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2020.07.21 07:11 liner21Jul Stepmom caught me spying
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submitted by liner21Jul to Home_Made_Fun [link] [comments]
2020.07.18 17:39 Bago18JJulOly Stepmom caught me spying
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2020.07.18 14:38 18Jlulbarium Stepmom me caught spying
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2020.07.17 16:18 xdxx4517Jul Office Por-n Tube Movi-es
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submitted by xdxx4517Jul to Home_Made_Fun [link] [comments]
2020.03.16 23:20 AmanDog2020 Stepmom caught me spying
Edit: They just postponed all hearings until May and June. Fuck.
TLDR at bottom
So yeah coronavirus .
STBX and I have a good day Saturday acknowledging the irony of us being couped up together still and the overall craziness and absurdity of life.
By Saturday evening I could tell he was also seeing this as an "in" to try and make our impending divorce disappear and I was annoyed.
Last weekend I took our daughter for a ski day with our friends and family. It was a beautiful day and my daughter and my friend's daughter were spinning laps on the tow rope playing in the mini park. My friend and I were at the bottom watching and filming. My daughter took her coat off but didn't tuck her ski pass into her sweatshirt. At the top of the tow rope, the wind had blown just right and her pass got caught. She fell and was dragged and her pass lanyard, being around her neck, causes her to choke before the lanyard finally broke.
I watched helplessly from 200 yards away not 100% sure what was happening but I could see it was working itself out and the two girls came skiing down to tell us what happened. She had a red ring around her neck from where the lanyard pulled and the smallest little bruise mark on the inside of her neck maybe an inch long and a millimeter wide. She was shaken up, but still she rode one more lap before calling it quits. We went on to have a wonderful rest of the day having a family dinner and doing a jigsaw puzzle.
When we returned home late that night, he was passed out but she went to say goodnight and of course immediately told him what happened. He seemed ok and told her stories from being a lift op about what he'd seen happen in the past.
When I had finished putting her to bed he was waiting for me in the living room. He lit me up calling me an irresponsible, mediocre mom. That this was no different then the time he let her drive the 4wheeler last spring (with him on it)and she punched the gas trying to make a sharp turn down a very short but steep hill. They shot across the road and crashed into trees. She had bruises all up and down her back and legs and the top layers of skin were completely ripped off her forearm. He would never admit it and I can't prove it, but I have to believe he'd been drinking that day.
His berating of me was intense but I couldn't argue or it would just pop off so I just said you're right, I should've caught the pass. He continued to yell and tell me how she almost died, had her head pulled off, how he'd take it into court and how I should sleep on that and then called me a bitch cunt.
For what it's worth I have photo evidence of him having 3 empty fifth bottles in his drawer Friday night when he left out of nowhere when we were all shut down for bed. Then there being 4 bottles at 9am the next morning when he left to go buy us breakfast before our ski day. So basically a fifth consumed inside less then 12 hours.
The Sunday after the ski day, I had breakfast with his dad and stepmom and told them what occured. I showed them the photos of the bottles and they said what happened at the ski hill was an accident. True negligence is him driving around intoxicated daily with our daughter.
I told them how friend of the court had told me that if anything were to happen to her under his care while drunk and it was understood that I knew about it, I could lose her.
His parents said, they would also blame me and that I needed to tell him starting immediately he can't pick her up from school after work anymore.
Later that day stbx blew us off for the end of ski club banquet because he wanted to go play basketball for the first time in about 5+ years. Despite the fact the banquet was from 3 to 6pm and bball did not start until 6:30, also we had plans to take two cars so he could leave early. But he was clearly drunk when we left so it was just the two of us.
While there I sent him a text trying to passively get the message across. A few things for context on the text: When we had our first FOC meeting the lady literally scoffed at his pay stubs and the fact that he only had 15 hours average and pointed out that a court would be looking at his workable hours not what he actually clocks.
The next night after that meeting he came home telling me he had "unlimited hours at work now" and that he was going to be doing dropoffs and I could do pick-ups. Nothing ultimately came from that conversation other than a fight.
So my text last Sunday afternoon read:
"I've been thinking about your unlimited hours and the fact the farm will need you more soon. I'd like xxxx to start taking the bus Monday and Tuesday and latchkey wed-fri. I can start picking her up from latchkey and Grandma also told me she would assist. I'll double check with Other Grandma and make sure she is good with this too.
I can continue bringing her to school and camp since it is on my way to work.
Think about it and we can discuss later on if you want "
I got no response and confirmed he was passed out when we got home from the banquet about 5:30.
At 6:15pm an alarm went off to wake him up and I got a response text "please stop texting me"
So I went and found him and said when can we set up a time to talk about this?
He started berating me again about how Sunday night was not the time and he was getting ready and to leave him alone and the next time we could talk would be court in April 1st (our scheduled pre-trial hearing. No mention of the actual custodial/temp custody hearing scheduled for the 23rd.)
So I tell him he's being ridiculous and this is basic shit and the fact of the matter is, he has a drinking problem and I don't want him driving her anymore. Despite the arguing and shitty words and him actually saying things like I had "strung her up by her neck yesterday" he actually agreed to the changes.
Monday, a week ago we put the plan into effect. He has Mondays off and I was anticipating something like him showing up to pick her up anyway or some sort of fight. Nope nothing. He was just home and let her take the bus home and his mother greeted her off the bus and brought her down to the house.
Tuesday, same routine and Tuesday I came home to find out he was passed out when she walked in the door at 4:45. He didn't get up until it was basically bed time and then was just distracting her from her homework. That night he starts addressing the "please stop texting response" as him ignoring overly wordy, not to the point texts and how the co-parenting class taught us to only speak about what is necessary. I was like "I fail to see how that text was anything other then to the point."
Wednesday and Thursday I picked her up from his stepmom and Dad's house on my way home and once again nothing. In fact, by Thursday it seemed like he forgot because he was asking her in the am when she said goodbye for school, where she was going after school and did he need to pick her up.
Friday I was asked to work from home as a test for the impending threat of coronavirus, which was fine because I've worked from home a bunch already and then by 1pm I'm learning our state government called school for the next two weeks leading up to spring break. Pending return for April 6th.
Fortunately I've now been given free reign to work from home. When stbx comes home Friday we speak about it and confirm I will go into work on Monday as that is still his day off and that I'll work from home all other days.
Since he works on a farm with all of 3 other people, he is good to keep working his "unlimited hours."
I've now caught you all up to through Saturday where all was "well" between us until I got the distinct impression he was seeing an opportunity to bring me back from my "holiday mental breakdown" which caused this unfortunate divorce he's caught in and supposedly doesn't want. (Lots of previous post history for context.)
Sunday morning, yesterday,I get out of bed and I realize I'm dealing with the UP version of my STBX. He's loud, flamboyant, "fun", and likely going to burn out quick as he's probably not slept and drank most of the night.
I walk out of the bedroom and he immediately comments on my nipples since I didn't put a bra on. I ignore it and go into the kitchen to finish cleaning up the remainder of last night's dinner dishes. I ask our daughter if she fed the dogs and they both answer yes from the living room. I praise the kid and get some snark about "oh yeah, it's not like I had anything to with it," from the supposed adult in the other room.
Next comes the music videos on TV. And they are LOUD. He comes into the kitchen and tries to get me to dance with him. I ask him to please leave me alone. "Oh c'mon, you can't smile?!" And again I say, no, please just leave me be.
Sure enough, he's passing out on the couch by 11am.
Our daughter had a horse lesson scheduled and the barn texted to ask if she wanted to come up early and do some chores and be around some other girls. At this juncture not fully understanding the severity of coronavirus, both husband and I say yes, she should go and get out of the house and participate. So I take her up at 11:15 and leave him to sleep on the couch.
I get home after dropping her and going to the store and he wakes up and says he just had a dream about having sex with me.
Now I'm annoyed.
"Xxxxx, don't fucking start with that shit."
"Well, what? I did "
So I ignore him. He gets pissy and goes back to his room. I assume to sleep more but instead is dressed and walks out of the house in loud silence.
I go about my day. Make food, clean up a winter's worth of dog shit. Spend an hour at the horse barn with the kid, come home, take out trash, fix dinner, take the front garden out, put laundry away and sweep the floors. No STBX.
He doesn't get home until daughter and I are eating supper. He's clearly intoxicated and ornery. He starts talking about how he spent the afternoon checking in on the elders in the community and how the all send their love (to daughter, clearly not me.)
He eats with us for about a minute and then says he's going to lay in the bedroom. He decides to address me now to tell me how everyone is scared and getting ready for lockdown etc. I kind of shrug and he gets all snarky at me and did the arms wide, head cocked, long stare at me and I'm like "yeah, I can do that back to you too. We are eating dinner and watching a movie, just go away."
He does. A few minutes later I get up to clean up the kitchen and prep my lunch for the office today. I hear him talking to himself in the bedroom. Cussing and saying "loud, loud, loud" and "fuck civility" and "let's just be as loud as we can". I realize he's referring to me in the kitchen. This is an age old arguing tool. He's always told me when he needs a needling point that I "stomp through the house" or slam cabinets and we have had so many fights over it. I didn't think I was particularly loud, I was just doing my thing but I decide to get my phone out just in case.
When I walk back in the bedroom to get it, daughter says "do you hear him?". I tell her yes and to just ignore it. I set up my video recorder and go about my business in the kitchen trying to be a little more quiet so hopefully he doesn't freak out.
He comes out of the backroom and addresses daughter about how we are all roommates and need to be respectful and not "bang things" and be aware we all share the same space for now. Except it's much wordier then that and full of loaded comments.
She's like "I didn't do anything."
This leads to him coming out of the room and them having a longer conversation about who he saw today and what is happening in the world and so on and so forth.
I'm now done in the kitchen and sit down in the living room, phone in hand and ready.
The two of them are talking but it's starting to dissolve. I think she recognized what was up and was angry with him. She started to try and challenge him on things. A futile effort regardless of his level of intoxication because he's a spin master and a manipulative piece of shit.
It starts over a headband he had brought home with him and he had said when he came home it came from Grandma's house who isn't feeling well and to clean it off when he first walked in. Now he's telling her to "keep track of her shit". She tells him it's not hers. "Really he says? That's not yours?" She asks where it came from "I'm not telling. It's not yours, you don't want it, give it to me"
"I'll give it to you when you tell me where you got it from"
I chime up, you said it came from Grammy's he is all I did not in anyway and I repeated verbatim back to him what he said when he walked into the door.
So he ignores me and is in a stare-off with an 8 year old girl. When she doesn't give it back, he says "now we are enemies" and starts to walk back to his bedroom.
Naturally she is upset and says no we are not, this really bugs me when you do this.
Next comes the holier then though argument "Have you seen me be enemies with anyone?"
She says yes and he demands an example and she brings up a pretty good one with a verbal altercation he had with a neighbor over them shooting tannerite and making huge explosion noises a few years back.
Course he's spinning it all away as she's saying I saw you almost punch that guy.
This continues to go down hill and he starts subtly attacking me and my mediocrity. He tells her (our last name)s are the best! And she yells at him "I don't want to be the best, nobody is perfect". This opens the door for him to light into me and how I'm "indoctrinating" her.
He starts saying how he knew "someone" who fucked off in school and bla bla bla and daughter starts screaming at him my defense, how I moved a bunch as a kid and etc. Next thing I know he's literally telling his 8 year old daughter he watched his mom (other Grammy) get raped by her boyfriend and his dad be a drug dealer for years. Yup, caught that on video.
Next he comes at me for the video taping and how I'm violating laws and spewing a bunch of legal drunk gibberish and unfortunately he and I get sucked into it and I'm telling him to go to bed, to just stop. But he doesn't and it keeps going and all the sudden daughter is putting on her shoes and coat.
Immediately I stop talking to him and I'm like what are you doing, she's all I'm going to Grammys and I said no, no you aren't.
Well douchebag chimes in, yes she can she can walk there. 1 Grammy is legit in walking distance, but it's getting dark and cold and it's not like I can see her from point a to point b. The other thing, she was actually talking about going to other Grammys house which is actually 5 miles away.
So I get up and grab my keys. "I'll take you, but you aren't walking."
She's so lit up and hurt by all of it at this point she's screaming to be left alone and this mother fucker starts trying to block the front door so I can't get out the house to follow our 8 year old child. I manage to get past him but he also goes outside and tries to keep himself between us.
I keep saying "I know you are upset and angry and want to leave. I'll take you wherever you want to go, but please get in the car. ". She goes in the garage and he tries to block me from going in, I put my arm through his blockade and hit the door opener and am walking around the front and he goes "she's running from you."
And I keep ignoring him and pleading with her, please just get in the car, I will take you wherever you need, you can not go walking right now. Finally she conceeds and gets in the car with him shouting all the way "don't let your mother control you!"
We start driving and she is lit the fuck up angry and keeps saying it's her fault for asking him questions. I keep trying to tell her no, but at this stage of the game my solace isn't helping.
I finally pull over and get in the backseat with her. Still going round and round she's not to he reasoned with and I tell her, I'll take you down to Grammy and Poppy's but they both have to work tomorrow and so you'll have to come home, also Grammy isn't feeling well.
"Why couldn't you just leave me alone?!"
"Baby girl, if you had stormed into your room and demanded to be left alone, I would have, but I can not in good conscience let you walk down the road at night"
We agree she just wants to go home to he left alone in her room.
I agree but say we are going to take a few more minutes to drive around and let things calm down at home.
She asks to play a song on my phone and chooses Halsey: You Should Be Sad. We put it on the car stereo and I let her get in the front seat and we take the long way home to the house listening to some chick tunes and she finally calms down and is not lashing out at me anymore.
We are both freaked out when we get back to the house but sure enough he's passed out. We are starting the bedtime routine and she starts complaining about her stomach hurting. I tell her everything we just went through is cause for that. Then I offer for her to sleep with me in my bedroom. She asks alot and I usually don't allow it except every once in a great while.
Good thing, about an hour and a half later she started vomiting. It was a long night. But it gave me a real reason to call in sick to work today so I wasn't leaving her in his care all day.
She got up in the morning to tell him she was ill and I was staying home with her. He apparently was cold and indifferent. She said "he didn't seem to care" later in the day when we talked about it a bit.
Her and I have spent the entire day in my bed. We have watched the animated spy movie with Will Smith, Descendants 1 and 2 and Detective Pikachu.
I've rubbed her back while she puked, lit her favorite candle when the diharea stunk up the bathroom, fetched her gingerale and held the water bottle for her when she was too weak to take drinks from it herself.
He cooked low mein from a can and tried to offer it to us. Haven't really seen much else from him all day. Except that he left earlier and came back to report the liquor stores might be closing due to the virus and there could be a "run on adult provisions."
The court emailed us today to say that we can participate remotely through Zoom if we want to and to respond before Monday if that's the plan. As of right now that's an election, not a mandate.
It's my plan to request a psych and custody eval at this hearing on Monday. We don't have the best internet here so I responded as long as it's an option I plan to show up in person. I can't really see sitting side by side with him at our desktop computer making that request. Plus, I'm not sure he realizes we have back to back court dates on the 23rd and again on the 1st.
I'm praying coronavirus doesn't get so out of hand that we are forced to participate online. If that's the case I think I'll go to my in-laws and use their internet with my laptop and see if he manages to figure it out at home.
Anyway, thoughts and positive vibes welcomed. Trying to survive living in this house is bad any day, I wasn't prepared for an apocalypse where I'm forced to die alongside this piece of shit.
TLDR:. Coronavirus putting a damper on much needed upcoming custody hearings in our divorce. My husband is a nasty, narcassist drunk who I have yet to figure out a way to get out of my house. I really hope we can keep the divorce moving through this scary time because living with him is quite frankly a disease into itself
Double edit. When he left this morning, I checked his stash spot, 2 empty fifth bottles. Before I could send this he left again and I checked again and two multiplied to three. Fuck me.
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2018.08.28 14:25 jaberchet Stepmom caught me spying
My mom died when I was 16 and two years later my dad got remarried to a woman 10 years older than him. I was surprised as it happened very suddenly while my dad was away on a business trip. He met Veronica on that trip and came home with a new wife. Guess things happen that way in Las Vegas.
Without warning my dad showed up home from his trip with his new wife and they found me jacking off in the living room while watching porn. The irony of the situation was I was watching a young stud fucking a woman old enough to be his granny. I switched off the TV and beat a hasty retreat to my room.
Later that evening I worked up the courage to emerge from my room to find my dad and his new bride at the dining room table eating carry out Mexican. I'm sure I was blushing when I entered the room. My dad jumped up and said, "Leroy I want you to meet your new stepmom, Veronica."
I was stunned beyond belief and my jaw dropped. At no time in the last two years had my dad seen a woman, dated a woman or even talked about a woman. I assumed after my mom had died he had lost interest. The subject just never came up.
Veronica spoke first saying, "Leroy I'm glad to meet you, your dad has told me so much about you."
I stammered, "Funny he has not even mentioned you before."
Dad spoke up and said, "I know this is sudden, but I met Veronica on my trip and we hit it off immediately, and both being widowed, we found a natural bond."
The rest of the evening was spent making small talk with me saying little. I was still in a state of shock. Nothing was said about the circumstances or events when they walked in on me earlier.
Later that evening while I lie in my bed slowly stroking my cock, I had not cum earlier and I needed relief, I could hear the faint sounds of my dad and his bride fucking. I was shocked at first and then realized that was natural for newlyweds. I could hear the clear sounds of Veronica moaning and saying, "Oh yes Paul fuck me." I tried to blank out the sounds and lost my erection. I turned over and went to sleep.
I must have needed sleep because I woke up after 9:00 AM, which was late for me. I got up and walked into the kitchen in nothing but my boxers having forgotten there was a new woman in the house. I was shocked to see Veronica there with her back to me. Apparently she did not hear me come in. I started to turn and leave when she suddenly said, "Oh good morning Leroy you slept late and your dad has already gone."
I turned to face her and saw her gaze drop to my groin and I realized I was sporting morning wood as my boxers tented out. I quickly turned away and rushed back to my room.
I dropped to my bed and my hand went instinctively to my cock and I felt a fully erect cock that had not experienced relief for two days. I began a fast and furious jacking off and quickly felt cum boiling up from my balls. A sudden eruption began with cum shooting up at my chest and face. I felt the warm cum hit my chest and a few drops hit my upper lip. The orgasm that gripped me was one of the best I have experienced. I heard someone say, "Wow that was quite a picture and all of that cum."
I looked up and saw Veronica smiling down at me. I yelled, "What the fuck, what are you doing in here?"
Continuing to smile Veronica approached and reached out with her hand and brushed cum from my lip. I was shocked to see her place her finger in her mouth and licked off the remaining cum residue. I started to get up but she pushed me back down and lowered her head to my still stiff cock. She sucked my cock into her mouth and proceeded to clean off all remaining cum. I was literally in a state of shock. How many times had I tried to get my girlfriend Lori to suck me, only to be rebuffed, and here was my brand new stepmom with my cock in her mouth.
After thoroughly cleaning my cock, she abruptly got up and left without saying a word. I thought did this really happen or am I dreaming? But I knew I was not.
I did not leave my room for the rest of the day. I frankly did not know what to do. In the evening I could hear my Dad and Veronica talking followed by a soft knock on my door. I asked, "Who is there?"
I heard my dad say, "Leroy are you all right? Veronica tells me you have not left your room all day."
"I'm okay," I said.
"Good then come to dinner," My dad said.
I replied, "Be there shortly dad."
When I entered the dining room, I could smell my favorite dinner, roast beef and sweet potato fries with a crisp green salad. Dad was sitting at the table with Veronica standing behind him wearing a big grin.
Dad said, "Veronica wanted to surprise you with your favorite meal, now sit down and enjoy." I sat down followed by Veronica. With dad sitting at the head of the table, Veronica sat down next to me.
I was reluctant, but finally worked up the courage to ask Dad, "How long have you known each other?"
His response was surprising, "We met in Vegas last week and it was love at first sight. I have been longing for companionship for quite some time and when I met Veronica, I was smitten."
My thoughts were, yeah right, some cocksucking whorish companionship, but I did not say anything.
Dad continued saying. "I love Veronica very much and I'm sure when you get to know her, you will love her also."
I had to admit the food looked very appetizing and I began digging in, when I felt a foot touch mine. I was a bit taken back, but continued to eat acting as if nothing was happening. The foot began rubbing my lower leg and was followed by a hand in my lap. I couldn't help it but my cock began to swell. As my cock continued to grow, the hand began to slowly rub my cock. Damn what was happening? I looked up and saw my dad enjoying his meal with a contented look on his face. All the while Veronica continued to rub my leg and cock. Without warning my cock erupted in my pants and I shuddered hoping my dad would not notice.
I looked at Veronica and she had the most wicked smile on her face, as she said, "Paul I think Leroy and I will be great friends." Little did I understand the significance of her remark.
After dinner I retreated to my room, but soon my dad came to my door and ask me to join him and Veronica in the family room. When I arrived in the family room, I was surprised to see that Veronica was not there.
I blurted out, "Dad why did you marry her? How could you after only knowing her for only a few days?"
He responded that he had been extremely lonely and that Veronica took that lonely feeling from him. For the first time he mentioned that although she was 10 years older, he felt an immediate connection. My dad is 26 years older than me so that would make Veronica at least 36 years older than me almost enough to be my grandmother. My thoughts were that she had fucked his brains out and that he was merely thinking with his dick when he married her. I asked dad if it had been a lack of sex that had driven him to marry a woman he hardly knew. He admitted that sex with her had been exquisite, but was not the reason he married her. He said it was the lack of companionship and loneliness and she fixed those issues, plus he liked her.
With that Veronica entered the room and said she was so glad that we had the opportunity to talk and air any issues that had arisen as a result of the quick marriage and my shock at finding my dad had married to a woman that I did not know. She talked so smoothly I realized my dad had married a charmer, but did he know she was a sexual predator. A predator that had sucked his son's cock and rubbed it to orgasm during dinner. I thought not.
Dad and Veronica carried most of the conversation and I listened and nodded. When dad felt I was mollified, he dropped a bomb. He had just been informed that he had to make an emergency business trip to visit a key client of his company. I asked if Veronica would be going with him and he said no it was not possible. He then added it would be a chance for Veronica and I to get to know each other better. Veronica readily agreed. He said he would be leaving very early in the morning as he had an early flight. With that I made my excuses and went to my room.
The next morning I awoke with the wet feeling of a mouth on my cock. I opened my eyes and saw Veronica bobbing up and down on my cock, which was throbbing in her hot mouth. Then for the first time in my life I knew what it was like to be deep throated as my hot cum spurted into her mouth and throat. She continued to suck the last remaining drops of cum from my now deflating cock. My new stepmother was a superb cocksucker.
She stood up and removed her nightgown displaying a slightly over weight body with huge sagging tits. As my gaze moved downward I spied a totally shaved bald pussy with huge lips with a protruding clitoris. I had never seen a clit sticking out of a cunt before. I was starring when she moved her hot cunt up over my head and started lowering it toward my mouth.
"Suck," she said.
Without a second thought I stuck my tongue in her pussy lips as her large clit entered my mouth. I instinctively sucked it into my mouth like a small cock. As I continued to suck and lick I heard her moan and then get very vocal and loud. I don't know how long I worked her cunt with my tongue and mouth till she shuddered and came hard with her juices flowing on my tongue and then on my face. She fell over in the bed continuing to shake from her orgasm.
I jumped out of bed and ran to the shower and turn on the water to hot. I was just starting to feel the effects of the hot water when Veronica entered the shower stall.
She said, "Do you know that you have not fucked me yet?"
Here was my Dad's new wife of less than a week naked in a shower with me. She had just sucked me off and I had eaten her pussy to climax and my head was swirling as she grabbed my cock and began stroking it.
She said, "I want this bad boy in my pussy and I want it quick."
She then reached with her spare hand and grabbed me around the neck pulling my head down to hers and started kissing me forcing her tongue into my mouth. As she French kissed me, I could feel my cock growing once again as she continued to stroke me.
Pulling me closer to her she directed my now hard cock to the entrance to her pussy and said, "Now fuck me."
I thrust forward and upward and could feel my cock sliding through the big lips of her pussy as I entered her fuck channel. She was tight but very well lubricated from her recent orgasm and I began fucking back and forth in her pussy until I was balls to the wall deep. I stopped momentarily and held my cock deep in her pussy and then began a steady fucking motion. I began to pick up the pace as Veronica began fucking back till we reached a furious pace. She had gotten very vocal and loud, just like when I first heard my dad fucking her.
She said in a very loud voice, "Oh yes, I have wanted your big cock ever since your dad and I caught you jacking off."
I surprised myself by saying, "Well now you have it, you fucking whore."
God I hated this woman all the while I was fucking her.
She screamed, "I'm cumming," and that tipped me over the edge and I blew my load deep in her cunt.
I held my cock deep in her pussy and was thinking what happens next. What happens till my dad comes home and what happens after he comes home.
As I relaxed I could feel my deflated cock slipping from her pussy. I moved away from her, and she said, "Now that is what I call a good fuck."
I quickly cleaned my cock and balls, turned off the water and got out of the shower and made a dash for my bedroom.
All night I twisted and turned trying to sleep as my mind tried to figure out what had happened to me these last two days. Finally near morning I fell fast asleep.
I slept till almost 10:00 AM and when I woke, the realization of what had occurred in the two past days came rushing back. The mere thought of it made me shake and shudder. Although I had the best sex of my limited experience, I was mortified by the thought it was with my dad's new bride and my stepmother. What was going to happen next? What was going to happen when dad comes home? What was going to happen till he comes home? Little did I know.
DM for her pictures
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2018.05.07 01:12 HiIAMCaptainObvious Stepmom caught me spying
|submitted by HiIAMCaptainObvious to BitcoinAll [link] [comments]|
2017.03.30 15:41 9000sins Tucker, please cover this! The Awan Brothers - Compromised at least 80 congregational computers and got paid 5 million to do it. We may never know the extent of the breach. (x-post from /r/conspiracy)
Plot thickens in probe of House IT contractors
The Awan Brothers
3 Awan brothers are named by Webb : Imran, Jamal and Abid. (A 4th brother and wife of one of the Awan's are also believed to be involved). Originally installed in congressional positions by Greg Meeks who is widely regarded as the most corrupt member of congress.
I will preface this discussion by stating you will find some variation in the numbers cited. I believe that is because I quoted from stories as the case was developing. The Daily Caller was the primary source for most of the news on the net. I tried to be as accurate as possible with the facts quoting the sources I found. I am posting this because I want answers, it is not a definitive work. I do, however, believe the breach is every bit as consequential as the hillary email server and the CIA Wikileak.
Why isn’t the MSM interested in the Awan Brothers: the three IT specialists fired for rooting through House Democrats’ sensitive files?
Who are the Awan IT Staff that hacked House Intelligence Computers? And Why Won’t the Media cover this Evidence-based Story?
I know a bunch of shills will tear me up screaming, "ya got no proof," but indulge me in a conspiracy theory. I think the greatest disservice the MSM had managed to perpetuate is the fallacy that other than the obvious connection of all these people there is otherwise no connection between these events.
Let's assume for the moment that the items described here are patterns of political belief and criminal activity. They aren't individual acts, but on going criminal conspiracies. Let's not look at this as an isolated event. While I'm detailing the actions of the Awan brothers. I believe, but can not prove, those action may have been perpetuated in concert with other individuals at work in the under belly of the government. It's almost as if disparate groups come in contact occasionally when their objectives overlap. As I stated, I have no proof of this, but it stands to reason the flood of cyber attacks and leaks may have overlapped through the individuals linked in the different events. For example, Debbie Wasserman Schultz was an integral player in the DNC Hacks and also introduced the Awan brothers to Congress. Is there a connection? Maybe, maybe not. It is not that far fetched, this has happened before, see the Silverman group. Silverman associated with the CPUSA and knew Jarrett’s father, Dr. James Bowman and through three degrees of separation used by the NSA is directly connected to Valerie Jerrett. If it is good enough for the IC to open an inquiry why can't we indulge in some similar speculation.
• The First anomalous fact is the Media. Why have they largely ignored the issue. Before you cyber trolls jump on me, I would like you to consider two facts. Congress deals with very sensitive and classified material all the time. The Awan brothers could never have had a secret clearance for any other group than Congress. There is no news story there?
• The Second error is the "smoking gun." The evidence is always covered up with a coincidence, a cover story if you will. While I believe the politicos in D.C. are pampered rubes, they do have a good support staff, and some have been trained to support clandestine operations. The rest have been hammered with political optics for the entirety of their career in D.C.. They are all trained to control optics and the dissemination of the truth.
• The Third fallacy is the "bad guy." Why does everyone think an on going criminal conspiracy can be distilled down to a single criminal committing a crime rather than a pattern of criminal behavior with one or more groups profiting off the criminal activities. It is best to think of their actions like organized crime and should be prosecuted like a RICO case. An on going criminal enterprise by an organized group or groups of conspirators. The Media
Why hasn't the media made this the top news story to at least go along with the Russian hack. Let's face it, the media doesn't care about the damage to the country, they only care about their partisan agenda. If they didn't they would cover stories damaging to the DNC.
With a $600,000,000 CIA contract you would think the Washington Post could afford an investigative journalist or two. Perhaps CNN will take up an interest as this rabbit hole runs deep and wide. Don't hold your breath.
Snowflakes and "journalists" can call Trump a fascist, but there is nothing connecting an enormous breach of the United States Security Apparatus by as many as 80 Democrat members of Congress (past and present). We rail on about the Russians and Trump without specific allegations backed up with evidence, but the media avoids providing nightly updates about these 5 spies that have compromised congress. The answer is simple, the Awan Brothers are Muslim and the "victims"/dupes are Dems. Dupes who in fact abused their position of responsibility to end up being compromised by their own "trusted" staff. Several of the Congressmen involved in the breach have gone so far as to blame the allegations on Islamophobia.
Meeks said he was hesitant to believe the accusations against Alvi, Imran Awan and the three other staffers, saying their background as Muslim Americans, some with ties to Pakistan, could make them easy targets for false charges.
This story damages the narrative that Muslims are benevolent members of the government and Dems care about the country. It really shows the depth of the progressive aims to "fundamentally transforming the United States of America.
This is where the conspiracy theory comes in. Give me a little latitude to connect the dots, and let's see where this trail goes... An Alleged Muslim Spy Ring - Is This Why Rex Tillerson Cleaned House?
The mainstream media seemed far more interested in obfuscating the details regarding the Tillerson terminations than they were in covering what could be one of the most dangerous intelligence leaks in years, of which there has been but a peep out of any major news outlet. Captain Joseph R. John (Navy-Ret.) has stated that he believes the Muslim Brotherhood “fifth column” has “infiltrated U.S. Government,” and if he is correct, the Awan brothers could very well be a part of this infiltration.
The media is 90% Democrat and I would argue that in recent years the mainline Dems have gone hard left, almost Marxist. They have an almost suicidal pact with Islamists. Where does this scandal connect with Middle Eastern Islamists?
One might well look at the set of circumstances laid out above and see in it a scandal that would make Watergate look like a petty break-in. One might then scratch his or her head and wonder — why on earth would the New York Times or the Washington Post, which incidentally just hired John Podesta (speaking of horrendous cybersecurity!) as a columnist, have virtually no interest in the Awans at all?
Do Carlos Slim and Jeff Bezos, one might ask, really believe they can’t sell papers with such a story to tell?
The Smoking Gun
EXCLUSIVE: House Intelligence, Foreign Affairs Committee Members Compromised By Rogue IT Staff
Fox News is told the employees made “unauthorized access” to the House computer system.
Further, there were instances where House information was discovered in an external “cloud” server. The contractors in question reportedly were sending and storing House-related information in that off-site server.
“That violates House rules and it puts the House at risk,” a source familiar with the investigation said.
It is unclear whether the access issues exposed the House’s networks to potential hackers or spying efforts by unfriendly nations or terrorist groups, at a time when Washington is on high alert for such cyber-activity.
Actually the last statement has been refuted. It has been alleged that Imran Awan had achieved a privilege escalation through Social Engineering. Essentially Imran through the political clout of the Congressional leaders he worked for managed to convinced the Capitol Hill IT staff to escalate the Awans to super user privileges to work on the "Congressional Machines" in violation of accepted practices on the network. One device in particular was the Wasserman iPad compromised in the DNC Leak. It has been also alleged they may have had Podesta's password. Since the Dems approved the privilege escalation it is now forensically difficult to determine if the Russians leaked the emails or the "enormously trustworthy and drunken" Awan brothers sold access to the DNC servers.
House Hacking Suspects Could Read Every Email Dozens Of Congressmen Sent And Received
Imran Awan bullied central IT to bend the rules for him so there wouldn’t be a paper trail about the unusually high permissions he was requesting. And their actions were not logged, so members have no way of knowing what information they may have taken, the central IT employee said.
After obtaining access to the Capitol server system, the Awan brothers could control all aspects of a congressman system. They sold and configured the hardware setting permissions and remote access to maintain the devices remotely. Essentially the keys to the kingdom. Through congressional requests they managed to completely compromise the network. They could read email, transfer files, install applications (i.e. key loggers). The latter reports that the systems and network were completely compromised. Beyond that, Imran had bypassed IT key loggers and reporting systems by gaining remote access directly to congressional computers.
House Hacking Suspects Could Read Every Email Dozens Of Congressmen Sent And Received
The central IT staffer said any suggestion that the brothers’ access didn’t span the full gamut of congressional intrigue was silly because they were the ones giving out permissions.
The problem is that once they bypassed internal security there was no logging of their actions. House authorities set their sights on the possibility that a remote server had been used to transfer files off of Congressional members computers. The investigation revealed that Imran had been stealing money, equipment, and over charging for services. In total for almost 10 years and almost 80 Democrat members of Congress were compromised.
This is where things go hinkey. Rather than turning the case over to the FBI the case is turned over to U.S.C. Police. They are investigating the theft, not the data breach.
Let's state that again... The USCP are investigation the theft of Equipment not the Loss Of Congressional Data.
Congressional IT Staff Under Investigation In Alleged Procurement Scam
“At the request of Members of Congress, the United States Capitol Police are investigating the actions of House IT support staff,” Malecki said in a statement. "No Members are being investigated. No arrests have been made. It should be noted that, administratively, House staff were asked to update their security settings as a best practice. We have no further comment on the ongoing investigation at this time."
The Bad Guy Two of the brothers, Imran and Jamal, have been linked to an emerging security breach
The Awan brothers managed to get access to the Dems committee computers by just asking for the passwords. In addition the Awan brothers sold the congress outrageously priced equipment and broke into members of Congress' offices to steal equipment and or data.
House staffers under criminal investigation for alleged equipment theft
Five House employees are under criminal investigation amid allegations that they stole equipment from more than 20 member offices and accessed House IT systems without lawmakers' knowledge.
More than 20 members were victimized by the alleged procurement scam and chiefs of staff for the lawmakers were briefed on the matter Thursday.
The former staffer said “Jamal was always there,” but Imran would only work “odd hours.”
And who is investigating this fiasco?
Where is the FBI and why have they left it to the DC police? Is it a "limited hangout" they hope to bury by the promoting the administration's ties to Boris and Natasha?
D.C. Metro police have been brought into the investigation rather than the F.B.I at the request of the Congressional members involved with the Awan Brothers.
A source in the briefing said the Sergeant-at-Arms confirmed the U.S. Capitol Police is conducting an active criminal investigation but said no arrests have been made. The source said the FBI is not involved in the investigation.
"At the request of members of Congress, the United States Capitol Police are investigating the actions of House IT support staff. No members are being investigated. No arrests have been made.
Why aren't the FBI involved? I can only speculate, but it would mean that a FBI forensic team would have to comb through all of those congressional computers to determine the extent of the security compromise and data lost. The Dems just didn't seem up for the inconvenience of allowing the FBI investigation to go forward.
The Awan Brothers had the keys to the kingdom. Physical security is paramount to cyber security. If a hacker has Physical access to a machine they own it. It is the simplest hack to conduct. The Anwar Bros had Debbie Wasserman Schultz's machine, along with Schultz, at least 80 other Dems also hired the Awan Brothers to provide IT support at significantly higher rates than normal IT support.
Jamal, who public records suggest is only 22 years old and first began working in the House when he was 20, was paid nearly $160,000 a year, or three times the average House IT staff salary, according to InsideGov, which tracks congressional salaries. Abid was paid $161,000 and Imran $165,000.
Democrats evidently paid the Awan brothers over $4 MILLION dollars.
Despite the fact that these individuals, reportedly heavily in debt, would have failed security clearances they were able to receive top salary from Dems including members of the intelligence panel and members of the House Committee on Foreign Affairs were among the dozens of members who employed the suspects on a shared basis. The two committees deal with many of the nation’s most sensitive issues, information and documents, including those related to the war on terrorism.
Where's The Evidence? Hillary's Henchmen and the Awan Brothers Hack vs. MSM and Pelosi's Russia, Russia, Russia Meme
Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, who was shamed for the Democratic National Committee conspiracy against Bernie Sanders, recommended the Awan Brothers for their positions and Representative Jackie Speier asked for their TOP SECRET CLEARANCE.
Whatever Happened with the Awan Brothers?
frontpagemag | Last year, eight members of the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence issued a demand that their staffers be granted access to top secret classified information.
The signatories to the letter were Andre Carson, Luis Guiterez, Jim Himes, Terri Sewell, Jackie Speier, Mike Quigley, Eric Swalwell and Patrick Murphy. All the signatories were Democrats. Some had a history of attempting to undermine national security.
Beyond the debt, the brothers seemed to have, they had convictions for felony traffic offenses including DUI. Any one of these issues are enough to prevent or revoke a security clearance for normal folks. I guess things just work differently on Capitol Hill. The American military or college grads are denied clearances due similar issues in their record, but not these Pakistani brothers. Any one of these offenses would have caused me to fail my FBI background check at work, but congress can admit anybody. Do you see a problem here? Valerie Jarrett and Huma Abedin are perfect examples of the double standard in the government / Congress. Staffers of any background history can get clearances, but Dems seem to be able to prevent Trump's staff from getting clearance. What is going on here?
Multiple small businesses and individuals went unpaid as a result of the 2012 bankruptcy. Abid also had an unpaid line of credit of $10,000 with the congressional credit union at the time of bankruptcy.
Abid’s record includes numerous driving- and alcohol-related legal problems, including driving with a suspended or revoked license, court records show. He was found guilty of drunk driving a month before he started at the House, and was arrested for public intoxication a month after his first day.
with possibly opposing goals. A felon normally commits the felony tens of times, maybe hundreds of times before they get caught. How many times does a Coke head commit a felony buying coke before they get caught? If they ever get caught, how many years do they get away with the crimes before they draw the attention of the authorities. The FBI, Congress, whatever never find the full scope of criminal activity. They may just get enough evidence to convict of a crime, but they never convict for all the crimes committed.
What is really becoming obvious is the Democrats have irresponsibly opened our congressional security oversight to Middle Eastern Factions. These 5 are just one group that were exposed. Hillary had Huma, Obama had Vallery. A sharia practicing terrorist that believes in female circumcision leading a woman's March to equality in the 21st century. There are so many examples that one has to be purposefully obtuse to ignore the contradictions.
While the nay sayers claim you can not connect the dots it is obvious that the dots were there for all to see and could have been connected. I would say that the deviation from standard security practices was intentional, but Podesta's password was password123 or some such nonsense. Who knows, our leaders may really be that incompetent. They haven't even made it to the minimum expectations to be employed in corporate America.
I really don't know what to make of two very different groups with nothing but vaguely similar beliefs in Marxist ideals working together. Many of the thoughts I have on the subject are almost too extreme to believe, but the evidence is almost unavoidable. None of it makes sense unless someone is lying about their objectives. A Continuing DCNF Investigative Group Series
House Intelligence, Foreign Affairs Committee Members Compromised By Rogue IT Staff
Brothers Had Massive Debts, Years Of Suspicious Activity
Secretly Took $100K In Iraqi Money
Owed Money To Hezbollah-Connected Fugitive
Received $4 Million From Dem Reps
Allegedly Kept Stepmom In 'Captivity' To Access Offshore Cash
Also Had Access To DNC Emails
Could Read Every Email Dozens Of Congressmen Sent And Received Capitol Police ill-equipped to investigate data theft
House Democrats fire two IT staffers amid criminal investigation By HEATHER CAYGLE 03/01/17 01:21 PM EST
Two House Democrats this week fired technology staffers linked to an ongoing criminal investigation, more than a month after the couple in question was barred from House computer networks.
Rep. Gregory Meeks (D-N.Y.) confirmed to Politico that Hina Alvi’s last day as an IT support staffer in his office was Tuesday. Her husband, Imran Awan, was working for Rep. Marcia Fudge (D-Ohio) as of Tuesday evening, but a spokeswoman for Fudge said midday Wednesday that Awan was no longer an employee.
Employee of Corruption Magnet Debbie Wasserman Schultz Under Criminal Investigation The Democratic Party is no stranger to criminal investigations
CORRECTION February 2, 2017, at 9:13 p.m.
This post has been updated and corrected with new information from US Capitol Police, which said no arrests have been made but there is an active investigation ongoing into IT staff who were involved in an alleged procurement scam. A lawmaker briefed on the situation had told BuzzFeed News that arrests were made. The Awan Brothers - Compromised at least 80 congressional computers and got paid 5 million to do it. We may never know the extent of the breach PART 2
Starts to tell what really happened and how big the problem is...
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2017.03.15 23:42 911bodysnatchers322 Stepmom caught me spying
2015.02.25 17:40 mypumassmellfunky Stepmom caught me spying
I don't know if I'm dreaming. I do however know my stepmother keeps engaging with this sketchy crack dealer at the flea market. He definitely wants to fuck her in the ass. I think she knows that too. My father seems oblivious. He's too busy chewing the fat with the comic book dealer.
He keeps lamenting the fact he had a great idea for a comic book in the '70s but somebody stole it out from under him. What he never realized was ideas are a fucking dime a dozen, just like all the worthless shit these weirdoes at the flea market are haggling over like it was fucking manna from the land of make-believe.
I'm only fifteen. I get dragged along with my father and stepmother every other weekend to stupid shit like flea markets, used book stores, antique shops, film festivals, Russian tea rooms and everything else that sucks male appendages; not in and of itself mind you, but solely because it is irreparably tainted by the company I am forced to keep by authority of the family court and my quasi-prostitute of a religious fanatic mamasan.
The big black crack dealer smelling my stepmother's mating scent is attempting to con gibberish into masquerading as small talk. He not so subtly gestures across the school yard cum Arabian bazaar to his confederate in the crack game. Yeah, I'm pretty sure the two of them want to lure BettyJo into a God forsaken alley and gang rape the wax out of her ears. I'm even more sure she'll get knocked up and pretend the baby is my father's.
When my father learns of the baby bump he's guaran-fucking-teed to be on cloud nine. He'll tell me how great it is and how he hopes it will be a little girl so as to make the family complete. I'm wondering how the fuck he'll rationalize it when BettyJo squeezes out a litter of African-American Siamese twin triplets.
It'll be the fucking Brady Bunch for the New World Order. I'm wondering what I'm gonna tell the six of them when they're old enough to question why they don't resemble their much older half-brother in the slightest.
I figure I'll just pass 'em the joint of the chronic I'll prolly be fumigating in abject defeat at my life in general. That'll probably poison my whole outlook on humanity. I may even turn to the dark arts. I wouldn't be surprised if I end up in the rarefied climes of Tibet hunting down esoteric knowledge that would empower me to smite my enemies and frienemies alike. Is there really a fucking diff and if so does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care?
Fade to crackhead #1:
By this time he's whispering depraved crackhead saccharine sweet nothings in BettyJo's waxy inner ear. She's all fucking constipated shits and giggles and as fate would have it the Metamucil's just out of range.
I try to observe discreetly from the vantage point of a beaten down Staples folding table. The table boasts row upon row of cheap sunglasses and a plethora of rusty wind-up toys recently unearthed from some postal worker gone ballistic's cobweb strewn attic. I'm surveying the smorgasbord of apocalyptic premonition from behind a pair of heart shaped, rose tinted shades, but shit tinted any color is still just that; fucking shit. And it all smells funky as my dilapidated size 12 Pumas.
The crack dealer is jerking his head to the corner of the school yard where all the trucks and vans are parked. BettyJo's shifty eyes are evaluating her chances of sneaking off unnoticed. Yeah. She's thinking about the depravity. Never mind all she talks about is the never ending sanctity of the Pope and Ronald Reagan.
Never mind she's a self-satisfied know-it-all know nothing. Never mind she tells me my room is the fucking guest room because a boy should live with his mother. Even if she beats him daily and throws butcher knives at him when he won't go procure her morning coffee fix with food stamps.
Yeah, BettyJo looks right at me. But my rose colored heart shaped sunglasses disguise the boy all too well. Herman's too busy lamenting to the comic dealer how he coulda been a contender were it not for the family curse and Richard Nixon. But me. Yeah. I know what the fuck is going down.
The crack head's crony is moving through the throngs of artsy hipster douche bags on his rendezvous with his boy and BettyJo's anus. They'll probably film it on their smartphone and it'll probably go viral.
"Hey Danny! Was that your stepmom, BettyJo blowing two crackhead crack dealers at the flea market Sunday morning? It was right? Can I come over to your house sometime and get my ashes hauled?"
Fucking fate of the free fucking world probably hangs in the balance. Fucking butterfly effect is somehow tied to BettyJo's hypocritical sphincter and those two crackhead joes.
Probably go down like this:
BettyJo does 'em both and becomes simultaneously knocked up and infested with Ecuadorian crabs. So she goes to confession and tells the priest about the killer bargain she scored at the flea market in excruciating detail.
Now unbeknownst to her the priest is a sex fiend and starts wankin' it on the other side of the confessional. Unfortunately for the sex fiend priest he has both clogged arteries and a heart defect. So of course he catches a heart attack of the fatal variety.
BettyJo, so absorbed in her own shit, doesn't realize the priest is a stiffening stiff and just keeps up her relentless onslaught of jibber jabber.
Meanwhile, waiting patiently for the past hour to both confess and seek holy counsel is a young man named Viggo Spaggio, who has been beaten daily since the age of four by his alcoholic stepfather, Earl. Viggo also worries he might be gay and this cognitive dissonance deeply disturbs his devout Catholic sensibilities. In short, the guy's a mess.
Viggo has also been fantasizing about taking out his aggressions on the entire school body at his local parochial high school where he reluctantly receives wedgies on a daily basis from the jocks. These wedgies have interfered with his bowel movements as of late rendering his ass a bloody mess as a direct result.
People have begun to detect a strange odor that no amount of Axe body wash can conceal thus making Viggo a de facto pariah. So now he is a hair's breadth away from taking out his fellow students with some heavy ordinance recently procured on Silk Road 2.6.3 and delivered to his ramshackle house by the very same Postal worker who soon thereafter went ballistic himself.
That's the one whose rusty wind-up toy collection is at the self-same flea market where all this convoluted shit catalyzed thanks to none other than god damned BettyJo fuckface.
Now, because of my narcissistic stepmother causing the priest to expire with his rigor mortified dick in his wart covered hands the young, possibly gay, but definitely abused, beaten and bullied man has no kind soul to talk him down from the metaphorical ledge and thus goes on to cross the Rubicon.
He wipes out a bunch of wedgie terrorist jocks and innocents in the process before finally ventilating his tortured cranial cavity which of course results in his rampage making the six o'clock news and the usual viral tizz of social media consisting of bad puns, dubious moral outrage and general vitriol from a rapidly desensitized populace.
Unfortunately, this wholly avoidable pathos included the one innocent who could have saved mankind. The one innocent who never done Viggo no wrong, no how, no way; even when said messiah's proboscis was being tortured by the wedgie fumes. This aborted messiah had a name and that name was Ignacio Montoya Schwartz. Ignacio was the one guy who was gonna grow up to be President of these United States and thereby stop global warming, parental labeling and the onslaught of the Police State before it was too late.
As a result of this unspeakable yet unknown loss the country proceeds on its current path ending up 104.5% fascist. Checks and balances are flushed down the crapper for good along with the full faith and credit of our multi-trillion dollar deficit treasury ushering in a world wide depression and third world war. In short, Western Civilization ironically ends up smelling like Viggo's tush.
And now what? I'll tell you what. All across the big blue marble little babies are fucking glowing in the dark from the radiation and their furry pet cats who woulda, under normal circumstances, been on the front page of reddit or some shit, instead eat the little fuckers cause Purina done fucking gone under with the rest of Western Civ.
Why? Cuz fucking BettyJo's a two-timing prima-slutski; that's why! And because I saw it all coming from behind purloined rose colored glasses and didn't do jack shit on a buttermilk biscuit but say, "Hey! She ain't my wife! If my burnout Dad can't keep his shit together it ain't none of my bee's wax."
So what would you do in my stinky pumas?
Fade to crackhead #1:
Yeppers. Shifty crackhead motherfucker is ushering BettyJo to the ad hoc truck stop. He's gonna fucking destroy all the fucking babies thirty years from now. That'll really fuck up my mid-life crisis. I'll be looking to get a new young asian wife to salvage my shriveled ego and dick after a miserable first marriage but I'll never get the chance cause BettyJo fucked it up.
Well, maybe on any other day that shit would be palatable but if the lunch lady wants to serve Sloppy Joe's to the troops she better be eating the first, second and third helpings.
I spy a Samurai katana peeking out of a box under a table full of Japanese martial arts paraphernalia. Whaddya know? It's on my way to the truck stop/porn shoot. I'm shivering even though we're in the middle of a global warming heat wave. Abnormal is the new normal. Least ways that's what the weather man said.
I push an old man with a cane into a fat lady and they have words. I bend down to tie my Birkenstocks and grab the sword. The fat lady grabs the old man's cane and menaces him with it.
I take off at a friendly jog singing Sinatra's Summer Wind and closing the gap. I chance to look up. I spy one of the concrete gargoyles adorning the old public school. It's definitely snarling with nut rage. It seems directed at yours truly.
"Hey, kid!" the gargoyle snarls. "Mind yer fuckin' business and let nature take its course."
Undeterred I shout back, "Fuck you gargoyle and your mother!"
"Maybe I'll fuck your mother," the gargoyle threatens.
"Come down here and say that!" I reply and continue on my not so merry way.
I make it to the trucks and instantly smell the crack vapors wafting along a hot air current. It's that unmistakable smell. Smells like. I dunno. Victory.
I round the corner of a big Hertz and sure enough, there's BettyJo getting bent over.
"Yeah, bitch. This what you want? You want the big fucking snake on a plane?"
Okay. I get the big fucking snake reference. But the plane metaphor is just fucking forced as fuck and that enrages my fifteen year old idealistic sensibilities. If you're gonna fucking end the world as we know it at least get your fucking metaphors straight.
"Yo! You better holster that fucking snake if you don't want it all sushified Clyde!"
"Oh. Ho. Who the fuck you calling Clyde? Motherfucker?"
"Yeah," says his crony. Scratching a never ending itch and wearing a fucking down jacket in 103 degree weather. "Who you calling Clyde?"
"Take your pick motherfucker. It's all fair in love and death."
"Danny! It's not what you think," says BettyJo. "Don't tell your father! I-I-I-... I LOVE YOU!"
"What? You know this punk bitch?"
"He's my stepson. Danny."
"Oh, way to go BettyJo. Just tell Mr. Rapist my name. Why don't you give him my address and phone number too?"
"Oh fuck this noise. I'm gonna fucking stab you in the fucking heart like a little bitch and then impregnate your stepmother twice."
"Yeah! Twice!" said the itchy one.
"To the pain then," says me.
BettyJo remains bent over at a perfect 90 degree angle. She's looking at me via crooked head and strained peepers. I figure it's a no-vote of confidence but I equally figure that since the constituency is mentally defective I should not let such trifles derail my mission from God.
"To the pain!" agrees Mr. Rapist.
He comes a charging. He is a juggernaut. His itchy partner in crime charging with a ferocity only surpassed by the frenzy of his full body scratching.
I am one with the bull god as I unsheathe the big katana only to discover it's just a fucking wooden bokken practice sword. Unfortunately, the dynamic crack duo have real hunting knives not unlike Crocodile Dundee's as in, "that ain't a knife..."
Fuck. And it's hot as sweaty balls in a Russian steam bath. And I brought a fucking wooden stick to a knife fight. And fucking BettyJo is just hoping it ends fast so she can get double stuffed.
"What a revolting turn of developments," I opine to no one in particular.
The big crackheads' big knives are now less than a foot from my squishy parts.
I hear a giant whooshing sound behind me. The sun is eclipsed. The crackheads look up in abject terror. BettyJo screams. Blood sprays every which way but loose. And then it stares at me. A fucking nine foot gargoyle with a tremendous wingspan. The crackheads caught in its monstrous jaws. They scream their last as they are devoured.
The gargoyle belches releasing a scorching wind that blows back my hair. BettyJo remains bent over with her jaw more agape than not.
"What did you say about my mother?" the gargoyle inquires menacingly.
"Yeah. That. What? You think I was gonna let that shit slide wiseguy?"
"Well, you started that shit. Telling me to mind my business. As if the fate of mankind wasn't mankind's business? And who knows more about that shit? A man or a gargoyle?"
"Well, fuck me sideways and confuse me with a Sasquatch," says the gargoyle. "When you put it like that... Well. Okay. My bad."
"Don't worry about it. This fucking heat is driving everybody fucking bonkers."
"Yeah. It's a fucking scorcher. Any word when it's supposed to break?"
"Maybe by Wednesday, but you know the weather man don't know shit."
"Amen to that brother."
"We cool, gargoyle?"
"Yeah. No hard feelings?"
"No, but since I got you here can I ask you a favor?"
"See that woman bent over there with her short shorts around her stupid ankles?"
"Unfortunately, I do."
"Well... You got room for one more?"
"There's always room for one more," the gargoyle says and gives me a wink.
"Thanks. You don't need me to stick around for it, do ya?"
"Nah. I got it covered."
"Danny?!?!? Where are you going?" BettyJo asks scared out of her dim half wits.
"Away. I'm going away BettyJo. Just like you."
"No! Don't leave me. Don't lea-"
Then BettyJo screams a bit and I hear gnashing sounds. I keep walking and I think about taking up smoking. Yeah. I'm definitely gonna start smoking. Fucking unfiltered Luckies too. Either that or wake the fuck up soon.
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