’ll find out that she isn’t in the box. Call her.”
I kept my distance and closed the back door. My aim was trained on the farmer as I reentered the driver’s seat. “Call her. Call Lizzy and you’ll find out the truth.”
“I can’t.”
I started rolling down the road, toward the GPS instructions. “Why not?” I called out from the window and pulled the gun back inside.
“Lizzy’s been dead ten years.”
Just a few miles then the cemetery. I exceeded what was a cautious speed down the thin county road trying to remember what had come out of the director’s mouth before it was hollowed out. The shovels. The duffel bag. The fucking thing in the box. The phone blared out instructions and soon I made a hard right onto a dirt drive that led into the woods. Undergrowth hid potholes and lumbered my progression. I thought of the money - at least I had five grand. I thought of Ally. My sweet Ally. I thought of-
“Haifa Salbi. Mother of two. Victim of one,” the voice in the back hissed.
“Who?”
“Baghdad, March 29, 2003.”
My throat began to tighten.
“I heard her screams, Chuck. While you were ripping off her chador, I heard her screams.”
“Shut up.” I blinked away tears.
“You don’t speak Arabic, Chuck, but screams are a universal language.” A turbulent yell echoed around the hearse’s cabin. It was a perfect imitation. It was a yell I’d heard before. A yell I had spent years and countless whiskey bottles trying to forget. My tears fogged my view worse than the collapsing foliage that had erased most of the pitted path.
“She housed terrorists,” I mumbled over my quivering lips.
“You don’t believe that. She was a slave to the Iraqi combatants. A pawn. You can’t lie to me, Chuck. I was there. I know the only weapon you wanted to fire was in your pants.” A discordant, hollow laugh followed.
“You were there? Who are you?”
“I am the one who was always there. When you released that tension on Haifa Salbi. When you traumatized those children in Fallujah. When you hit your ex-wife for drinking too much.”
I slammed my fist on the steering wheel. “How the fuck do you know all this?”
“I was also there when you found that wad of cash in Ally’s jewelry box. Poor, stupid, Chuck. Thinking your daughter saved money from the time she could walk? Ally is a good liar. She gets that talent from you.”
Sunlight burst through the windshield. The foliage had opened into a glade. The small opening in the woods had a short, rusted fence that linked into an oval directly in the center. Inside the fence were a sprinkling of headstones, others merely wooden crosses now rotted into spikes.
“Poor, stupid, Chuck. Ally is a good liar but not as good as she is at spreading her legs. Where do you think that wad of money came from? From men. Many men. Some as old as you.”
I turned and slammed my fist on the casket. “Another word and I’ll burn you alive instead of bury you.”
I spun the vehicle around and backed up to the fence until the fender graced the rusted metal. I hopped out and whipped open the back door then began unpacking the duffel bag. Stacks of cash fell out in my hasty fumbling of it. I guess the director was good on his promise. The only other contents of the bag were a cluster of rosaries, one of which I grabbed and slid in the front pocket of my jeans. The director’s rote behavior didn’t seem so insignificant anymore.
Also inside the bag was a handwritten note.
The note said: “It passes through waterless places seeking rest, but finds none. Then it goes and brings with it seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they enter and dwell there.”
Under that it gave instructions: “At least six feet of earth must separate it from the sky. Bury in an abandoned cemetery to avoid suspicion. Leave the grave unmarked. Do not believe its lies. Do not concentrate on its truths. It is an ancient one. Adroit in the ways of luring madness.”
The thing in the box spoke. It was the voice of my bitch ex-wife. “Chucky?”
I removed one of the shovels and remained silent.
“I forgive you, babe. You didn’t mean to hit me. It was the PTSD. I know I should’ve stopped drinking years ago. You and Ally were right.”
My head felt numb. “Be quiet. You’re not her.”
“I’ve given it up, babe. Honest this time. I’m ready to be the mother I should be. The wife I should be. Just let me out and we can fix this.”
As much as I resented her, I would have given everything I owned to hear my ex-wife say that. And it knew. Whatever was in that fucking box knew.
“No. You’re not getting out.” I tucked the handwritten note in my back pocket.
“I guess that’s expected. Babe, before you go, can I tell you something?”
Was it about to say it? No way. Unfathomable. No way it could know I wanted my ex-wife to truthfully tell me-
“Why I started drinking? I’ll tell you.”
The shovel felt heavy in my hands. I steadied myself against the tail light, eager, yet, uneager to listen.
“Chucky, my sweet, brave soldier. I started drinking because I was anxious.”
“Anxious?” I asked, unable to stop myself.
“Yes. Anxious that you would eventually find out the truth. Ally isn’t yours.”
I slammed the back door shut and regripped the shovel. The rusted fence had bent on one side from a fallen tree and lay flat under a carpet of deadfall. That’s where I gained entrance. I took out the paper and reread it. Six feet. Got it. The soil was fertile and loose, which made digging easier than expected. Still, the process took hours. From the first spade to the last, the thing in the box emitted an eruption of grating laughter, and although it was muffled from the containment of the hearse, it still provoked me into a consideration.
Was it laughing because it lied about Ally? Or because it had told the truth?
A casket is a bitch to move by yourself. Carrying it was out of the question and it wasn’t like I was trying to prevent the damn thing from damage, so I wedged it out of the hearse and it landed with a harsh thud. My legs and back were sore from digging but not too sore to pull the diseased being over the fallen fence and into the cemetery where I propped it precariously against the edge of the hole I’d dug, the depths of which were seven feet, I estimated. One foot more, just to be sure.
To avoid a calamity of the lid breaking open upon impact, I tied some vines, along with my shirt and pants, to the bars across one side. I had to pull the box at a flat angle into the hole so there would be no rotation in it’s venture down. Hoisting the heavy object below was out of the question. Three quick jerks should do it . . . and maybe one quick prayer.
“Don’t Chucky, don’t,” the voice of my ex called out as I wrapped my hands around the cords of cotton threads and vine. “I can give you what you want.”
I gave a good jerk and one corner jutted over the edge.
“Daddy, please,” Ally called. “It’s me. Just open the lid and I can explain everything.”
Jerk two.
The acidic voice returned: “Chuck, you rapist sack of shit. Wife beater, wife beater. I’ve seen your future. After this you’ll turn to the bottle worse than your ex-wife, the one who lied to you about Ally. Do you want to know who her true father is? Open and I’ll-”
Jerk three.
The obscenities that spewed from the locked casket, as I spent the next few hours covering it with soil, were grotesque to say the least. Promises of pain to not only myself but everyone whom I’m close with. Prognostications of violent ends. Sexual depravities that will behad my sweet Ally unless I open the box. The faster my hands went, the quieter the voice became, until the only sounds were the chirping of a nearby cricket and the soft songs of a sparrow.
The only thing more sore than my body was my mind. In my numb state I could only think to return the vehicle and take my cash. And most certainly inhale a few cigarettes from the pack in my truck back in the funeral home’s parking lot. All legal hassles could wait.
The cabin had a rancid stench because of the director’s body in the passenger seat but I rolled the windows down to diffuse it. The return drive was much shorter than the outgoing one. More peaceful. At least, until I turned into the parking lot of Westwood Funeral Home to find a pair of black Cadillacs parked beside my truck.
Unmarked police cars? FBI?
I didn’t care. My thought process was running on an empty tank and my body was too exhausted to run. Goodbye to the money. Goodbye to freedom. Goodbye to Ally.
What I expected was a miniature army to pounce out of the pine forest, guns drawn, demands shouted. What I got was a handful of sharply dressed men who waved me down after I parked the hearse. One opened the hearse door for me and helped me out. They delivered a perfunctory inspection of the dead director but left his body where it sat. One man jumped into the driver’s seat and drove out of sight. With him went the duffle bag of money. Shit.
Another man took me aside, offered me a cigarette from my own pack, and shook my hand.
“You don’t have to worry about anything, sir.”
“The director shot a cop.”
“It’s all taken care of.”
My brain felt like jelly. “What do you mean?”
“Keep living your life. Talk with friends, enjoy your family, go to work. Think of today as, uh, a dream. A lucid dream. Nothing more than a short, bad memory.”
Another pair of suited men exited the funeral home. They pushed a gurney with a body on it. The sheet draped over was mottled with red.
“The manager?” I asked.
“Afraid so. He was an associate of ours given the responsibility of helping with the mission. He was instructed to guard the casket last night until the director arrived then take control of the situation. However, it got to him like it got to the director.”
“Who are you guys?”
“Let’s say that we are guys who are not normally late but were today. For your troubles, we gave you something. It’s in your truck. I advise you get in your truck and leave all this behind you.”
There was no room for argument in his voice, nor did I have the energy for it. I was good at compartmentalizing, something I would most certainly have to do with my most recent actions. But it was over. Finally over. I left and returned home. Stopped in my driveway, I felt under the seat and found a small canvas sack. Inside was fifty thousand dollars, cash.
50,000. FIFTY THOUSAND. Five - zero - zero - zero - zero.
I entered my home and collapsed on the couch. Twelve hours later I awoke to the sound of a buzzing noise. Ally was calling.
“Hey, Daddy.”
My sniffles gave away my crying fit. “Hey, honey. God, it’s so good to hear your voice. Your real voice.”
“My real voice?”
“Nothing. Sorry, I just woke up from a nap. I’m still groggy.”
“Anyways, I called to tell you the good news. Mom’s in rehab. She’s taking it so serious this time. I’ve been crying all day because I’m so happy.”
I sat up on the couch and felt an odd pinch on my thigh. “Honey, that’s wonderful news.”
“I was thinking, if she completes rehab, that maybe we could all be together for my birthday,” Ally said as I battled my quivering lip. “I know you both don’t see eye to eye but it would be nice to see both of you at the same time.”
Another pinch on my thigh. I crept my hand into my pocket.
“Honey, that sounds like the best idea I’ve heard in a long time. Honestly, I’d be nice to see your mother. Despite the bad, there are a lot of good memories between us. Oh, and I have a great birthday present for you,” I said, looking at the sack of money.
“You better keep it a surprise until then.”
“I will. The three of us together, on your birthday. Who’d have thought?”
She sighed. “I’ve told you a million times, daddy. I’ve been praying about this for years. Sure, there’s plenty of bad in the world but that means there’s plenty of good too. Prayer works.”
“Yeah. Maybe it does,” I said as I pulled a rosary from my front pocket. “Maybe it does.”
submitted by DrElsewhere to nosleep [link] [comments]


2020.11.21 18:15 GalEdit Hidden cam wife

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https://preview.redd.it/4v9w5zx2xm061.jpg?width=182&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2b18d9e1a90f6aadc5d384d8840e82d156eacc47
submitted by GalEdit to u/GalEdit [link] [comments]


2020.11.15 13:39 blueberripie89 Hidden cam wife

based on my comment
Roll the complete compilation of the "Mabel's Guide To" Intros
"Today, 𝙈𝙖𝙗𝙚𝙡'𝙨 𝙂𝙪𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙩𝙤: 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 (𝑪𝒓𝒖𝒔𝒉 𝒊𝒏 𝑫𝒆𝒏𝒊𝒂𝒍 𝑬𝒅𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏)"
Mabel was wearing her Love God outfit and she's on the grand staircase she was in the Northwest Manor (current home of McGucket).
"The one thing at every humankind wants in this world is Love." She walks to her right and sat by an old tire next to a pile of metal scraps, she continued as she raises her hand in the air with a motion of a rainbow, "Everyone deserves love."
𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬
A scene where Soos and Melody see the things they have in common during "Soos and the Real Girl. "
A scene where they took a picture of Preston and Priscilla pose for their couple portrait.
A scene where Deputy Durland is recording Sheriff Blubs eating pancakes
A scene where McGucket furiously hugged his raccoon wife.
"As this is my last episode finale" she stood up, slowly walks backwards saying, "I really want to make this as a banger and you see..." she started raising her hands in the air as she continued, "Love is all around us." Then she started to show a childish sketch drawing from her pocket, "and especially. It even gave another chance for my cute little brother, Dipper."
A footage of Mabel's POV recording with the camera
(It was the night after the Northwest Mansion Party)
She turned on the camera and she was on the side of her bed, she got up and tiptoed her way to his brother. Dipper was snoring in his deep sleep and with that, the Journal 3 was open face down on his face.
she said quietly, "Can I borrow this." she grabbed the book with her left hand as she intended not to close the book to see what her brother wrote that night, which made Dipper twitch a little. When she got the Journal, she said to him in a whisper, "thanksss." she grabs her flashlight, runs back to her bed, and she covers herself with her blanket and with her flashlight on which was in her right hand.
She flashes the light towards the page that her brother left open and starts to read. As she was reading along the left page, she made a little realization and said, "That's why me, Candy and Grenda and eventually everyone started to turn to wood."
When she finished reading the left page she flashed her light as proceeded to read what's in the right page.
"Hohohoooo, Pacifica is here?" She said to herself as she saw Dipper's sketch right profile sketch of Pacifica on the top left of the right page, then she proceeds to read the text beside the sketch.
When she was in the middle part of the text that Dipper wrote about Pacifica, she said to herself, "Awww, I knew it. I know she's not that mean." she continues to read as she comes across the part on how Pacifica's parents punish her for misbehaving and she said again to herself, "Dang, she went through that? No wonder she's such a meanie."
Then Mabel caught her attention to a paragrapgh where most of the parts where crossed out. She starts to read it fast until she read the crossed out part.
"Oh my..."
As she uncover herself form her blanket, she faces the camera to her brother, which in his deep sleep, he mumbled:
"Pacifica."
then he turned his body to the the wall and there she switched the camera to her face which was also flashed by the flashlight she has and started to scream silently like a fangirl herself. She turns the camera back to her view, gets out of her blanket, jumps off her bed and grabbed the UV light and Dipper's invisible pen from Dipper's bed. She goes back and starts finding space for her to write her little note for her lovestruck brother.
She flipped the photograph of Archibald Corduroy on the bottom right of the page and started to write a little note
-end of video footage-
A footage of Mabel going through her phone while Dipper was behind the camera as he told his sister, "Mabel, you need to stand here handle the camera."
She gives Dipper 'the hand' as her other hand was scrolling through her phone, "Wait I got a message from-" she stood there with her eyes widened and a huge smile on her face as she starts typing to her phone rapidly.
Dipper asked, "from who?"
Mabel starts to giggle as she starts to text back happily
Dipper asked her again, "Mabel, I need to document something can you do that later?"
Mabel replied with her last message and placed her phone to her pocket and proceeds to switch places with Dipper. With her behind the camera and Dipper on screen, there he took a deep breath and he said to the camera, "Welcome back to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained anomaly number-."
"Hey, my phone!" she said as the camera was dropped to the ground which fortunately the footage only caught a glimpse of Schmebulock who has Mabel's phone on his mouth and he ran away to the woods.
-end of footage-
A footage of Dipper starring at his ceiling while Mabel was recording from her bed and she asked him, "You good bro bro?" She zoom in her camera to Dipper and he suddenly sat up and looked at Mabel with embarrassment and a hint of blush on his face saying, "I DIDN'T HUG HER."
Mabel giggled as as she knew what he was referring to what happened on that day
-end of footage- -resume to present-
"McGucket is the camera recording?" Mabel asked McGucket behind the camera and he replied, "yup, all is shippity ship shape." She continued, "Ahem...As we all know about Dipper." She walks to a table with wooden figurines of every person in Gravity Falls. She grabs the wooden figure of Wendy and Candy on both of their hands as she continues, "He was no match for these baddies." she placed the two figures to the side and then she grabs the wooden figurines of Dipper and Pacifica and said, "But this," she raised both figurines to the air and exclaimed, "THIS WILL BE ONE OF MY BEST MATCHMAKING PROJECTS I WILL EVER MAKE."
A hidden footage of Pacifica walking behind Dipper and they were having a conversation to each other in town while Mabel was hiding in the bushes and was the ine who was holding the camera.
Pacifica asked him with sass, "You sure Mabel wants a mini golf club?"
Dipper tipped his hat confidently and replied, "Yup, besides she'll accept any gift even if its a rock with googly eyes."
Pacifica rolled her eyes and smiled, "Well that is so like Mabel."
"Wait, what do you want for your birthday Dipper?" Pacifica asked him back
Dipper looked to his side as he replied, "Well, I don't really mind what-IS THAT THE FIRST VOLUME OF GHOST HARASSERS?" he looks at side with a glass pane that displays a VCD copy of the first volume of his favortie show.
"Dipper's first Kiss cam!" Mabel shouted as she rushes to them from the bushes with a glimpse of her cardboard cutout with red paper heart cutouts, massive amount of red glitter and with words that says 'Dipper's first kiss cam'
-end of footage-
A footage of Mabel facing the camera to her as she was hiding in a small alley, she was catching her breath as she says to the camera, "Operation: ... Dipper's... First Kiss Cam... was a failure..." she catches her breath again as she continues, "But.. that won't stop me..."
"MABEL! I SWEAR IF I FIND YOU YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET IT!" She looked at her back as she heard Dipper shouting from a distance
"I SWEAR IF I FIND YOU MABEL, YOU'RE DEAD TO ME AND I'M GONNA SUE YOU" Pacifica also shouted from the distance.
Mabel smiles laughs at the camera and proceeds to run away from them.
-end of the footage-
Preston's office chair turned, Mabel was sitting on it and she continued, "Dipper may not be right here with me right now but he is my subject with who might have potential love interest: Pacifica Northwest!"
A series of photos of Pacifica in her pageant gown, V-neck season trend, hot pink outfit and and her purple dress from the latest Northwest party
"I know, I know, It really sounds impossible but a nerd and a princess. Now that's what's talking!" Mabel grabbed out and showed a page of a story book of a princess and a knight.
She points to the page, "Dipper's the protective knight who saves the beautiful princess and that princess is Pacifica."
She throws away the page to the air and shouted, "WHY CAN'T ANYONE SEE THIS. IT HAS SO MUCH POTENTIAL!"
all of a sudden, a sound of clanking pieces of metal came from a pile of scraps. Mabel walked over to the pile and there she started to rumage through it and there she saw a hot pink journal and a hot pink phone. She sat on the floor and started to look into both objects. As she recognize who was the owner of these objects, she started to smile widely.
She opens the journal and flips the pages quickly to see if there are any writtings about Dipper. She flipped a page to another and another until she flipped a page that turns out she found something that really caught her attention.
A black bow tie was used as a bookmark in her journal and there was something that was written in that page:
...
Dear Diary,
This year's Northwest Party turned out something worse than I have imagined. It was totally out of my comfort zone. I couldn't wear my favorite lakefoam green dress that I always wanted to wear, Mabel and her friends got the invite to the party, and I got grounded just because I did broke some stupid family curse.
On the other hand, one thing did happen good tonight though, Having the chance to hang out with Dipper was better than I expected. Well, he is kind of lame for being such a nerd with his weird journals and stuff. I gotta give him credit for saving me before that scary ghost devours my flesh.
Anyways, that's not what really made me made my night better. When I was at the secret room that my parents snuck away the paintings and recording of what my family did wrong, Dipper rushed to look for me and he actually told me that I can be someone who's not like my family and it's kind of the first time I heard someone told me like that and it somehow gave me a weird feeling on my chest
Speaking of weird feelings, can you imagine me hugging someone like him? I could never. He looks pretty nice in a suit a̶n̶d̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶g̶o̶n̶n̶a̶ ̶l̶i̶e̶ ̶h̶e̶ ̶d̶o̶e̶s̶n̶t̶ ̶s̶m̶e̶l̶l̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶t̶y̶p̶i̶c̶a̶l̶ ̶s̶w̶e̶a̶t̶y̶ ̶k̶i̶d̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶a̶l̶s̶o̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶o̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶̶s̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶w̶e̶i̶r̶d̶ ̶v̶i̶b̶e̶ ̶g̶o̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶o̶n̶.̶ ̶
...
Mabel jumps out of joy as she exclaimed, "Well, what do you know, that's what I call love. Let's see here..." she proceeds to flip through the pages and sees something that really got her attention. She saw a sketch of Dipper smiling while wearing his pine tree hat in good detail and she said to herself, "Woah, woah, woah. I never knew she can draw THAT good." There she proceeds to read the entry:
...
Dear Diary,
I got grounded again by my parents, they took one of the six credit cards I have and the worse part is there's a sale at the Mall tomorrow and I wanna buy that white long boots I've always wanted. But anyways, right now as time passes by I don't really care about those white boots that I wanted.
What happened this day really made me genuinely happy was that Dipper told me I was smart, creative and confident, can you believe it? It was almost like he was saying it from his heart. It was too surreal for and no one ever told me something like that in my entire life. I mean everyday people tell me that I'm just rich and pretty but his words felt so different...
It made me so warm inside, it's like eating good fried chicken...
Also that Mr.Whathisface guy still gives me chills.
...
Mabel started to fangirl scream throughout the Mansion, she danced around for joy as she continued, "This is what I call chemistry~" She sat back down as she said "Man, my mission to make Pacifica like him but dang my charming brother did it all by himself." There she closed the book starts looking through her phone, "Let's see here...if only there was something they have in common... "
Mabel turned on the cellphone and the screen when to the menu page, then she went through the album and there she suddenlty widened her eyes when she saw something she never expected.
A whole album of selfies with her showing her high scores and achievements with the videogames she played in the arcade and the PC.
"Woah, woah, woah, woah. Pacifica likes to play videogames?!"
Then she told to herself as she scratches her chin, "Wait, my brother too likes video games." Then something made her hit to the back of her head. An image of teenage Dipper and Pacifica playing a video games as a couple flashes to her mind.
She screamed like a fangirl again and she continued, "This is perfect, this is perfect, this is perfect. Dipper and Pacifica doing video game nights?! Now that's what I call an perfect ideal date."
She turns to the camera and said "Well, I guess this is it for Mabel's Guide to Love. Although the magic of love did it for me." she giggled to herself as she continues, "Thank you for watching." She suddenly stood up and shouted as she throws a fist in the air, "Look out world! I'm gonna be a bridesmaid soon!"
A video footage of Dipper in his own room in California, the camera was hidden his bookshelf. It was in the middle of the night and the lights are out. He was lying down on his bed wide awake as he was looking the VCD first volume of Ghost Harassers above on his hands and he said, "Man, I never knew that Pacifica would give me this." Then he placed the VCD to his bed side, snuggle in his blanket as he closes his eyes and tucks in to sleep.
He turns to his left then to his right, left and right again until such time he stopped. He opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling with realization and said, "Oh no."
:))
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2020.11.15 12:46 Actualanxiety215 Wife cam hidden

Case File 006 - [REDACTED]
Case ID - 3A.29.HEX
Case Agent - [REDACTED]
Case Subject- [REDACTED]
File Type - Audio Transcript
Date - 06.15.2017
SPEAKER 1
So, Phil, was it, what brings you in today. This is your third visit this month? According to these charts, you came in with physical injuries.
SPEAKER 2
I'm very clumsy.
SPEAKER 1
You broke your arm a month ago, then your leg, and now your pinky. If I didn't know better, it's like you were trying to see me. (1)
SPEAKER 2
You caught me. I couldn't stay away. (1)
SPEAKER 1
Now, Phil, these are standard questions I have to ask for cases like these. Is there anything you need to tell me, any problems at home?
SPEAKER 2
Besides the wife no. (2) Honestly, I'm just clumsy. Fell down the stairs, then the skateboard incident, and now the car door. The month is going well, at this rate I'll be dead by next week.
SPEAKER 1
Not if I have anything to do with it. Now, the break isn't too bad, a pinky brace for two weeks at most should mostly take care of it. I'm going to prescribe the same medicine as the last two times, it should help with the pain and speeding up recovery. Just check with my receptionist (3) on the way out, and she'll get an order ready for you in a few minutes.
SPEAKER 2
That sounds great. The arm and leg mostly already healed, it was like a miracle.
SPEAKER 1
The wonders of modern medicine and lady luck.
SPEAKER 2
I'll see you again next week then for a follow-up.
SPEAKER 1
I hope your luck gets better and you actually make it to next week. (1)
(1) Statement made in humorous undertones, no cause for concern regarding surveillance
(2) No secondary case agent
(3) [REDACTED] under investigation. Case File - [REDACTED]
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Case File 006 - [REDACTED]
Case ID - 3A.29.HEX
Case Agent - [REDACTED]
Case Subject- [REDACTED]
File Type - Archived Record
Date - 05.12.2017
Protocol - 53.43.50
OVERVIEW
The subject has been tracked since we first received intel from [REDACTED] from dates [REDACTED] to present. As of this document, there have been 14 (fourteen) recorded and verified cases of this doctor performing "miracles" in his field of general practice. In the last 17 (seventeen) years there have been 3 (three) false identities connected to the subject, including [REDACTED] and [REDACTED]. 221 unverifiable but recorded cases of importance have been noted and included in the full briefing report, filed under CASE FILE 006- [REDACTED].
The subject is currently a male, early twenties in appearance. Actual age unknown, birthdate unknown, origination unknown. The subject has been tracked for [REDACTED] years. Each identity the subject has taken has connected in some way to the medical field and interacting with patients. The subject has no recorded cases of causing harm. Current location [REDACTED].
The subject has the ability to heal all forms of illnesses. No special conditions are required, demonstrated by trials conducted in the last year. Full lab reports on all experimental cases can be found filed under Case File 006 - [REDACTED]. The subject has the ability to heal physical injuries, mental injuries, and injuries related to or caused by other subjects of interest such as [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], and [REDACTED]. The subject also has basic polymorph abilities. Actual form unknown. See Case File 006 - [REDACTED] for more information.
Indirect contact has been made through surveillance and testing. Direct contact has not been made until more information is known. Further information regarding that can requires Clearance Level 3 (three).
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Raphael, it took me a lot to get my hands on these. "
"I was right," I said, looking over the dozens of files in front of me. "This year has been strange."
"Raphael, you need to leave." Gabriel paced the room, clearly disturbed. "It's time to pack your bags again."
"The organization? Clearly, they have been following us for years." I replied.
Gabriel shrugged. "I don't know. These are things that I managed to get my hands on through the connections we made over the years, but other than that I don't know anything about them."
"Read this. This is from almost 5 months ago. The subject has no recorded cases of harm." I scoffed. "As if. I've dedicated my life to healing."
"Why does that matter?" Gabriel was clearly agitated. "We need to lay low for a few years. Humans have come far, and have started to reach into the realm of the divine with their mortal technology. It's best not to out ourselves."
"Calm down Gabriel." I lightly laughed. "I agree, it's time to leave."
"It's of no laughing matter. If they found us once, they will find us again."
"That is a concern of the future."
"A concern of today, that's being pushed to the future."
"You know as well as I do that we expected this day to come, ever since Michael betrayed father."
Gabriel sighed. "Speak not of the past, but of the future."
"For the humans are the last of the mortals and the greatest of the beings. These are the words of thy father," I continued, finishing his sentence. "Let's go, Gabriel. We have a job to do."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Case File 006 - [REDACTED]
Case ID - 3A.29.HEX
Case Agent - [REDACTED]
Case Subject- [REDACTED]
File Type - Audio Transcript
Date - 10.06.2017
The subject has disappeared. Last direct contact was made on [REDACTED]. Last indirect contact made via a hidden surveillance system. The subject made eye contact with CAM-62.79.65 before smiling and disappearing into thin air. Further possible abilities noted down on Case File 006 - [REDACTED].
The subject's final known identity was Trevor Wesson. The date of the last contact was noted. [REDACTED] has been authorized to create a story for the disappearance to release to the general public. Any false identities created for this purpose have been prepared and ready to be burned on orders from [REDACTED]
Funds needed for further investigation pending approval from [REDACTED].
Codename ENIGMA
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2020.11.06 19:26 igorhesmun Hidden cam wife

Hi. I wanted to start writing some stories about hunts we went on. I'll talk about some skinwalker hunts and my first hunt which was a chupacabra.
Hunts have special proceedings. First, we get a file with all the information that we need to know. Then we go there to investigate. After that the actual hunting starts. We need to locate and then kill or capture the creature. We still don't know how to kill some so we keep them locked down in the Commission facility. There are people who take care of them.
As I already said, my first hunt was a chupacabra. You always get a Class 3 cryptid to hunt for your first job so that you don't really get killed on your first job. I got the file and 5 people have reported sheep drained of blood as well as some other animals. A dead child has been found near a farm with fang marks on their neck. It needed to be rid off as soon as possible because of that.
I got to a small village in Mexico in middle of nowhere, I was expecting to stay there for 3 days. For the first day, I asked some villagers about what happened and they had pretty similar stories. Apparently there were 2 other child disappearances but they weren't confirmed dead because their bodies were never found. Another guy told me that his sheep were ripped apart and they had no blood in their body. The first day was over and I went to sleep. I woke up to a child screaming. I took my gun and ran outside. I listened to where the screams are coming from. I shined a flashlight in the direction and saw a chupacabra dragging a child. I aimed at it and shot. I think I missed because it just looked at me, screamed and ran away. The child ran to his mother. I got back to my room and went to sleep. Next day I went to set a trap and attract the chupacabra. Beartrap is useful against them. I put some lamb on the beartrap, climbed up a tree and waited for the chupacabra. It finally got there after some time and it took the bait. It stopped a meter before the trap and sniffed the floor. It's long arms were reaching far in front of it. It slowly walked towards the trap. It knew that there was something wrong but it still didn't know what. It looked around and went for the meat. It put it's hand on it and the trap triggered. It screamed and i dropped from the tree. I aimed at it and shot at it. The bullet connected with the creatures chest. It screamed again and hit me with it's arm. I made a mistake by standing too close. I fell on the floor and my gun was about a meter away. The creature started running away. I was so fortunate that it didn't attack me. I picked up the gun and started running after it. I tried to shoot at it while running and I believed one of my bullets hit it. The creature led me to a cave. I saw it limping inside and shot at it again. It let out a scream and fell to the floor. To be completely honest, I sometimes feel for cryptids. They are just like animals, they do what they do to survive, at least this one did. I feel bad when I need to kill them in a way like this one. It was lying on it's back, bleeding out. It looked at me with those large red eyes and let out a small roar. I wanted to finish this as quickly as possible and make it's death the least sufferable death I could give it. I took out my sword, lifted it up and quickly brought it down cutting off chupacabra's head. I took the body into the cave and burned it. The head I put in a backpack and walked back to the village. I needed to give the head to the Commission agents to confirm that the job was done. That was the end of that hunt.
Sometimes it is really hard to kill animalistic cryptids. The ones that are sentient are usually just evil and when they aren't, they won't attack you or try to kill you so that's a lot easier.
Skinwalkers are sentient cryptids. They understand emotion although they can only feel anger and fear. My first skinwalker hunt was short. They can be killed with multiple shots to their head, decapitation and they can be burned to death. Sometimes it is hard to hunt them down because they can be disguised as animals or humans. Usually, animals can notice them because of their smell but only when they are not disguised as their species. We don't know why it is like that but it just is. For humans it is harder to see the difference between them because we rely on our sight too much to the point where we can't sense that they are different. As I said in my previous entry, they need about 2 hours to start acting completely like a creature that they imitate. They can't „imitate“ memories that were formed about a week before the skinwalker changed into them.
Anyways, onto the stories.
The first one I hunted was in Oregon. I'm not going to say where exactly but you just need to know that it's in Oregon. There was this family that had 2 dogs, one night they heard them barking at something and one of them managed to break the chain and run into the forest. He cam back after 3 days and the other dog immidiately started barking and growling at it. The owners separeted them. However, they found the second dog dead one morning while the one that escaped was gone again. It was seen on the other side of the town with blood on it's mouth. That was the last time that dog was seen. Someone also heard their 4 year old daughter calling them from the woods but when they checked her bedroom, she was still sleeping there. I got to the town and immidiately went to the forest. This wasn't my second hunt so I had more experienced and knew what I was doing. Skinwalkers usually come to you and you just need to wait for them during the night and I did. It showed up around 2 am trying to imitate a child's voice calling for help. No matter how many times I hear something like that, I will always get chills from it. It sounds so unnatural but real at the same time and it just leaves this extremly unsettling feeling. I called after it „Are you lost. Come here, I'll help ya.“ Now I just needed to see the movement, hear a twig snapping or it answering. „I… I got lost.“ As soon as I heard that I knew which direction it was coming from. I turned and aimed my gun at it. It was standing about 20 feet away. „I got you now.“ I said just before it leaned towards me and screamed. I took a shot that hit it right into it's forehead. The skinwalker fell to the floor holding it's head. I knew it wasn't dead so I put my gun away and took out my sword. It would be much easier to kill it with it and if that fails, it would be much easier to get it down to the floor with it. I got to it and swiped with the sword but it managed to dodge it. It was still slown down by the bullet so it wasn't as dangerous. It tried to attack me but, as I said, it was slow and it missed. I hit it with the sword and it fell to the floor again, I got to it and it tried to pull me by my leg but I was fast enough and decapitated it in time. I had no problem with killing that one, these are evil.
I had few similar hunts to this one. Once I, actually we, went on a hunt for 2 skinwalkers (there were 3 but you'll hear why we thought there were only 2).
Kayla, Amanda, Austin and I went on that hunt. We stayed with a family of a young African-American named Calvin and his grandmother Allison. His mother died when he was 6 and his father moved to another state to earn enough money to support him. The room had 3 beds so Kayla and Amanda somehow managed to sleep in one bed. Allison was barely able to walk and most of the time she was sitting either on a chair on a back porch, on the dining table or in her room. Their back porch was looking towards a forest. The house was further away from other houses. Allison and Calvin were amazing and very good people. They made us dinner to introduce themselves but they also wanted to learn about us. We talked for about an hour. Then Allison said with her old barely understandable voice „Calvin, son. Go get that birthday present you got from your dad.“ „What present.“ „ah, you now… that device he sent you. That game thing.“ „Oh yeah.“ He stood up and went to get a nintendo switch. His grandmother was fascinated by it, to her it was something like a futuristic technology to us. We talked for some time and went to sleep. First night everything was alright. In the morning we woke up to breakfast made by Allison. She was still capable of making some food. We thanked her and ate it. We went around the town to find out about the situation more. People could hear wierd noises in the middle of the night on 2 opposite parts of the town so that pointed towards 2 skinwalkers. We knew it is much harder to catch 2 of them because they are smart enough to make traps with diversion. We looked around the forest and there we didn't find anything but we did set up the cameras. We stayed awake over night to watch the cameras. It took few hours before one of them appeared in one of the cameras. It just stood there and looked at it. Then, Austin looked through a window and saw the other one standing in the backyard looking at us. He quickly opened up the window and shot at it. It let out a scream and 2 of us ran jumped through the window. Kayla and Amanda went to calm down Allison and Calvin. Both of us took the aim and shot at the skinwalker. It fell to the floor bleeding out. I feel like it would be a good thing to say now, we use elephant rifles to kill cryptids. Those are extremely high power rifles that should be taken very seriously. I'm pointing this out to show you how dangerous and powerful these creatures were because they can survive multiple shots from that gun. We got to the creature and it was trying to crawl away. Austin turned it on it's back and put his foot on it's chest. The skinwalker spit out blood from it's mouth and laughed devilishly „You will die for this.“ „Tell me where's your friend and we'll spare you.“ offered Austin. It was a lie. „Oh, you still don't know. I wouldn't say friend, more like… friends.“ It laughed again and Austin shot it in it's head. It bursted into millions of pieces of flesh and bone and blood sprayed out of it. „The situation is worse then we expected. We don't know how many are out there.“ I took a second to think. „It would be best if we returned.“ We took the body with us and put it next to the house so that nothing ate it or the other skinwalkers don't drag it away. Allison and Calvin were scared but they knew they needed to keep quiet. We went to our room to talk about what happened and what we are going to do. We concluded that there were only 3 of them and one was already dead. The second one we saw on one of the cameras and the third one is hiding somewhere, probably imitating someone. We made a plan to lure them out into the backyard where we'd kill them both. Next night we put some meat into the backyard and made a little cover to stay hidden from them. We figured they would know that we are near but not where exactly. We stayed there, laying on the grass, waiting for the remaining 2 skinwalkers. Calvin insisted on staying with us to see them while Kayla stayed inside to protect his grandmother. We waited and waited. Few hours must have passed when Calvin asked me „Shouldn't this work?“ I looked at him „You're right. Something's wrong.“ I thought for a second and remembered the switch situation. We talked about Calvin's birthday with Allison and she said it was 2 days before we arrived. It immediately downed on me and I looked him streight into it's eyes. I pointed my rifle at it and it started coming towards me. I was fast enough and shot it in it's chest. It started changing from Calvin's body to it's normal form. We all opened fire on it and it died after about 3 shots from all of us. When we stopped we could hear another shot from the house. As we looked toward the house we saw Kayla holding her rifle up. As we looked behind us, the third skinwalker tried to run away but our quick reactions stopped it. We shot it few times and it fell dead. This was a lot to process because of Calvin's tragic story. It was the last thing his family needed. It was really hard to tell it to his grandmother. She immediately bursted into tears. We needed to leave the day after and this hunt left us all scarred.
There was a very interesting hunt I went on once. There was a skinwalker spotted in Germany. One of the most unusual places to find them. Someone spotted it going through their garbage and it stalked them for weeks after that. All the information I needed was in the file and I wasn't supposed to stay with that family but in the end I ended up staying there for a week. The family consisted of 4 members. The father was about 40 years old and a typical blonde German. His wife was about the same age as him. They had a teen doughter. She was 16 and her brother was 3. Anyways, onto the case. It is more than unusual for skinwalkers to bes spotted going through trash. They can hunt both animals and humans. They would do something like that in 'extreme' cases, when something is wrong. I set up traps and lures in the forest to catch it. I waited there for hours multiple day but nothing came. Few nights went by and nothing, then one night i heard something next to the house. The son was still sleeping but everyone else woke up. They new they needed to keep quit. I took my gun and slowly walked to a window that was looking in the direction of the sound. It was on the first floor just across doors of a room I slept in. I looked down through it and saw a dog like creature. It looked like a dog but there was something wrong with it. It had scars on it's left ribs. 4 long scars. That was a red flag. Something attacked it and dealt some serious damage to it. It must have been another cryptid. I didn't know was it, a lot of cryptids have claws with which they could deal such damage. The dog turned around and looked at me. It let out a growl and showed it's teeth. Then I realised what it was. It was a skinwalker, it tried to transition into a dog but something attacked it and it wasn't able to turn completly. It didn't even realise that it was like that. Probably because of a shock it got when that something else attacked it. I took aim at it but it was gone before I could shoot it. It ran into the woods. I opened the window, jumped out and started running after it. I needed to think quickly so I decided I'll force it towards one of my traps. Because it was in the middle of the transformation, it was much much slower so I was getting closer and closer to it. It suddenly stopped and swiped at with it's arm. I dodged it by sliding which got me behind it. I aimed at the creature's head. It looked at me with fear in it's eyes. It's face was a mix of skinwalker's humanoid face and a dog face. It tried to cover it with it's arm. Suddenly there was a scream about 20 feet from us. Something jumped out of the darkness and landed on the skinwalkers. The skinwalker screamed and tried to push the much larger creature off it. It didn't take me a long time to relise that the creature was another skinwalker. It lifted it's left am exposing it's chest to me. Before it could bring the arm down, I shot it into it's chest. It fell to the floor as it screamed. It got up quickly and jumped at me. I rolled to dodge it and it worked. It looked at me and screamed again. I took that oportunity to shoot it again. The bullet conected with the larger skinwalker's shoulder. It became furious. It ran up to me and swiped, I managed to dodge and shot it again. It ignored it and hit me with it's other hand. I flew into a tree next to us. I lost the gun and now the only thing I could do was try to dodge it's attacks. The crature was ruthless and it didn't stop swiping at me. I tried to climb a tree using it's small branches and at first it worked but then it started attacking the tree and cut right through it. The tree started to fall but was stopped by other trees before falling to the ground completely. The larger skinwalker started to climb it towards me. Just before it got to me, I saw a hand on it's shoulder. The larger skinwalker was pulled backwards and thrown away. The smaller skinwalker stood there screaming towards where the larger one was thrown. It took time I fought the larger one to turn back into it's normal form. It jumped at the larger one and they started fighting. I took that time to find the gun. When I turned back the small one was on the larger one's back. The large one grabbed the smaller one by it's neck and threw it to the floor. It started hitting it with it's fists and doing some serious damage. The smaller one started to spit out blood. I took my aim and shot the larger one in it's head. It screamed and fell to the floor, it tried to get up but I shot it again. It now layed on the floor. I slowly approached it because it could have been faking it's death to lure me in. The smaller one ran next to me and got onto the larger one's back again. It took it's right arm and tried to pull it off the larger one. The larger one started screaming and tried to get the smaller one off it's back but it couldn't. I shot the larger one's armpit and blood started spraying from it as the smaller one pulled the larger one's arm off. It started beating the larger one with it's arm and after some time the larger one was dead. The smaller one dropped the arm and looked at me. It was bleeding from it's mouth, chest, stomach and it's limbs. It had clearly broken ribs. I wanted to lift up my gun and shoot at it but I couldn't. I sighed and laughed quietly. „Go. Only one of you was reported here and there he is.“ I pointed at the larger one's corpse with my gun. The smaller one looked at the larger one and then at me. Then it said „Thank you.“ in a voice of a little girl. It leaned down onto all fours and ran away. Some of them might be good after all, I thought to myself. I walked to the body of the larger one to inspect it. It was much larger then usual skinwalker. It was about 9 feet tall when usual skiwalkers are 7 feet tall. It was much wider and you could see that it's muscles were larger than usual skinwalker's muscles. I turned it onto it's back to get a better look. It's eyes were completely black. Top of it's fingers were also black and you could see some small black stripes all over it's chest, arms and stomach. It was a very wierd occurence at the time and I didn't know what was the reason behind it but that's a completely different story. I didn't have my sword with me so I just burned the body and went back to the house. I thanked the family and called the Commission. I explained them that I killed the only skinwalker that was there and they believed me. At the time of that hunt, I built a reputation of one of the best hunters so they didn't think I would lie to them.
I went on some other skinwalker hunt but they were too similar to the first one so I didn't see any point in writing any of them. I hope you enjoyed reading this. More will come soon.
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2020.11.01 08:17 BruteSentiment Hidden cam wife

In one year, Apple TV+ has released a pretty solid slate of original material. Not including children-oriented content, Apple TV+ has released 20 series, 3 miniseries, 9 movies, and 2 talk shows. From the start, Apple has said that the goal of the content is on quality, not quantity. But…has it lived up to that?
34 - Greatness Code - Documentary
Summary: Each episode features a different athlete talking about a key moment in their careers. The show features athletes from many different sports, including basketball’s LeBron James, soccer’s Alex Morgan (sorry…footballer Alex Morgan), snowboarder Shaun White, sprinter Usain Bolt, swimmer Katie Ledecky, surfer Kelly Slater, and (American) footballer Tom Brady (who is a co-producer).
My Take: This is the easy winner for the worst thing on Apple TV+. The only good thing about this “show” is that the episodes are usually no more than 10 minutes long. The monologues by the athletes are…fine. There’s nothing you haven’t really heard before here. The problem is that the special effects take away from actually seeing the athlete in action. Almost every bit of action has some animation or filter or something over it, so we almost never actually see the events being discussed. It’s pretty ridiculous. After watching this, I genuinely wondered if this series was intended to be part of Apple TV+’s children’s offerings, because that is the only level where it could at all seem “great”.
33 - Oprah Talks Covid-19 - News (Miniseries)
Summary: Not long after the COVID-19 pandemic started major lockdowns across the United States, Oprah quickly began to do online interviews with people who she hoped would bring perspective and uplifting messages, from celebrities to pastors to nurses to people who had experienced isolation in prison and the holocaust. This series ran for nearly a month from mid-March to mid-April in 2020.
My Take: One of Oprah’s three series, this one is the lowest ranked just because much of the information within it is out of date, and is aimed at people at a certain time, which was months ago. But in a way, it’s a bit of a time capsule of the early parts of the pandemic in the public eye, which is interesting. It’s almost as interesting to see the production value (or lack there of), as the majority of the episodes are screen recordings of online interviews. It’s perhaps only worth watching now for being a curiosity, but Apple and Oprah did good getting something up in a timely fashion.
32 - Amazing Stories - Adventure
Summary: An anthology series executive produced by Steven Spielberg, the show brings back the “Amazing Stories” brand with five independent stories about incredible adventures that play with sci-fi and fantasy about regular people put in amazing situations.
My Take: Amazing Stories was to be one of Apple TV’s tentpoles for the summer. Unfortunately, the series landed flat, and is by far the biggest disappointment. It’s yet another TV series that original co-Producer Bryan Fuller left. The show was originally to have ten episodes, it ended up with just five. The stories were not very groundbreaking, though they were beautifully shot. It might be worth checking out for Robert Forster’s last project before he died (Dynoman and the Volt), and for the touching “The Heat” about high school runners from Oakland.
31 - Home - Documentary
Summary: As you might imagine, this documentary series is not just about the architecture of a house, but about the people behind building and designing them. Each episode features a different house and story, with houses chosen from around the world, from urban environments like Chicago and Hong Kong to remote locations in Maine and Bali.
My Take: Although cable and streaming is littered with television programs about houses and architecture, this show passes on the drama, which helps Home become a documentary, and not a reality show. The cinematography is predictably beautiful, but the pacing is slow, and it’s very hard to really get into. It doesn’t help that a couple of the home builders behind the stories are honestly not very likable. The final episode of the first season is really good, but ultimately, this show is a bit of a snooze beyond the real enthusiasts.
30 - Dads - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: Directed by Bryce Dallas Howard, this movie looks at fathers across the many levels of fatherhood, anchored by Howard’s own relationship with her father, actodirector Ron Howard, and her grandfather Archie, as well as Bryce’s non-celebrity brother who is an expecting father. The movie shifts to stories about fathers from around the world, and back to the Howards, to celebrate the ever-shifting role of fatherhood in modern society.
My Take: This documentary is a sweet, if simple, tribute to modern fatherhood. There’s nothing special here, it does exactly what you would expect it to. It has cameo interviews from comedian fathers, interspersed with random recordings of fathers from home movies and social media, and stories of fathers in different situations. There’s nothing bad about it, but it’s pretty dry overall. It’s not a waste, but it’ll probably end up being the thing you see in the list and say “Oh, I’ll watch that another time…”, which might as well be next Father’s Day with your dad.
29 - Dear… - Documentary
Summary: A documentary series that details the history and life of various individual celebrities, and uses letters written by people they have affected to frame those celebrities’ impact on people and society.
My Take: Apple has used the advertising method of using letters written to Apple or Tim Cook about how things have changed their lives (particularly the Apple Watch), and in that context this series feels like, well, advertising. Not to take anything away from the celebrities involved, but the marketing push feels very heavy here. And, of course, one of the celebrities featured is Oprah, who is a big presence in ATV+. It also gets absurd with one episode around Big Bird (in character); of course, the Muppets have a spin-off in the kids section of ATV+ called Helpsters. It’s best with the smaller names, where even I learned a little bit. It’s a decent feel-good if that’s what you’re looking for.
28 - Long Way Up - Documentary (Miniseries)
Summary: The third docu-series by Ewan McGregor and his best friend Charley Boorman as they take a long road trip by motorcycle. This trip, they are traveling from the southern tip of South America up to Los Angeles, and are doing it (almost) entirely on electric vehicles. The series highlights both the places they visit along the way, and the travails (and successes) of using these new, custom-made electric motorcycles. (The other two series Long Way Round and Long Way Down have also been added to ATV+, though they are not ‘Apple Originals’.)
My Take: I’ve got to be honest, it’s hard to get into watching others take a road trip. It’s nice enough. The footage is beautiful, as they use everything from GoPro helmet cams to drones to capture the scenery. But the major source of tension here is Range Anxiety, and the biggest drama is in whether or not they can do it all on electric bikes. Still, it’s interesting to see parts of South America many aren’t familiar with, including deserts and the vast Patagonia. And Ewan does seem like someone that would be a great bloke to be mates with. Some people will really enjoy this, I’m just not one of them.
27 - The Elephant Queen - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: Narrated by the soft-spoken Chiwetel Ejiofor, an elephant herd must navigate the climate of the savannah to survive. Led by the matriarch, they must migrate before the dry season hits to stay around water, and then return to their normal grazing land. Along the way, we meet the many other creatures of the savannah and face the changing climates and droughts that get in the way of these pachyderms.
My Take: A documentary much in the style of the old Disney documentaries, the Elephant Queen does a lot of anthropomorphizing its subjects, who range from elephants to dung beetles, and follows them through a difficult season. It is borderline kids-oriented, but adults might enjoy this as well. It’s not afraid to delve into some sad situations, and there is an overriding theme of what happens in droughts that can not be ignored. A sweet film, perhaps a bit saccharine.
26 - Hala - Drama (Movie)
Summary: Hala is a Pakistani-American teenage girl and her trying to balance her family and cultural pressures with being a teen in America. She longs to be out of the pressures of her family’s culture as she interacts with friends and teachers outside of the home. When she does try to act out, she begins to discover more about her family, both discovering secrets and sides she never knew about, as she discovers more about herself.
My Take: Apple TV+’s first fictional feature film release, this coming of age film is never really surprising, but it is a well made film that hits all the right nuances in trying to share Hala’s experience. It’s not a perfect film, as there are some shifts in tone and character that are rather sudden and jarring for the viewer, though all things considered, that’s probably what writedirector Minhal Baig was trying for. The emotions shift quickly and non-family characters disappear quickly, as it’s clear that this is Hala’s story, and not anyone else’s. It’s a solid watch.
25 - Trying - Comedy
Summary: A British couple, Nikki and Jason, have decided to adopt when they have trouble conceiving. They struggle with the truly difficult process of adopting, as well as insecurities about whether or not the two (who could be called slackers) are truly ready to be, or even worthy of being, parents.
My Take: This is a British comedy co-produced by BBC that is about an intensely serious subject. If you know British humor, you know that it will be very intentionally awkward, and this series can definitely hit that mark. While the show is certainly has about its two main characters (Rafe Spall and Esther Smith as the couple), it has a surprisingly large cast of supporting characters, but with only one star most Americans would know (Imelda Staunton as the most unintimidating social worker ever). It’s an interesting concept, and it finds some sweet moments, but not as many funny ones. It’s not bad, but is just okay.
24 - Oprah’s Book Club - Talk Show
Summary: This was the first Oprah show to appear on Apple TV+, serving as a cross-section of Apple services (which advertises Books and Podcasts), and the only one that got to meet the pre-pandemic style of Oprah’s shows. The idea was that Oprah would interview authors and let an audience ask questions. But the series also shows the effects of the pandemic. Once the pandemic hits, the audience is gone, and it becomes direct virtual interviews for a couple of episodes before Apple and Oprah find a way to have a virtual audience.
My Take: I admit, I didn’t read any of the books selected for this list. I still got something out of these shows, but more of an analysis of Oprah than the books. It did show off one of her worst traits, which is how she answers for an interviewee when they were slow to find a point, and she talked over a lot of people. But you could also see her energy change when she had a live audience versus online interviews, and even different with a virtual audience. You could also see her energy change about what books she is passionate about versus those less so. So this wasn’t a waste, but I wasn’t enthusiastic.
23 - Truth Be Told - Drama
Summary: Poppy Parnell (Octavia Spencer) is a true crime podcaster after a successful career as an investigative reporter, but she comes to dwell on the first case that made her famous, where a teenager was put away for murdering his neighbor. Now an adult (played by Aaron Paul), Poppy begins talking with him to see if she made a mistake. Meanwhile, the victim’s family is forced to revisit the crime, including twin daughters (both played by Lizzy Caplan), and Poppy’s family confronts her for supporting Cave, who has joined a white supremacist gang in prison.
My Take: This show has an incredible cast, with Michael Beach, Mekhi Phifer, and Ron Cephas Jones in big supporting roles. Race is an unavoidable part of this story, but so is culture, as Poppy is split between her family’s blue-collar roots in Oakland, and the Silicon Valley lifestyle she now lives with her husband across the bay. The Bay Area setting of this series is a big part of the symbolism. The problem is that the mystery viewers came for was never really important. This would’ve been a good third season of a show, once a status quo for these characters had been found, rather than a confusing first season with lots of subplots.
22 - Central Park - Animation
Summary: Animated by the people behind Bob’s Burgers and created in part by Josh Gad, Central Park is an animated musical. The show revolves around the family of the manager of Central Park (Leslie Odom Jr.), and the villainous hotel owner (Stanley Tucci) who wants to undermine the park to buy it and develop it. Gad plays the busker at the park who serves as the audience’s narrator, and it plays like musical theater, with songs written by a range of artists, including Fiona Apple, Sara Bareilles, Cyndi Lauper, Aimee Mann, Alan Menken and Glenn Slater, and Meghan Trainor, among many others.
My Take: The show is silly, but not always in a funny way. The music is reminiscent of the irreverent nature of Avenue Q, and has some star power behind it, though a lot of the music is just meh. I’m not surprised my favorite song, “Spoiler Alert”, was cowritten by Alan Menken of 90’s Disney musical fame. The story, however, very often deviates from the main thrust of the plot and doesn’t seem like it’s going anywhere at times, as it’s more bothered with the humor in ridiculous situations, like the park manager’s son being obsessed with the villain’s dog Champagne. Ultimately, though, the show is just meh. The humor is fine, the story is barely relevant, and the majority of the music will not be found on many people’s playlists going forward, although of course you can find it all on Apple Music.
This show has been one of Apple TV’s only controversies, however. The cast is made from many of Gad’s friends. That led to some controversy, as Gad chose stars before choosing parts. Kristen Bell was put into the role of a bi-racial character, and the two villainous women in the series were played by men (Stanley Tucci and Daveed Diggs, though it’s hard to fault either performance). The controversy was first brought up over the winter. After the summer’s social upheaval, Bell stepped down from the role and her former character will be played in season 2 by Emmy Raver-Lampman. Bell will return as a new character in season 2.
21 - On The Rocks - Comedy (Movie)
Summary: Laura (Rashida Jones) is worried that her husband Dean (Marlon Wayans) may have gotten bored in their marriage and having an affair with a coworker. Laura’s father (Bill Murrary), a charming and unabashed ladies man, tries to help her figure out her suspicions as they follow Dean around.
My Take: Well, Apple TV+ paid for a Sofia Coppola film, and boy, did they get one. What this means is that this is a movie where the plot is less important than the conversation, and in particular, this might as well be a 2-person play between Jones and Murray. Murray is charming as basically a more chauvinistic version of himself, and Jones deadpan is the perfect counter. Ultimately the conversations are predictable, and the very obvious plot takes away any suspense. This lets the movie’s most emotionally revelatory scene go almost completely under the radar. Ultimately, it and any lessons from this film get lost in conversation. Luckily, though, Murray and Jones are enough to carry the film and stop it from becoming just plain lost.
20 - See - Drama
Summary: In the future, the world was hit with a virus that made all humans blind, and predictably led to a societal downfall. The remains of civilization live either in a world wildness has mostly reclaimed, or the ruins of what once was. The story centers on a family where two children have been born with sight, and their adoptive father (Jason Momoa) and their mother (Hera Hilmar), with friends, try to find others with sight, while being chased by a religious monarch and her soldiers, trying to rid the world of the sin of sight.
My Take: One of Apple TV+’s first showcase shows, with a bankable action star in Jason Momoa and a huge budget, See ended up as one of the platform’s disappointments. The show suffers because it’s trying to world build throughout its first season, but is constantly changing the status quo of the world through its first season. Time flies for the characters, as the kids born in the first episode are teens in 3 episodes. Supporting characters are set up and then lost in the shuffle. The show does a fantastic job putting together a realistic world of how the sightless would build a civilization, but it’s not enough to make up for a plot that barely sets a status quo before blowing it up for a new quo.
19 - Bruce Springsteen’s Letter To You - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: A documentary recorded while Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band recorded their first studio album since 2012, Letter To You was inspired as Springsteen lost a former bandmate from The Castiles, his band in the 1960’s. The documentary goes between the band playing the songs, and talking about themselves and their history.
My Take: This is a solid musical documentary, but there’s nothing groundbreaking here. It was filmed in 2019, when Springsteen was 70, and there’s no avoiding that this is and old white rocker feeling nostalgic and sharing wisdom and concerns of a life having survived rock and roll. Filmed in black and white, the documentary is comfortable and the music is nice, but it kind of fades into the background even while people are talking. Bruce and 80’s rock fans will love this. Others might turn it on and forget it’s playing.
18 - Little America - Comedy
Summary: A serial about the immigrant experience, Little America tells different stories about the immigrant life in America, from different time periods and different original countries. Whether it be a child prodigy who is left behind when his parents are deported, an African immigrant interested in becoming a cowboy, or a silent retreat where language is not a barrier, this serial tries to tell stories from every background
My Take: With Executive Producers Kumail Nanjiani and Emiliy V. Gordon as the true star power, this anthology series looks at eight different stories about immigrants living in America, all inspired by real life stories. Quality varies per episode, and sometimes it gets a little predictable and repetitive. Still, it has enough high points to work overall. My personal favorites were “The Manager” and “The Grand Prize Expo Winner”, the latter doing an amazing job of humanizing an often-mocked stereotype in media.
17 - The Oprah Conversation - Talk Show
Summary: Oprah’s intended talk show to bring in celebrities and experts and talk to them, but because of the pandemic, it is without a live audience. However, Oprah brings guests in remotely with huge and small screens that feels futuristic, not limiting in the way many pandemic shows have been. Oprah and the guest are in separate spaces but both are professionally filmed, and the limited audience members are present like portraits on the wall in a gallery.
My Take: Of the three Oprah shows, this feels most like “Oprah”. Due to the timing of the show after social upheaval, many episodes take on the subject of race and race relations. But others are oddly promotional, like Mariah Carey (who coincidentally has a holiday special coming with Apple TV) and Matthew McConaughey (and his new book). The episodes about race are particularly worth watching (as a white man, who is often uncomfortable talking about race). This is definitely peak Oprah.
16 - Little Voice - Drama
Summary: Sara Bareilles, Jordy Nelson, and. J.J. Abrams are the powerhouses behind this series, a sweet but not exactly groundbreaking story about a singer-songwriter trying to make it in New York. Bess (Brittany O’Grady) is a songwriter with anxiety about performing, despite a father in the business. As Bess tries to overcome her anxiety, she has to deal with her autistic brother (Kevin Valdez, an actor who is actually on the spectrum), her roommate/best friend, a coworker at the bar who wants to be her manager, a new musician partner, a potential love interest or two, and her alcoholic father and absent mother. That’s all.
My Take: It works on the back of star Brittany O’Grady, and a compelling cast of people around her life, especially Valdez’s performance, which is one of the most realistic portrayals of autism you’ll find. Bareilles wrote the music, which is beautiful as usual. Where the show falters is that it seems like it’s trying to do every single possible story at once, and every episode feels manic. It almost seems to exhaust every possible plot point and stumbling block in one season. But O’Grady and the music help you keep watching.
15 - The Banker - Drama (Movie)
Summary: Inspired by a true story, this movie follows Bernard Garrett (Anthony Mackie), an African-American prodigy, as he makes himself a success in Los Angeles real estate in the 1950’s and 60’s, and tries to move into banking in his home state of Texas. He and his wife (Nia Long) partners with businessman Joe Morris (Samuel L. Jackson) and white front-man Matt Steiner (Nicholas Hoult) to try and succeed in two racist industries.
My Take: One of Apple TV’s first movies, The Banker has big name stars in Avengers stars Mackie and Jackson and a big-time story. The movie is fast paced and at times feels like skimming a book. It doesn’t skimp on laughs in the first half (with Jackson providing his own laugh track), but it does get much more serious in the second half as it and the characters directly address the racism around them. This is the first Apple TV+ movie that feels distinctly “Hollywood”, both in style in structure. That helps raise ATV+’s profile, but it puts limits this film as well. It’s a good story and worth watching, but is not ground-breaking, and clearly is not an in-depth or entirely accurate look at the story.
It was also a source of a major controversy, as the movie’s release was delayed by allegations of childhood sexual abuse were levied against Bernard Garrett Jr., the son of the main character and a producer on the film, by his half sisters and their mother.
14 - Tehran - Thriller
Summary: An “Apple Original” in title only, this show was made in Israel for their public channel Kan 11, and Apple purchased the international rights. It follows Tamar Rabinyan (Niv Sultan), a young Jewish spy who was born in Iran, as she is inserted into Tehran to try and neutralize Iran’s air defenses so Israel can bomb their nuclear plant. The plot is foiled in the first episode, and Tamar is sent on the run in an enemy city, pursued by the head investigator of the Revolutionary Guard Faraz Kamali (Shaun Toub).
My Take: In many ways, this is a fairly standard spy thriller. There’s a mission, it goes wrong, and everyone is sent scrambling. Tehran gets points, from this American viewer, for exploring the largely unexplored environment of urban Iran (albeit filmed in Athens). The characters switch between Hebrew, Farsi, and English very quickly, which is challenging to hearead. But ultimately, this is a personal spy story of pawns in a bigger war, as the scope grows with each episode. There’s plenty of grey in every side of this conflict. Even with the scope, Tehran gets bogged down and the middle episodes feel filled with filler. Ultimately, it’s solid, and does feel different than most spy shows. And though we get a satisfying resolution, the door is left open for season 2, which is as yet officially unannounced (but reported that they are signed on for two more seasons).
13 - Boys State - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: Every year, young men are brought together in the Texas State Capitol for what is basically a political science camp, where they are broken into their own political parties, and must come up with a platform and compete in an election for roles inspired by state government. During it, these 16-18-year old boys must work together while competing against each other, and learning what politics are.
My Take: A documentary about young men’s mock political competition in Texas, you’ve probably just envisioned something about what this looks like, and no doubt, you’ll probably see exactly that in this documentary. But this Sundance Documentary-winning film doesn’t quite go the way you think, but also close enough that it might not matter. These teens have more nuance than I would’ve expected, and I wish adults had in politics. But it has too much nuance to be received well, I think. Still, if you want a reason to watch this, I’d put money that at least one of the featured boys in this becomes a politician of note in the near future. Also, I am interested in seeing a documentary about the same event for girls, Girls State.
12 - Tiny World - Documentary
Summary: Narrated by Ant-Man’s Paul Rudd, Tiny World takes a look at the world of small animals living in diverse natural habitats around the world. Ranging from the African savannah to the Australian outback to the north American backyard, the show features animals from monkeys that can fit in the palm of your hand, down to the ants that are ever-present.
My Take: Nature documentaries are everywhere, but the cinematography on this is mind-blowing to the point you truly wonder how some of this was shot. Clearly, a large amount of it was manipulated, with rare parts where the CGI shows through, but it doesn’t take away from just how beautiful the shots are. With Rudd’s occasionally wry narration, it makes this a nature documentary that competes with the best stuff on Netflix. The nature never gets too gory, but it does deal with the life and death (sometimes brutal) of tiny nature. And it’s even a great follow-up to the movie “The Elephant Queen” because the first episode features what could be the same dung beetle that featured in that movie! (The movie and this series were not done by the same company, though, so it might just be a look-alike dung beetle they hired.)
11 - Beastie Boys Story - Documentary
Summary: A telling of the Beastie Boys career, by the surviving members Mike “Mike D” Diamond and Adam “Ad-Rock” Horovitz themselves. Directed by Spike Jonze, this documentary is shot as the two tell their story to a live audience in a theater, alternating between them on stage laughing and joking around, and video sequences they narrate about their career, and their friends, especially the late Adam “MCA” Yauch.
My Take: This is such an unusual format for a documentary, and it works so well. It allows for some of the goofing off that one might expect from the stars, but it’s still coherent and interesting, especially for me as a casual fan of the band growing up. On a service with a lot of traditionally-made documentaries, this stands out because of both its style and its quality, and if you like pop music at all, you should enjoy this.
10 - For All Mankind - Drama
Summary: An alternate history series based off a simple question: What if the Soviet Union beat America to the moon? From Battlestar Galactica’s Ronald D. Moore, the answer is that the Americans, more competitive than ever, try to push for more ambitious goals than just landing on the moon and leaving.
My Take: One of the first Apple TV shows, it is a sometimes nerdy but very interesting look at the space race. It balances fictional characters with real life figures (sometimes making interesting decisions when changing their fate), and really tries to focus on the science side of science fiction. The show jumps across years of development, so it’s not as tedious and slow as it could be. It hasn’t captured fans’ imaginations as much as it obviously has its creators’ imaginations, but it’s a quality drama that could get better in future seasons, although it is clearly now swerving to the fiction side of science fiction.
9 - Home Before Dark - Drama
Summary: Hilde Lisko (Brooklynn Prince) is a 9-year old daughter of a journalist who wants to do what he does. When her family moves from New York to her father’s small hometown in Washington, she stumbles onto a mysterious death and does what any reporter would do: writes about it in her blog. But as the mystery expands to her father’s past, she challenges an entire city’s reluctance to face up to a tragedy from decades ago, in the name of journalism.
My Take: A dark horse series that did not get much press, Home Before Dark seems like a show for kids, but is a show is made for adults, with a mystery of twists and turns more like Gone Girl than any children’s show. Prince is the star of this show and keeps viewers attached, even as the mystery’s twists get harder to follow. The show is vaguely inspired by a real life young journalist, but realistically is not at all the same story. It doesn’t matter, as this is as much about family and youthful stubbornness as anything else.
8 - Dickinson - Comedy
Summary: A historical comedy-drama about the life of poet Emily Dickinson (Hailee Steinfeld), this show follows her as a modern-thinking woman in a restrictive 19th century setting, growing up as a teenager. It shows both what’s going on around her, and into her imaginative flights of fancy as she deals with romantic trysts, less-than-friendly friends, and restrictive parents (notably Jane Krakowski as her mother Emily).
My Take: One of the first series from Apple TV+, Dickinson is an ambitious series, but shifts between being a period piece with setting-appropriate acting, and characters acting like modern people but set in the past. As great as parts are, it does struggle with focus and tone, particularly John Mulaney’s guest role as Henry David Thoreau, which feels better suited for a Will Ferrell absurdist comedy than what this show is trying to be. Steinfeld shines in the lead role, but Ella Hunt as Dickinson’s best friend Sue and Jane Krakowski as her mother both are fantastic. The relationship between Dickinson and her best friend Sue, and hints about Dickinson’s deteriorating mental health, are both handled very well. This is a show that has a chance to really find its footing in future seasons.
7 - Greyhound - Action (Movie)
Summary: Captain Ernest Krause (Tom Hanks) has been given command of a destroyer, and a convoy of supply ships to cross the U-Boat infested Atlantic early in World War II. Without air cover, he spends days awake, attempting to outmaneuver an enemy he can not see, or even count. As ships in his convoy are attacked one by one, he must save as many as he can before getting back under the protective air cover from Great Britain.
My Take: A movie that really was meant for the big screen, Greyhound is not interested in your character development or subplots or mandatory romances (mostly). After an initial scene introducing Krause in the lone bit of character development, this movie is about the tense travel of the Atlantic with submarines hunting you. It never shows the human villains, only the occasional peak at the metal beasts when they surface. It also doesn’t jump between ships on this convoy. Strictly a single viewpoint, which makes for a fascinatingly and a little fatiguingly tense film that is shorter than it feels (only 91 minutes!) because of the thrills. This movie is a fantastically different take on the war films we know, and especially for those with military experience, a strong film.
6 - Servant - Drama
Summary: Without significant spoilers, the show focuses on a couple who recently suffered the loss of a child, and have undertaken a real doll therapy, where they take care of a doll to help the psychological effects of losing a child, and go so far as to bring in a mysterious young girl to be the doll’s nanny. Over the span of the series, secrets about the nanny, and the troubles of the couple themselves, slowly leak out.
My Take: M. Night Shymalan’s first television show is a return to the Shymalan of his early years. With the space of a series instead of a movie, Shymalan has the room to explore each character: the almost-grieving mother (Lauren Ambrose), the disaffected and disbelieving husband (Toby Kebbell), the mysterious nanny (Nell Tiger Free), and the doubtful brother of the wife (Rupert Grint, Ron from Harry Potter), who acts as an outside world anchor. By the end, it feels a bit as if the original mystery has become a subplot, but it’s left on a cliffhanger the will leap the plot forward. And throughout the series, Shymalan allows food to be a visual cue and cinematographic toy, setting the mood. This ranks as one of Shymalan’s better stories from his long career.
5 - Visible: Out on Television - Documentary (Miniseries)
Episodes: 5; Stauts: Completed
Summary: A documentary series about how all facets of LGBTQ people have been represented on television, from the 1950’s through today. As a series, the documentary takes time with many the facets of every letter in LGBTQ, and all the letters hidden within it, talking about struggles of people of color. With interviews and clips, it takes it’s time with different eras and weaves it all together. And it’s all done with an undertone of how storytelling works, and the tool that television is, both for misinformation but also for connection.
My Take: Making this a series really allows the time to give this topic the time to really explore it. It’s an engaging documentary, especially for anyone who’s spent any time watching television. There’s nuggets of memory for all of us, where we can connect to the shows we used to watch, both their flaws and triumphs. Certain critics might point to this as Apple trying to force representation down our throats, but this documentary is excellent at telling a compelling story with both history and context.
4 - The Morning Show - Drama
Summary: Apple TV+’s centerpiece, with superstar stars Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Aniston, and Steve Carrell, and yet a scene-stealing supporting cast of Gugu Mbahta-Raw, Billy Crudup (who won an Emmy for his role), Mark Duplass, and Jack Davenport (who is never not good), the show is about a, believe it or not, morning show whose male lead is fired in a sexual misconduct scandal and the after-effects. Witherspoon’s character is unexpectedly brought in to replace him, as power battles go on behind the scenes with everyone from the network head down to the assistant producers, as the secrets spill out about the truth.
My Take: What could be a preachy show about the MeToo movement never gets that way, and attempts a nuanced discussion about the less clear-cut issues. It’s not done perfectly, as some conflicts from the episodic storyline seem to disappear in the next episode, and Mitch is frustratingly (and probably intentionally) likable even as he is hate-able, with Carell showing his range. One flaw of this show is that the extremely likable supporting cast pulls attention away from Aniston and Witherspoon, the former being appropriately lauded with praise but not getting enough to win awards, and the latter getting a little stuck in her character spot. The season finale flurry hits hard, even if it doesn’t feel completely earned, but this show has definitely become the first bankable piece ATV+ has.
3 - Defending Jacob - Drama (Miniseries)
Summary: A boy is murdered, and after an investigation, suspicion falls on one of his classmates, Jacob, who is the son of Andy Barber, one of the assistant district attorneys (Chris Evans). Andy and his wife Laurie (Michelle Dockery) must do their best to defend their son, investigating other leads, but also facing the possibility that their son is guilty, and hiding family secrets.
My Take: Starring Captain America’s Chris Evans, Defending Jacob became the summer hit for Apple TV+, drawing viewers in. The tension between Andy and his wife Laurie, and their slightly creepy son Jacob (Jaeden Martell) as the teen is accused of murder, is filled with tension and, unlike many of the series on Apple TV, comes to a full conclusion in one season. Fans of mysteries like Gone Girl will appreciate this series. Although it can feel slightly stretched, this series hits hard and makes the most of its star power.
2 - Mythic Quest: Raven’s Banquet - Comedy
Summary: Mythic Quest is an online game akin to World of Warcraft, and it’s launching a new expansion to keep its fans engaged. The studio is led by a charmingly sycophantic designer Ian (pronounced EYE-an, played by Rob Mcelhenney), and lead engineer Poppy (Charlotte Nicdao). With a staff of obsessive assistants, disinterested programmers, earnest game testers, snippy game streamers, and an elderly lead writer lost in technology, the show hops along the daily struggles of keeping a game going and its fans happy.
My Take: An absolute home run of a show, as one would expect from the team behind It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Mythic Quest is absurdist comedy at its best, with McElhenney and a breakout performance from Nicdao. However, it’s also an ensemble cast with no weak spots, and a wonderfully obvious premise that is contemporary. It is at its best in two standalone episodes. The first comes out of nowhere, not featuring the main cast but instead acts as a “How the Game Industry Got Here” prequel in heartbreakingly personal fashion. The second is a special Quarantine episode that was perhaps the best quarantine-focused special episode done anywhere.
1 - Ted Lasso - Comedy
Summary: An American Football coach is inexplicably hired as a Soccer…er, real Football coach in the Premiere League in London. The titular Lasso is genuine and earnest, openly saying he doesn’t think winning has to do with the score, and he faces a soccer world where the opposite is true. He faces disbelieving players, abusive fans, unsure team staff, and a devious owner, but he barely blinks in the face of it all, and tries to keep his team from relegation…once he learns what that means.
My Take: An absolute surprise of a show, based on NBC Sports comedy promos, that has no right to be so great. Ted Lasso is on its face a fish-out-of-water sports show about an American football coach going to Europe to coach football/soccer. But it’s really a movie about a polite man in an impolite world, and bending rather than breaking, and sticking to your principles. It’s not laugh out loud funny, but it is surprisingly emotional. It’s also a show that champions maturity in a way that hits harder in a 2020 world, and so it’s also very well-timed. The only problem with Ted Lasso the show is that even though it gives Apple TV+ a recognizable character to market, it’s not a must-subscribe show. But it’s unquestionably one of Apple TV+’s best.
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2020.11.01 08:17 BruteSentiment Hidden cam wife

In one year, Apple TV+ has released a pretty solid slate of original material. Not including children-oriented content, Apple TV+ has released 20 series, 3 miniseries, 9 movies, and 2 talk shows. From the start, Apple has said that the goal of the content is on quality, not quantity. But…has it lived up to that?
34 - Greatness Code - Documentary
Summary: Each episode features a different athlete talking about a key moment in their careers. The show features athletes from many different sports, including basketball’s LeBron James, soccer’s Alex Morgan (sorry…footballer Alex Morgan), snowboarder Shaun White, sprinter Usain Bolt, swimmer Katie Ledecky, surfer Kelly Slater, and (American) footballer Tom Brady (who is a co-producer).
My Take: This is the easy winner for the worst thing on Apple TV+. The only good thing about this “show” is that the episodes are usually no more than 10 minutes long. The monologues by the athletes are…fine. There’s nothing you haven’t really heard before here. The problem is that the special effects take away from actually seeing the athlete in action. Almost every bit of action has some animation or filter or something over it, so we almost never actually see the events being discussed. It’s pretty ridiculous. After watching this, I genuinely wondered if this series was intended to be part of Apple TV+’s children’s offerings, because that is the only level where it could at all seem “great”.
33 - Oprah Talks Covid-19 - News (Miniseries)
Summary: Not long after the COVID-19 pandemic started major lockdowns across the United States, Oprah quickly began to do online interviews with people who she hoped would bring perspective and uplifting messages, from celebrities to pastors to nurses to people who had experienced isolation in prison and the holocaust. This series ran for nearly a month from mid-March to mid-April in 2020.
My Take: One of Oprah’s three series, this one is the lowest ranked just because much of the information within it is out of date, and is aimed at people at a certain time, which was months ago. But in a way, it’s a bit of a time capsule of the early parts of the pandemic in the public eye, which is interesting. It’s almost as interesting to see the production value (or lack there of), as the majority of the episodes are screen recordings of online interviews. It’s perhaps only worth watching now for being a curiosity, but Apple and Oprah did good getting something up in a timely fashion.
32 - Amazing Stories - Adventure
Summary: An anthology series executive produced by Steven Spielberg, the show brings back the “Amazing Stories” brand with five independent stories about incredible adventures that play with sci-fi and fantasy about regular people put in amazing situations.
My Take: Amazing Stories was to be one of Apple TV’s tentpoles for the summer. Unfortunately, the series landed flat, and is by far the biggest disappointment. It’s yet another TV series that original co-Producer Bryan Fuller left. The show was originally to have ten episodes, it ended up with just five. The stories were not very groundbreaking, though they were beautifully shot. It might be worth checking out for Robert Forster’s last project before he died (Dynoman and the Volt), and for the touching “The Heat” about high school runners from Oakland.
31 - Home - Documentary
Summary: As you might imagine, this documentary series is not just about the architecture of a house, but about the people behind building and designing them. Each episode features a different house and story, with houses chosen from around the world, from urban environments like Chicago and Hong Kong to remote locations in Maine and Bali.
My Take: Although cable and streaming is littered with television programs about houses and architecture, this show passes on the drama, which helps Home become a documentary, and not a reality show. The cinematography is predictably beautiful, but the pacing is slow, and it’s very hard to really get into. It doesn’t help that a couple of the home builders behind the stories are honestly not very likable. The final episode of the first season is really good, but ultimately, this show is a bit of a snooze beyond the real enthusiasts.
30 - Dads - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: Directed by Bryce Dallas Howard, this movie looks at fathers across the many levels of fatherhood, anchored by Howard’s own relationship with her father, actodirector Ron Howard, and her grandfather Archie, as well as Bryce’s non-celebrity brother who is an expecting father. The movie shifts to stories about fathers from around the world, and back to the Howards, to celebrate the ever-shifting role of fatherhood in modern society.
My Take: This documentary is a sweet, if simple, tribute to modern fatherhood. There’s nothing special here, it does exactly what you would expect it to. It has cameo interviews from comedian fathers, interspersed with random recordings of fathers from home movies and social media, and stories of fathers in different situations. There’s nothing bad about it, but it’s pretty dry overall. It’s not a waste, but it’ll probably end up being the thing you see in the list and say “Oh, I’ll watch that another time…”, which might as well be next Father’s Day with your dad.
29 - Dear… - Documentary
Summary: A documentary series that details the history and life of various individual celebrities, and uses letters written by people they have affected to frame those celebrities’ impact on people and society.
My Take: Apple has used the advertising method of using letters written to Apple or Tim Cook about how things have changed their lives (particularly the Apple Watch), and in that context this series feels like, well, advertising. Not to take anything away from the celebrities involved, but the marketing push feels very heavy here. And, of course, one of the celebrities featured is Oprah, who is a big presence in ATV+. It also gets absurd with one episode around Big Bird (in character); of course, the Muppets have a spin-off in the kids section of ATV+ called Helpsters. It’s best with the smaller names, where even I learned a little bit. It’s a decent feel-good if that’s what you’re looking for.
28 - Long Way Up - Documentary (Miniseries)
Summary: The third docu-series by Ewan McGregor and his best friend Charley Boorman as they take a long road trip by motorcycle. This trip, they are traveling from the southern tip of South America up to Los Angeles, and are doing it (almost) entirely on electric vehicles. The series highlights both the places they visit along the way, and the travails (and successes) of using these new, custom-made electric motorcycles. (The other two series Long Way Round and Long Way Down have also been added to ATV+, though they are not ‘Apple Originals’.)
My Take: I’ve got to be honest, it’s hard to get into watching others take a road trip. It’s nice enough. The footage is beautiful, as they use everything from GoPro helmet cams to drones to capture the scenery. But the major source of tension here is Range Anxiety, and the biggest drama is in whether or not they can do it all on electric bikes. Still, it’s interesting to see parts of South America many aren’t familiar with, including deserts and the vast Patagonia. And Ewan does seem like someone that would be a great bloke to be mates with. Some people will really enjoy this, I’m just not one of them.
27 - The Elephant Queen - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: Narrated by the soft-spoken Chiwetel Ejiofor, an elephant herd must navigate the climate of the savannah to survive. Led by the matriarch, they must migrate before the dry season hits to stay around water, and then return to their normal grazing land. Along the way, we meet the many other creatures of the savannah and face the changing climates and droughts that get in the way of these pachyderms.
My Take: A documentary much in the style of the old Disney documentaries, the Elephant Queen does a lot of anthropomorphizing its subjects, who range from elephants to dung beetles, and follows them through a difficult season. It is borderline kids-oriented, but adults might enjoy this as well. It’s not afraid to delve into some sad situations, and there is an overriding theme of what happens in droughts that can not be ignored. A sweet film, perhaps a bit saccharine.
26 - Hala - Drama (Movie)
Summary: Hala is a Pakistani-American teenage girl and her trying to balance her family and cultural pressures with being a teen in America. She longs to be out of the pressures of her family’s culture as she interacts with friends and teachers outside of the home. When she does try to act out, she begins to discover more about her family, both discovering secrets and sides she never knew about, as she discovers more about herself.
My Take: Apple TV+’s first fictional feature film release, this coming of age film is never really surprising, but it is a well made film that hits all the right nuances in trying to share Hala’s experience. It’s not a perfect film, as there are some shifts in tone and character that are rather sudden and jarring for the viewer, though all things considered, that’s probably what writedirector Minhal Baig was trying for. The emotions shift quickly and non-family characters disappear quickly, as it’s clear that this is Hala’s story, and not anyone else’s. It’s a solid watch.
25 - Trying - Comedy
Summary: A British couple, Nikki and Jason, have decided to adopt when they have trouble conceiving. They struggle with the truly difficult process of adopting, as well as insecurities about whether or not the two (who could be called slackers) are truly ready to be, or even worthy of being, parents.
My Take: This is a British comedy co-produced by BBC that is about an intensely serious subject. If you know British humor, you know that it will be very intentionally awkward, and this series can definitely hit that mark. While the show is certainly has about its two main characters (Rafe Spall and Esther Smith as the couple), it has a surprisingly large cast of supporting characters, but with only one star most Americans would know (Imelda Staunton as the most unintimidating social worker ever). It’s an interesting concept, and it finds some sweet moments, but not as many funny ones. It’s not bad, but is just okay.
24 - Oprah’s Book Club - Talk Show
Summary: This was the first Oprah show to appear on Apple TV+, serving as a cross-section of Apple services (which advertises Books and Podcasts), and the only one that got to meet the pre-pandemic style of Oprah’s shows. The idea was that Oprah would interview authors and let an audience ask questions. But the series also shows the effects of the pandemic. Once the pandemic hits, the audience is gone, and it becomes direct virtual interviews for a couple of episodes before Apple and Oprah find a way to have a virtual audience.
My Take: I admit, I didn’t read any of the books selected for this list. I still got something out of these shows, but more of an analysis of Oprah than the books. It did show off one of her worst traits, which is how she answers for an interviewee when they were slow to find a point, and she talked over a lot of people. But you could also see her energy change when she had a live audience versus online interviews, and even different with a virtual audience. You could also see her energy change about what books she is passionate about versus those less so. So this wasn’t a waste, but I wasn’t enthusiastic.
23 - Truth Be Told - Drama
Summary: Poppy Parnell (Octavia Spencer) is a true crime podcaster after a successful career as an investigative reporter, but she comes to dwell on the first case that made her famous, where a teenager was put away for murdering his neighbor. Now an adult (played by Aaron Paul), Poppy begins talking with him to see if she made a mistake. Meanwhile, the victim’s family is forced to revisit the crime, including twin daughters (both played by Lizzy Caplan), and Poppy’s family confronts her for supporting Cave, who has joined a white supremacist gang in prison.
My Take: This show has an incredible cast, with Michael Beach, Mekhi Phifer, and Ron Cephas Jones in big supporting roles. Race is an unavoidable part of this story, but so is culture, as Poppy is split between her family’s blue-collar roots in Oakland, and the Silicon Valley lifestyle she now lives with her husband across the bay. The Bay Area setting of this series is a big part of the symbolism. The problem is that the mystery viewers came for was never really important. This would’ve been a good third season of a show, once a status quo for these characters had been found, rather than a confusing first season with lots of subplots.
22 - Central Park - Animation
Summary: Animated by the people behind Bob’s Burgers and created in part by Josh Gad, Central Park is an animated musical. The show revolves around the family of the manager of Central Park (Leslie Odom Jr.), and the villainous hotel owner (Stanley Tucci) who wants to undermine the park to buy it and develop it. Gad plays the busker at the park who serves as the audience’s narrator, and it plays like musical theater, with songs written by a range of artists, including Fiona Apple, Sara Bareilles, Cyndi Lauper, Aimee Mann, Alan Menken and Glenn Slater, and Meghan Trainor, among many others.
My Take: The show is silly, but not always in a funny way. The music is reminiscent of the irreverent nature of Avenue Q, and has some star power behind it, though a lot of the music is just meh. I’m not surprised my favorite song, “Spoiler Alert”, was cowritten by Alan Menken of 90’s Disney musical fame. The story, however, very often deviates from the main thrust of the plot and doesn’t seem like it’s going anywhere at times, as it’s more bothered with the humor in ridiculous situations, like the park manager’s son being obsessed with the villain’s dog Champagne. Ultimately, though, the show is just meh. The humor is fine, the story is barely relevant, and the majority of the music will not be found on many people’s playlists going forward, although of course you can find it all on Apple Music.
This show has been one of Apple TV’s only controversies, however. The cast is made from many of Gad’s friends. That led to some controversy, as Gad chose stars before choosing parts. Kristen Bell was put into the role of a bi-racial character, and the two villainous women in the series were played by men (Stanley Tucci and Daveed Diggs, though it’s hard to fault either performance). The controversy was first brought up over the winter. After the summer’s social upheaval, Bell stepped down from the role and her former character will be played in season 2 by Emmy Raver-Lampman. Bell will return as a new character in season 2.
21 - On The Rocks - Comedy (Movie)
Summary: Laura (Rashida Jones) is worried that her husband Dean (Marlon Wayans) may have gotten bored in their marriage and having an affair with a coworker. Laura’s father (Bill Murrary), a charming and unabashed ladies man, tries to help her figure out her suspicions as they follow Dean around.
My Take: Well, Apple TV+ paid for a Sofia Coppola film, and boy, did they get one. What this means is that this is a movie where the plot is less important than the conversation, and in particular, this might as well be a 2-person play between Jones and Murray. Murray is charming as basically a more chauvinistic version of himself, and Jones deadpan is the perfect counter. Ultimately the conversations are predictable, and the very obvious plot takes away any suspense. This lets the movie’s most emotionally revelatory scene go almost completely under the radar. Ultimately, it and any lessons from this film get lost in conversation. Luckily, though, Murray and Jones are enough to carry the film and stop it from becoming just plain lost.
20 - See - Drama
Summary: In the future, the world was hit with a virus that made all humans blind, and predictably led to a societal downfall. The remains of civilization live either in a world wildness has mostly reclaimed, or the ruins of what once was. The story centers on a family where two children have been born with sight, and their adoptive father (Jason Momoa) and their mother (Hera Hilmar), with friends, try to find others with sight, while being chased by a religious monarch and her soldiers, trying to rid the world of the sin of sight.
My Take: One of Apple TV+’s first showcase shows, with a bankable action star in Jason Momoa and a huge budget, See ended up as one of the platform’s disappointments. The show suffers because it’s trying to world build throughout its first season, but is constantly changing the status quo of the world through its first season. Time flies for the characters, as the kids born in the first episode are teens in 3 episodes. Supporting characters are set up and then lost in the shuffle. The show does a fantastic job putting together a realistic world of how the sightless would build a civilization, but it’s not enough to make up for a plot that barely sets a status quo before blowing it up for a new quo.
19 - Bruce Springsteen’s Letter To You - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: A documentary recorded while Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band recorded their first studio album since 2012, Letter To You was inspired as Springsteen lost a former bandmate from The Castiles, his band in the 1960’s. The documentary goes between the band playing the songs, and talking about themselves and their history.
My Take: This is a solid musical documentary, but there’s nothing groundbreaking here. It was filmed in 2019, when Springsteen was 70, and there’s no avoiding that this is and old white rocker feeling nostalgic and sharing wisdom and concerns of a life having survived rock and roll. Filmed in black and white, the documentary is comfortable and the music is nice, but it kind of fades into the background even while people are talking. Bruce and 80’s rock fans will love this. Others might turn it on and forget it’s playing.
18 - Little America - Comedy
Summary: A serial about the immigrant experience, Little America tells different stories about the immigrant life in America, from different time periods and different original countries. Whether it be a child prodigy who is left behind when his parents are deported, an African immigrant interested in becoming a cowboy, or a silent retreat where language is not a barrier, this serial tries to tell stories from every background
My Take: With Executive Producers Kumail Nanjiani and Emiliy V. Gordon as the true star power, this anthology series looks at eight different stories about immigrants living in America, all inspired by real life stories. Quality varies per episode, and sometimes it gets a little predictable and repetitive. Still, it has enough high points to work overall. My personal favorites were “The Manager” and “The Grand Prize Expo Winner”, the latter doing an amazing job of humanizing an often-mocked stereotype in media.
17 - The Oprah Conversation - Talk Show
Summary: Oprah’s intended talk show to bring in celebrities and experts and talk to them, but because of the pandemic, it is without a live audience. However, Oprah brings guests in remotely with huge and small screens that feels futuristic, not limiting in the way many pandemic shows have been. Oprah and the guest are in separate spaces but both are professionally filmed, and the limited audience members are present like portraits on the wall in a gallery.
My Take: Of the three Oprah shows, this feels most like “Oprah”. Due to the timing of the show after social upheaval, many episodes take on the subject of race and race relations. But others are oddly promotional, like Mariah Carey (who coincidentally has a holiday special coming with Apple TV) and Matthew McConaughey (and his new book). The episodes about race are particularly worth watching (as a white man, who is often uncomfortable talking about race). This is definitely peak Oprah.
16 - Little Voice - Drama
Summary: Sara Bareilles, Jordy Nelson, and. J.J. Abrams are the powerhouses behind this series, a sweet but not exactly groundbreaking story about a singer-songwriter trying to make it in New York. Bess (Brittany O’Grady) is a songwriter with anxiety about performing, despite a father in the business. As Bess tries to overcome her anxiety, she has to deal with her autistic brother (Kevin Valdez, an actor who is actually on the spectrum), her roommate/best friend, a coworker at the bar who wants to be her manager, a new musician partner, a potential love interest or two, and her alcoholic father and absent mother. That’s all.
My Take: It works on the back of star Brittany O’Grady, and a compelling cast of people around her life, especially Valdez’s performance, which is one of the most realistic portrayals of autism you’ll find. Bareilles wrote the music, which is beautiful as usual. Where the show falters is that it seems like it’s trying to do every single possible story at once, and every episode feels manic. It almost seems to exhaust every possible plot point and stumbling block in one season. But O’Grady and the music help you keep watching.
15 - The Banker - Drama (Movie)
Summary: Inspired by a true story, this movie follows Bernard Garrett (Anthony Mackie), an African-American prodigy, as he makes himself a success in Los Angeles real estate in the 1950’s and 60’s, and tries to move into banking in his home state of Texas. He and his wife (Nia Long) partners with businessman Joe Morris (Samuel L. Jackson) and white front-man Matt Steiner (Nicholas Hoult) to try and succeed in two racist industries.
My Take: One of Apple TV’s first movies, The Banker has big name stars in Avengers stars Mackie and Jackson and a big-time story. The movie is fast paced and at times feels like skimming a book. It doesn’t skimp on laughs in the first half (with Jackson providing his own laugh track), but it does get much more serious in the second half as it and the characters directly address the racism around them. This is the first Apple TV+ movie that feels distinctly “Hollywood”, both in style in structure. That helps raise ATV+’s profile, but it puts limits this film as well. It’s a good story and worth watching, but is not ground-breaking, and clearly is not an in-depth or entirely accurate look at the story.
It was also a source of a major controversy, as the movie’s release was delayed by allegations of childhood sexual abuse were levied against Bernard Garrett Jr., the son of the main character and a producer on the film, by his half sisters and their mother.
14 - Tehran - Thriller
Summary: An “Apple Original” in title only, this show was made in Israel for their public channel Kan 11, and Apple purchased the international rights. It follows Tamar Rabinyan (Niv Sultan), a young Jewish spy who was born in Iran, as she is inserted into Tehran to try and neutralize Iran’s air defenses so Israel can bomb their nuclear plant. The plot is foiled in the first episode, and Tamar is sent on the run in an enemy city, pursued by the head investigator of the Revolutionary Guard Faraz Kamali (Shaun Toub).
My Take: In many ways, this is a fairly standard spy thriller. There’s a mission, it goes wrong, and everyone is sent scrambling. Tehran gets points, from this American viewer, for exploring the largely unexplored environment of urban Iran (albeit filmed in Athens). The characters switch between Hebrew, Farsi, and English very quickly, which is challenging to hearead. But ultimately, this is a personal spy story of pawns in a bigger war, as the scope grows with each episode. There’s plenty of grey in every side of this conflict. Even with the scope, Tehran gets bogged down and the middle episodes feel filled with filler. Ultimately, it’s solid, and does feel different than most spy shows. And though we get a satisfying resolution, the door is left open for season 2, which is as yet officially unannounced (but reported that they are signed on for two more seasons).
13 - Boys State - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: Every year, young men are brought together in the Texas State Capitol for what is basically a political science camp, where they are broken into their own political parties, and must come up with a platform and compete in an election for roles inspired by state government. During it, these 16-18-year old boys must work together while competing against each other, and learning what politics are.
My Take: A documentary about young men’s mock political competition in Texas, you’ve probably just envisioned something about what this looks like, and no doubt, you’ll probably see exactly that in this documentary. But this Sundance Documentary-winning film doesn’t quite go the way you think, but also close enough that it might not matter. These teens have more nuance than I would’ve expected, and I wish adults had in politics. But it has too much nuance to be received well, I think. Still, if you want a reason to watch this, I’d put money that at least one of the featured boys in this becomes a politician of note in the near future. Also, I am interested in seeing a documentary about the same event for girls, Girls State.
12 - Tiny World - Documentary
Summary: Narrated by Ant-Man’s Paul Rudd, Tiny World takes a look at the world of small animals living in diverse natural habitats around the world. Ranging from the African savannah to the Australian outback to the north American backyard, the show features animals from monkeys that can fit in the palm of your hand, down to the ants that are ever-present.
My Take: Nature documentaries are everywhere, but the cinematography on this is mind-blowing to the point you truly wonder how some of this was shot. Clearly, a large amount of it was manipulated, with rare parts where the CGI shows through, but it doesn’t take away from just how beautiful the shots are. With Rudd’s occasionally wry narration, it makes this a nature documentary that competes with the best stuff on Netflix. The nature never gets too gory, but it does deal with the life and death (sometimes brutal) of tiny nature. And it’s even a great follow-up to the movie “The Elephant Queen” because the first episode features what could be the same dung beetle that featured in that movie! (The movie and this series were not done by the same company, though, so it might just be a look-alike dung beetle they hired.)
11 - Beastie Boys Story - Documentary
Summary: A telling of the Beastie Boys career, by the surviving members Mike “Mike D” Diamond and Adam “Ad-Rock” Horovitz themselves. Directed by Spike Jonze, this documentary is shot as the two tell their story to a live audience in a theater, alternating between them on stage laughing and joking around, and video sequences they narrate about their career, and their friends, especially the late Adam “MCA” Yauch.
My Take: This is such an unusual format for a documentary, and it works so well. It allows for some of the goofing off that one might expect from the stars, but it’s still coherent and interesting, especially for me as a casual fan of the band growing up. On a service with a lot of traditionally-made documentaries, this stands out because of both its style and its quality, and if you like pop music at all, you should enjoy this.
10 - For All Mankind - Drama
Summary: An alternate history series based off a simple question: What if the Soviet Union beat America to the moon? From Battlestar Galactica’s Ronald D. Moore, the answer is that the Americans, more competitive than ever, try to push for more ambitious goals than just landing on the moon and leaving.
My Take: One of the first Apple TV shows, it is a sometimes nerdy but very interesting look at the space race. It balances fictional characters with real life figures (sometimes making interesting decisions when changing their fate), and really tries to focus on the science side of science fiction. The show jumps across years of development, so it’s not as tedious and slow as it could be. It hasn’t captured fans’ imaginations as much as it obviously has its creators’ imaginations, but it’s a quality drama that could get better in future seasons, although it is clearly now swerving to the fiction side of science fiction.
9 - Home Before Dark - Drama
Summary: Hilde Lisko (Brooklynn Prince) is a 9-year old daughter of a journalist who wants to do what he does. When her family moves from New York to her father’s small hometown in Washington, she stumbles onto a mysterious death and does what any reporter would do: writes about it in her blog. But as the mystery expands to her father’s past, she challenges an entire city’s reluctance to face up to a tragedy from decades ago, in the name of journalism.
My Take: A dark horse series that did not get much press, Home Before Dark seems like a show for kids, but is a show is made for adults, with a mystery of twists and turns more like Gone Girl than any children’s show. Prince is the star of this show and keeps viewers attached, even as the mystery’s twists get harder to follow. The show is vaguely inspired by a real life young journalist, but realistically is not at all the same story. It doesn’t matter, as this is as much about family and youthful stubbornness as anything else.
8 - Dickinson - Comedy
Summary: A historical comedy-drama about the life of poet Emily Dickinson (Hailee Steinfeld), this show follows her as a modern-thinking woman in a restrictive 19th century setting, growing up as a teenager. It shows both what’s going on around her, and into her imaginative flights of fancy as she deals with romantic trysts, less-than-friendly friends, and restrictive parents (notably Jane Krakowski as her mother Emily).
My Take: One of the first series from Apple TV+, Dickinson is an ambitious series, but shifts between being a period piece with setting-appropriate acting, and characters acting like modern people but set in the past. As great as parts are, it does struggle with focus and tone, particularly John Mulaney’s guest role as Henry David Thoreau, which feels better suited for a Will Ferrell absurdist comedy than what this show is trying to be. Steinfeld shines in the lead role, but Ella Hunt as Dickinson’s best friend Sue and Jane Krakowski as her mother both are fantastic. The relationship between Dickinson and her best friend Sue, and hints about Dickinson’s deteriorating mental health, are both handled very well. This is a show that has a chance to really find its footing in future seasons.
7 - Greyhound - Action (Movie)
Summary: Captain Ernest Krause (Tom Hanks) has been given command of a destroyer, and a convoy of supply ships to cross the U-Boat infested Atlantic early in World War II. Without air cover, he spends days awake, attempting to outmaneuver an enemy he can not see, or even count. As ships in his convoy are attacked one by one, he must save as many as he can before getting back under the protective air cover from Great Britain.
My Take: A movie that really was meant for the big screen, Greyhound is not interested in your character development or subplots or mandatory romances (mostly). After an initial scene introducing Krause in the lone bit of character development, this movie is about the tense travel of the Atlantic with submarines hunting you. It never shows the human villains, only the occasional peak at the metal beasts when they surface. It also doesn’t jump between ships on this convoy. Strictly a single viewpoint, which makes for a fascinatingly and a little fatiguingly tense film that is shorter than it feels (only 91 minutes!) because of the thrills. This movie is a fantastically different take on the war films we know, and especially for those with military experience, a strong film.
6 - Servant - Drama
Summary: Without significant spoilers, the show focuses on a couple who recently suffered the loss of a child, and have undertaken a real doll therapy, where they take care of a doll to help the psychological effects of losing a child, and go so far as to bring in a mysterious young girl to be the doll’s nanny. Over the span of the series, secrets about the nanny, and the troubles of the couple themselves, slowly leak out.
My Take: M. Night Shymalan’s first television show is a return to the Shymalan of his early years. With the space of a series instead of a movie, Shymalan has the room to explore each character: the almost-grieving mother (Lauren Ambrose), the disaffected and disbelieving husband (Toby Kebbell), the mysterious nanny (Nell Tiger Free), and the doubtful brother of the wife (Rupert Grint, Ron from Harry Potter), who acts as an outside world anchor. By the end, it feels a bit as if the original mystery has become a subplot, but it’s left on a cliffhanger the will leap the plot forward. And throughout the series, Shymalan allows food to be a visual cue and cinematographic toy, setting the mood. This ranks as one of Shymalan’s better stories from his long career.
5 - Visible: Out on Television - Documentary (Miniseries)
Episodes: 5; Stauts: Completed
Summary: A documentary series about how all facets of LGBTQ people have been represented on television, from the 1950’s through today. As a series, the documentary takes time with many the facets of every letter in LGBTQ, and all the letters hidden within it, talking about struggles of people of color. With interviews and clips, it takes it’s time with different eras and weaves it all together. And it’s all done with an undertone of how storytelling works, and the tool that television is, both for misinformation but also for connection.
My Take: Making this a series really allows the time to give this topic the time to really explore it. It’s an engaging documentary, especially for anyone who’s spent any time watching television. There’s nuggets of memory for all of us, where we can connect to the shows we used to watch, both their flaws and triumphs. Certain critics might point to this as Apple trying to force representation down our throats, but this documentary is excellent at telling a compelling story with both history and context.
4 - The Morning Show - Drama
Summary: Apple TV+’s centerpiece, with superstar stars Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Aniston, and Steve Carrell, and yet a scene-stealing supporting cast of Gugu Mbahta-Raw, Billy Crudup (who won an Emmy for his role), Mark Duplass, and Jack Davenport (who is never not good), the show is about a, believe it or not, morning show whose male lead is fired in a sexual misconduct scandal and the after-effects. Witherspoon’s character is unexpectedly brought in to replace him, as power battles go on behind the scenes with everyone from the network head down to the assistant producers, as the secrets spill out about the truth.
My Take: What could be a preachy show about the MeToo movement never gets that way, and attempts a nuanced discussion about the less clear-cut issues. It’s not done perfectly, as some conflicts from the episodic storyline seem to disappear in the next episode, and Mitch is frustratingly (and probably intentionally) likable even as he is hate-able, with Carell showing his range. One flaw of this show is that the extremely likable supporting cast pulls attention away from Aniston and Witherspoon, the former being appropriately lauded with praise but not getting enough to win awards, and the latter getting a little stuck in her character spot. The season finale flurry hits hard, even if it doesn’t feel completely earned, but this show has definitely become the first bankable piece ATV+ has.
3 - Defending Jacob - Drama (Miniseries)
Summary: A boy is murdered, and after an investigation, suspicion falls on one of his classmates, Jacob, who is the son of Andy Barber, one of the assistant district attorneys (Chris Evans). Andy and his wife Laurie (Michelle Dockery) must do their best to defend their son, investigating other leads, but also facing the possibility that their son is guilty, and hiding family secrets.
My Take: Starring Captain America’s Chris Evans, Defending Jacob became the summer hit for Apple TV+, drawing viewers in. The tension between Andy and his wife Laurie, and their slightly creepy son Jacob (Jaeden Martell) as the teen is accused of murder, is filled with tension and, unlike many of the series on Apple TV, comes to a full conclusion in one season. Fans of mysteries like Gone Girl will appreciate this series. Although it can feel slightly stretched, this series hits hard and makes the most of its star power.
2 - Mythic Quest: Raven’s Banquet - Comedy
Summary: Mythic Quest is an online game akin to World of Warcraft, and it’s launching a new expansion to keep its fans engaged. The studio is led by a charmingly sycophantic designer Ian (pronounced EYE-an, played by Rob Mcelhenney), and lead engineer Poppy (Charlotte Nicdao). With a staff of obsessive assistants, disinterested programmers, earnest game testers, snippy game streamers, and an elderly lead writer lost in technology, the show hops along the daily struggles of keeping a game going and its fans happy.
My Take: An absolute home run of a show, as one would expect from the team behind It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Mythic Quest is absurdist comedy at its best, with McElhenney and a breakout performance from Nicdao. However, it’s also an ensemble cast with no weak spots, and a wonderfully obvious premise that is contemporary. It is at its best in two standalone episodes. The first comes out of nowhere, not featuring the main cast but instead acts as a “How the Game Industry Got Here” prequel in heartbreakingly personal fashion. The second is a special Quarantine episode that was perhaps the best quarantine-focused special episode done anywhere.
1 - Ted Lasso - Comedy
Summary: An American Football coach is inexplicably hired as a Soccer…er, real Football coach in the Premiere League in London. The titular Lasso is genuine and earnest, openly saying he doesn’t think winning has to do with the score, and he faces a soccer world where the opposite is true. He faces disbelieving players, abusive fans, unsure team staff, and a devious owner, but he barely blinks in the face of it all, and tries to keep his team from relegation…once he learns what that means.
My Take: An absolute surprise of a show, based on NBC Sports comedy promos, that has no right to be so great. Ted Lasso is on its face a fish-out-of-water sports show about an American football coach going to Europe to coach football/soccer. But it’s really a movie about a polite man in an impolite world, and bending rather than breaking, and sticking to your principles. It’s not laugh out loud funny, but it is surprisingly emotional. It’s also a show that champions maturity in a way that hits harder in a 2020 world, and so it’s also very well-timed. The only problem with Ted Lasso the show is that even though it gives Apple TV+ a recognizable character to market, it’s not a must-subscribe show. But it’s unquestionably one of Apple TV+’s best.
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