2020.10.25 02:05 onenerdywitch 5 year old hiding poop under the bed.
My 5 year old son has had trouble with pooping in his pants rather than in the toilet, and then lying about it/not telling us for long periods of time, as well as hiding poop under the bed. My husband and I are at a loss.
He will on occasion tell us he either needs to go, or that he's had an accident, both of which are met with praise for letting us know. He does get in trouble (in the form of being told how disappointed we are, and taking away some tablet time) when he lies to us about having an accident, but never when he tells us that it's happened. We try to make it clear that is the lying that's the problem, not the accident.
Today, after being asked if he'd had an accident (I already knew he had, I could smell it) he tells me yes and that there's poop under the bed. He's hidden poop for at least a day or two that I didn't know about. Before anyone asks how I didn't know, he had an accident yesterday and sat in it for a little while, and his room smelled so I assumed it was from that incident.
We've repeatedly told him how inappropriate that is, and that if he has an accident he just has to tell us. We try to enforce a 'potty time' every day, but with our schedules it's sometimes difficult to keep to it very strictly.
Is this age appropriate behavior? Anyone have any tips on how to stop this?
submitted by onenerdywitch to Parenting [link] [comments]
2020.09.22 19:13 Linkoxide Hidden toilet poop
I made a post a couple months ago where I confessed Gus had ruined my once peaceful poops by saying he has found multiple insects hidden inside the toilet by flushing it as im sure we all know.
Since then I have been giving it a courtesy flush to check for any scrout tickelers pre poop.
I have recently found out that flushing can " produce potentially infectious aerosols that will live in your bathroom for hours" if you flush with the lid open. And of course if you're checking for bugs, your face is right above the toilet so you're getting flavor blasted each time by a terrible concoction.
So I must know, is it worth checking for the insects each time and exposing myself to such filth, or should I try and remain ignorant and hope my toilet is safe?
submitted by Linkoxide to GusAndEddy [link] [comments]
2020.09.13 07:40 Oscar_Mild Hidden toilet poop
My job is having me and my spouse move across country next year so earlier this year I purchased some land to build an ICF passive-solar aging-in-place homestead. It's an empty lot in Virginia a little more than 1/2 acre in a residential community. Semi-on grid with power and fiber internet available but a well and septic system would be needed. I've been toying with different ideas and have come up with a layout that I'm happy with. I tried to make it practical and frugal. I would love to get some feedback. You can see the layout at http://www.pfgp.com/layout.pdf
Simple 3 "bedroom"/2 bathroom rectangle with the length running east/west. Almost all windows on the south side with a roof overhang calculated to block the summer sun while allowing for the winter sun to reach deep into the house. East/west windows are kept minimal and small because you can't easily block the summer sun from coming in. Only one northside window since northside windows don't provide any heating benifits, provide little light, and only allow the heat to escape. Poorly insulated walls provide more insulation than well insulated windows.
One floor layout with zero threshold and all doors 36" cutouts for aging in place concerns.
The master bedroom is in the northeast corner of the house. North side where it is kept cool and on the east side so it will be dark in the evening and sunny in the morning. There would be a mini split above the head of the bed with the outside unit in the backyard on the shady north side of the house. I know ventilation is important for the outside unit and I'm concerned about it being under an overhang and if that would cause any issues.
Another minisplit but in the living room. Also on the north wall.
The bedroom closet and pantry are windowless rooms at the north side of the house to keep them dark and cool.
The living room has a door the the backyard. The door would have a window, but this would be the only window on the northside of the house.
There is a dog door to the left of the back door which would lead to a fenced in area. The fence is laid out so only the dog door and not the human door would lead into the fenced in area to keep the majority of the backyard dog free. The fence runs east/west about 3' away from the house in the northeast side which would always be in shade and leads to a larger area on the west side of the house which would get sun. The thin area on the north side would be a cement pad for easy poop clean up, and the large west side would be grass. The fence is chain link so the dogs can see us in the back yard. The dogs can have escorted access to the full backyard when we're back there.
I wanted an ICF house and saw there were home builders in the area that use Fox Blocks. Had the house use 6" core Fox Blocks: 7 layers high with each layer using 4 corner blocks and the external east/west walls using 14 straight blocks each and the external north/south walls using 5 blocks each. Besides penetrations like doors and windows, the blocks don't need to be cut to length to reduce waste and save on labor.
Pex tubing in the insulated slab foundation hooked up to the electric hot water tank. The hose faucets are also hooked up to this tubing to allow for cooling of the floor in the summer. Details here.
No tubing in the pantry, closet, under the bed, under the couch, under the cabinets, and similar areas.
The slab would be covered with dark and textured ceramic wood plank like tiles. These would be thermally conductive to allow the sun's heat to be absorbed during the winter days and released during the winter nights.
The hot water tank is located in the laundry room, close to both bathrooms and the kitchen making for short lines. I don't think I would need a hot water re-circulation line given the short distances. The floor using hot water for supplemental heating, and with an electric water heater I think this could get expensive. I'd be interested in the using a standard tank with a sidearm heat exchanger and hooking up a solar water heater on the roof or along the front of the house on the ground. (Or maybe connected to a rocket stove water heater in the front yard? Is that tacky?)
We have no children so the two regular bedrooms are used as flex rooms which we would each use for us each to have a private room. (Basically an office in one and a gaming room in the other.) They have windows in them but we'd prefer not to have closets in them. If we ever sell and want to turn the rooms into legal bedrooms then a wall on the north side of Flex 2 could be built between both flex rooms, then another wall to split that space into a left and right area, with closet doors added. I'm not sure, but I think by not adding closets then the rooms don't meet legal definitions of bedrooms, reducing the tax value of the house, and thereby reducing the annual tax bill.
There's a small void between the closet and pantry. The idea would be to have a mirror mounted at the end of the closet, which could be opened into safe room. Kind of a splurge, really inexpensive and a good area to keep some documents and other things hidden. See example.
24" shelves on left and right side running from floor the the ceiling. A step ladder would hook on the north wall to make it easy to get things on the upper shelves. A broom would be mounted to the wall in the area behind the door. The ceilings are 9'4", but I'd actually be interested in making this room go all the way up to the roof and give it a sloped ceiling to maximize the room's volume.
The sink would be on the counter facing the windows and the front yard. Lots of windows making the area sunny and bright. The ICF walls are thick so the windows would be deep. I'd be interested in installing shelves and putting lots of plants in the windows. Like this (but nicer).
The island is a little awkwardly placed right now. But it would be split height with three bar stools on the north side of it.
Wide hallways with space for built in cabinets on the north side of the hallway. Simple shelves could be put up in that space initially. The laundry room door would have a large frosted glass window to allow lots of light to spill into the hallway.
A pull down ladder would be in the hallway running east/west. The attic isn't very tall, but runs the full length of the house. I'd want to use attic trusses, have a plywood floors, and lots of lights to make this a large usable storage space.
Unfortunately this part of the country is not suitable for a basement, which I would have loved, so I'd have to make due with an attic.
Simple gable roof to make it easy to install, inexpensive, and less likely to have leaks compared to an intricate roof design. Metal roof with a light color to reflect the sun's ray. The pitch is set for the optimal fixed angle for solar panels for my latitude. The roof trusses would be designed to accommodate the weight of the metal roof, the solar panels, possible hot water heater, and storage in the attic.
Front loading washer and dryer on pedestals for aging in place concerns. Has a large chest freezer in here. Not in the pantry because it generates heat. Top of chest freezer would be a good work space for folding clothes. Store a 20# CO2 container in here hooked up to a line in the wall that goes to the kitchen for a sparkling water tap.
No tub, but a large no threshold walk in shower. Short frosted window in the south wall to let in some light. Wall mounted toilet to make it really easy to clean. You can also set it to a custom height, which would be higher than a normal seat since we have no kids and it makes it better for aging-in-place. Has a hand bidet as well as a toilet paper dispenser. A toilet seat bidet would be nice, but for wall mounted toilets they are super expensive, and the stand alone toilet seats don't really work well with the custom shape of a wall mounted toilet. Using the bidet would be nice to reduce/eliminate toilet paper usage and to take it easier on the septic system.
Has a tub/shower combo, but an extra long tub for adults. Also has a wall mounted toilet with hand bidet. Also has a private window in the south wall, but also a large frosted eastern window. This can cause overheating in the summer, but I think a warm bathroom would be fine. With white subway tile, it will make it very bright and sunny in the morning. Would build shelves across window for more window plants.
No garage. Save money. The area requires a 70' set back for a house so I would have a large front yard I'm not too happy about. I'd want to install a U-shaped gravel driveway and park on the driveway.
A tv would be mounted on in the living room on the pantry wall. You could fully see the tv even if the door is fully open. My spouse is complaining about the backyard door being there as it would mean someone would be walking in front of the tv to go outside. I got rid of the safe room, moved the pantry over, and made a mud room, but they weren't a fan. Went back to how I had it initially.
My spouse also doesn't like just the one windows on the north wall in the living room (that's located in the door). But I don't think it would be too much of a concern given all the windows on the south side. Plus, the north windows would just look into the dog run.
I sketched out a house for a homestead I'd like to have built next year. Never done this before. Would love feedback.
submitted by Oscar_Mild to homestead [link] [comments]
2020.09.09 19:38 bananaloaflife Poop toilet hidden
Apologies for formatting, on mobile.
Hi all! So as the title suggests, my cat has peed and pooped outside his litter box. Last week we found poo behind the TV, and tonight pee in my OH's football boots/on a carrier bag. Luckily these have been the only incidents, but I'm going to clean out the spare room tomorrow to make sure there's no more hidden surprises.
He's 10, we adopted him in February and haven't had any toilet issues before. There aren't any other changes to him that I've noticed, he's been using his litter box as normal the rest of the time, he's as cuddly and affectionate as normal. I'm at home all day as I'm currently still on furlough so have got to know him very well over the past few months.
The only recent changes to his routine are 1. We swapped to a different type of litter around a month ago. 2. 3-4 days ago swapped to a different brand of cat food as his usual wasn't available. He's had this brand in the past before.
Although I'm hoping they're just odd isolated events, I'm a first time cat mum so just want to make sure this isn't anything common, or something to be worried about.
submitted by bananaloaflife to CatAdvice [link] [comments]
2020.09.07 23:16 davidpcbn Corn Soup and the Pillowfluff
Laurie had spent some time in hospital. The head wound and concussion was pretty serious but then it was like other problems popped up.
She was malnourished and underweight, a thyroid problem had been identified.
She was finally getting the long delayed treatment for her anxiety attacks and her high blood pressure.
She was in longer than she thought she would be. The hospital food was terrible, but it was far more varied than what she would normally eat.
She knew that she’d have to face reality once she left. She had been let go from her cleaning position. Despite being self-employed, everyone knew what happened.
The foals in the sack that Timmy had brought back caused a shitstorm of controversy.
Very little of the foals survived the experience and then the survivors were dropped off at a shelter.
No one knew which baby belonged to which adult fluffy. This was the easy solution.
And then there was the centre. A trail of pure destruction. A lot of fluffies dead and a lot of unhappy owners. Who had also lost a lot of foals.
They wanted someone physical to blame. Their anger at their loss was palpable, they had lost their investments, their pets, toys, their friends.
It ultimately led back to Laurie. It was her fault. Timmy wasn’t around to face up to it.
And Timmy was gone now. He had a heart attack in the garden after tangling with Mr Morrison.
And Laurie was alone now.
She was discharged from hospital and she realised that she couldn’t face the bar job. The story had made the local news. Imagine the gossip at work.
But she was tired, she wanted to sleep. The bar job could wait. And if they didn’t want to wait they’d fire her. Did it really matter? Her life felt like it was over.
For all the trouble he brought he was like an anchor that kept her grounded.
Or weighed down. She wasn’t sure what to describe it as.
Her husband was dead, but she had the kids. But then Rachel left.
And Timmy was all that was left, as he had always been. The one constant in her life. If she could live she would live for Timmy.
Everything else had gone.
She laid down in her bedroom and just wanted to sleep. She had seen the people point and laugh. She felt a great sense of shame. Some people even cheered out to say how much they loved her son for doing that to the fluffies. He was all over 4chan as a hero, a slayer or fluffies.
At least someone could love him.
She stayed in bed for days. To get up and be awake was to be alive and to face things and she didn’t want that.
She missed Bloomy. Someone who was always happy to see her. What Timmy did to him to “raise” him and keep him in such filth, it disgusted her. Sheer neglect in filth.
But she managed to raise him and care for him to be a more normal, if damaged fluffy. A victory of sorts, that this was proof that she could care for something and for it to love her back. And repair something broken.
But fluffies love regardless, they’re ultimately toys who respond to the right type of stimulus.
But boy, she really missed hugging Bloomy. He loved her warm Huggies, she used to breathe in the smell of his soft fur when clean and feel the slight and slow beat of his heart.
Though they’re not real they fill a void that is missing in one's life. That love is important regardless of it being artificial or organic. If you felt love of any kind you could live.
Hell, she did better with fluffies than her own two children. She felt disappointed in herself.
After 3 days she could no longer bear the hunger pains. She had to eat. She passed Timmy’s wretched room. The smell was awful, it was like he wasn’t gone.
She went downstairs and found a bare minimum of food that was now out of date. She opened the freezer and found the fouled and filthy packets of foal tendies that Timmy crapped on to procure.
Wow. Who lets their child do that. Sure he’s an adult but wow imagine telling someone they did that.
The foal tendies were binned. All of them as they should’ve been kept in the dumpster. She didn’t want to see anymore foal tendies or buy them. She could understand Rachel’s vegetarianism. Or was she vegan? She had no idea. She hadn’t seen her in so long. She’d be leaving school soon. She wondered what she would consider doing.
Laurie sat in her garden and checked the envelope with her cash. The last of her wages and payments. Maybe she would have to go to work tonight. For food money. She didn’t know how she could do it and face those people at the bar. She was so tired it had finally hit her. Had she been running on adrenaline all this time?
And then she caught a smell in the air. Cooking. It smelt sweet but not overly. Popcorn? She knew where it had come from. Was this for his fluffies?
She walked to the fence and she was greeted by Mr Morrison. He waved to her and walked to the fence. The fluffies he was raising and training had been freshly weaned and followed him to the fence.
Laurie smiled weakly at the fluffies. The fluffies all looked up at her and asked for huggies and if she wanted to play with them and if they had nummies as Daddeh was being mean as he had cooked nummies but not given them any.
Mr Morrison hushed them back and told them to go over to the damn table. He would feed them soon.
Laurie smelt the air again. What was that? She was sure that she had something that smelt like that once.
“Corn Soup”, Mr Morrison replied. It was a sweetish treat that fluffies liked but one that was used to clean out their intestinal tract healthily. A human food that could be made fresh and simply in a pot boiler.
He offered Laurie some for dinner. He had noticed her mouth drooling at the thought.
“So long as I can do something with the little guys” Laurie replied back.
She had noticed a shed that had been built. It had a giant hole for the fluffies to go in and out of and some openings like windows. It looked quite new, she had never seen it before.
“I’ve built an outhouse for the fluffies to go and crap in. I figured it would advance their training”, Mr Morrison had said. “They’ll feel a lot more cleared out when they pump their crap into that later”. He began to laugh.
It was a cool day out and nice enough to eat out in. Mr Morrison brought the pot out and began to scoop out portions for the weaned foals to eat.
There was a chorus of “tank oo daddeh fo nummies” once the soup was poured in. It was cool enough for them to eat.
Mr Morrison poured out a bowl for Laurie who began to drink it. The bowl had emptied.
Mr Morrison looked at her, “more?”
“Yes please, more….”
She remembered the last time she had any was as a child. It was a soothing meal, much like the way Rachel liked Buttered Noodles. Soul food.
Mr Morrison needed to feed some other fluffies. He pointed to a window and a fluffy was looking out. A pillowfluff. It looked like it was humming something or singing. But it looked sad too. He asked Laurie to take a bowl in and feed the pillowfluff.
Her name was Daisy. She was an alicorn that had been used for breeding, abused when she had accidentally killed her own foals out of fear of an alicorn baby and had then had her limbs, legs and horn removed.
She had a rough life and she was repeatedly bred until she only miscarried. What a way to treat something like that.
Mr Morrison looked angry. He recalled the asshole who originally owned her had brought her for training, hadn’t listened when told what steps to take and then had his girlfriend or whatever ask him to teach the fluffy not to miscarry. All because he saw dollars that could be potentially made from it and he had no clue about raising fluffies beyond money and letting them fuck.
The girlfriend had left the fluffy in his care. She never came back for it. He was going to euthanize her, but decided against it. He felt partly responsible for the way Daisy ended up. She could be given a comfortable home looking out of the window watching the world go by. Treated with a bit of TLC as he said.
“Tender loving care?” Laurie asked.
“No, Total Logistic Control. A pillowfluff that’s fed correctly, kept clean, kept clean of poopies, comfortable and is preoccupied with the world outside beyond its own inward world is a happy fluffy regardless. They just require more attention and more input to be happy. Think of it more as consistent maintenance.”
Laurie was given her orders on how to treat Daisy and she went upstairs with a bowl of corn soup and a cleaning kit. Fresh litter was kept upstairs to be used once she opened her bowels.
The fluffy had been looking out of the window. She had observed the little foals playing and wished she could run with them. She had also looked up at the birds flying in the sky. She wished she had her wings to fly with them too.
Laurie carefully turned the fluffy around and greeted her. Daisy asked her if she was her new mummeh. Laurie laughed and said that she came up to give her nummies but she needed to be cleaned first. Daisy agreed dolefully. She didn’t like the cleaning process.
Laurie applied the cleaning spray and the comb to clean through the mane and the fur. Laurie then cleaned the tail and retied it back into a knot to stop the crap clinging to it and seeping deeply into the tail. A common problem of all fluffies.
And then came the tricky part. Daisy had been humming along nicely from the attention. Laurie had to shave Daisy’s ass. A shaved ass was much easier to clean than one that wasn’t. Laurie cleaned the anal cavity with a cleaning bud q-tip and some water. Daisy began to complain about her poopy place and she didn’t want it to be sore or hurty.
And then came the part that Daisy hated. But never remembered and was never prepared for. Laurie applied the cream and began to use the razor. Daisy began to scream. Her Poopie place was really hurting. She pooped out some crap onto Laurie’s hand.
Laurie wiped her hand clean. The fluffy was really distressed. Laurie didn’t know what to do, and the she decided to try what she had always done with Bloomy.
She scritched Daisy’s mane at the top of her head and then behind her ears. Daisy began to coo with delight and calmed down. Laurie then decided to speak to Daisy. Talk to her. Distract her whilst Laurie shaved her butt.
The fluffy listened. Laurie had told her everything. Every trouble. The fluffy listened. Maybe it couldn’t understand at all. They’re toys and what do they know of human problems? But it listened, it didn’t interrupt, it smiled and cooed that it finally had someone that was around for her. The stinging aftershave lotion was applied and the fluffy didn’t even flinch. It had listened and listened to Laurie speak.
Laurie had talked so much. And she talked about Bloomy too. She had really missed him. She really wanted to hug him.
“Cn Daisy hav Huggies tu?”
Laurie had stopped and looked down. The fluffy was smiling innocently back at her.
“Of course you can Daisy. I’m going to give you a hug like I used to give Bloomy. You’ve been such a good fluffy and you’ve had so many hurties. You deserve a hug”
Laurie cradled and hugged Daisy in her arms and rocked her. The fluffy cooed with warmth. Laurie placed her down after a while and then gave her the bowl of corn soup. The fluffy lapped it up messily but Laurie was able to clean her mouth with a handy wipe.
The fluffy thanked her and Laurie gave her one final scratch behind her ears and turned her back around to look outside.
The fluffy was content and had been serviced. Chad was right, they do require a lot of work and time and effort. And all it takes to comfort them is one simple hug and that hole in their heart is instantly sealed. No wonder they love hugs so much. Maybe if Laurie gave enough hugs it would fill the hole too.
On the table, a note was left behind. Mr Morrison was administering the toilet and litter training to the foals and he would do more chores. He had left a pan of corn soup for Laurie and asked her to bring back the pan and thanked her for her work.
Laurie had enjoyed the soup. Maybe it was too good for fluffies but it was certainly good for her. She could have more tomorrow while she was looking for work.
She opened the door and went into the kitchen to put the soup in the fridge.
A shiver went through Laurie’s spine. She looked in the kitchen.
The pan was placed on the table and and stretched her arms forward towards the voice.
“I’m so glad you’re home Rachel. I love you. I’ve missed you.”
Laurie hugged her daughter and breathed in the smell of her hair. Her daughter had grown but she still used the same dry shampoo she had always used when she was in a hurry.
Laurie cried and hugged her daughter tighter. Rachel hugged her mother tighter. “I’ve missed you too mom. I wish I could’ve been here with you”
Mr Morrison observed his new trainees and the foals had looked up eagerly at their Daddeh. Had they done well? Had they made good poopies? The room in that shed, that outhouse was so dark and maybe scary but they wanted to do good poopies for Daddeh. Be good fluffies.
He patted their heads and laughed. They had certainly made a lot of good poopies. That corn soup cleans them out nicely and with little complaints from them. Fluffies love sweet things after all. Litter training is not so simple as to point out where to poop, it is about coordination and remembering. Finding a spot and using it specifically. It distinguishes domestics from feral born. It requires instilled discipline, rote learning and good behaviour patterns and the fluffy will learn exactly where to find the litter box and remember to use it and make sure they poop nowhere else. Mr Morrison had boiled it down to simple science.
The outhouse was no exception. It would be a place that they would learn to use and remember to use if there was no litterbox or even a damn litterpal
Speaking of litterpals, he was very happy with the litterpal that he had hidden inside the fluffy outhouse. He groaned occasionally, and begged for his mother who he didn’t deserve. Thank god Mr Morrison didn’t have to listen to that screech, that REEEEEEE ever again for as long as he was in the fluffy outhouse.
the last fluffy that had went in was delighted and so happy. He was proud that he hadn’t been scared by the fluffy outhouse and the weird and big poopie litterpal inside. He had made good poopies for Daddeh and got his licky cleanies too. A clean bottom for Daddeh! Mr Morrison laughed with delight and told him to play with his siblings. The fluffy ran towards them to play with his blockies. He was such a good and clever boy.
Mr Morrison then banged hard on the box and reminded the litterpal inside that if he didn’t do a good job all the time he’d hand him over to the fucking police and he wouldn’t get his heart medication that he needed after his heart attack. He wasn’t going to get any more foal tendies and would just get fluffy shit instead. Mr Morrison walked away laughing. Maybe he should paint the outhouse and make it a friendly colour for the fluffies to use.
submitted by davidpcbn to fluffycommunity [link] [comments]
2020.08.24 11:27 ByfelsDisciple Toilet hidden poop
You know you’ve been hitting the Quaaludes too hard after waking up in an unknown child’s closet while still wearing yesterday’s dirty clown outfit.
And that, my friends, is why god made cocaine.
WOWZA, that first bump really gets my gears spinning. The thrill is stronger than a pig’s tongue tickling my asshole, and there’s no better way to start the day.
Or night. I slowly opened the closet door to realize that I had no idea what the fuck time it was. Was the kid sleeping? Looked like it – that stupid nightlight was on and the windows were dark.
Time to rise and shine.
I stumbled out of the closet, the goddamn floppy clown shoes nearly causing me to topple into the kid’s bed.
Ah, shit. The little bastard woke up.
“Are you going to hurt me?” he asked, blankets pulled up to his nose like some fucking horror movie stereotype.
“No, Timmy. You know the rules, don’t you?”
“My name is Bryson,” he whined back in that annoying voice.
“Sure, Timmy. I’m like Santa Claus, but the opposite, right? NEVER tell anyone that you believe in me, and things will be fine. If you DO tell people that I’m here, bad things will happen to your mom and dad. Got it?”
His eyes got all wide and his little hands shook. I was pretty sure the bastard was two gasps away from wailing.
Fortunately, these giant clown pockets carry a lot of secrets. I whipped a small nitrous oxide tank and mask out of it and covered Timmy’s face. He struggled quietly for about five seconds before relaxing.
I hope you’re happy, Timmy. That hit of nox was supposed to be my post-masturbatory celebration.
“You remember who I am?” I asked as he smiled and closed his eyes.
“You’re Uncle Beans, and you’re staying in my closet for just a few days,” he muttered contentedly before drifting off to blissful sleep.
A blissful sleep that I was supposed to have enjoyed, the fucknut.
I huffed and headed out into his house. Everyone else was asleep, so my day was just beginning.
I licked every doorknob. There were 19 upstairs and 13 downstairs, so it took a lot of stealthy maneuvering.
Then it was time to circle back to the family bathroom in the upstairs hall. I emptied the trash, because the Q-Tips are always on the bottom.
I carefully placed the trash back where I found it before examining the Q-Tip’s earwax.
It was golden along the perimeter, but dark brown near the center. This swipe consisted mostly of a dark brown blob, not unlike a scoop of peanut butter. Its heft told me that the owner waited far too long between ear cleanings, the unhygienic monster. That meant it most likely belonged to Timmy’s dad. At more than one quarter inch across (that was just the main chunk; the golden edges spread wider) it was most likely an adult ear. The other end of the Q-Tip was mostly blackish crumbles; he’d probably switched to the left ear and done a half-assed swipe with his non-dominant hand, just grazing the good stuff while scraping away a few scrumptious nuggets.
I pulled the “Timmy’s dad” Ziplock baggie from my clown pocket (told you they were big) and scraped the earwax into my collection.
Naturally, I was rock-hard at this point and couldn’t wait any longer. I snuck the Mason jar out from beneath the sink (seriously, NO ONE checks under there) and unscrewed the top. Then I swiped the Vaseline from the medicine cabinet, lined up the earwax baggies for viewing pleasure, and got to work.
I’d been depositing in the Mason jar for a month now. Tonight’s load filled it nearly to the top with creamy goodness, which was becoming an issue. I love measuring my loads, but disposal must be considered.
I scooped out an aromatic clump of toejam and flicked it into the eyedrop bottle before heading out of the bathroom and downstairs.
There’s nothing I love more than strutting through the house completely nude after filling my Mason jar (well, a hit of nox really puts the cherry on top, TIMMY), which I left in the kitchen. I was still covered head to toejam in clown makeup, but I figured I could use a touchup. I reached into the pocket of my discarded clown suit and pulled out the white makeup, applying it to my balls in the moonlight.
So many wrinkly folds, but so worth it.
I finished up, put the clown makeup away, slid the red nose into place, shoved the TV remote up my ass, and wandered around the house.
This might seem ridiculous, I know, but don’t worry: their house naturally creaked at night, and Timmy wasn’t telling anyone. I would go completely unnoticed yet again.
I crept back to the kitchen, opened my Mason jar, and headed into the fridge.
Yep. There was enough mancream for every piece of food, just like last week. The real winner, though, was Timmy’s mom’s yogurt. She guzzled that shit on the reg, and it was the best place to deposit my jar accumulations. She either liked my flavor or just plain didn’t notice!
I snuck back into the downstairs bathroom after that, checking on my hidden camera. Did you know that they can be the size of a pinhead? So tiny that you’d never even notice something was recording your facial expressions while you poop.
Every. Single. Time.
I lifted the back of the toilet tank to make sure that it was still broken. Still unflushable.
Hands shaking, I lifted the toilet seat.
Oh MY, someone had dropped an extra-dark bowl-curler of a chocolate sundae before realizing that the terlet had done broke itself!
I got to my knees and took a squishy turd nugget from the top of the pile.
One lick is all it takes.
This one belonged to Timmy’s mom, because it was the result of an extra salty diet.
My plumber found this note taped to the back of my toilet after he realized that someone had manually broken the valve.
I confronted Bryson, who immediately broke into tears and begged us not to believe the story if we wanted to live.
My wife won’t stop puking, and I’m so terrified that I can’t stop shaking. I don’t want to believe this is real, but every single piece adds up.
And I’ll never figure out how he put a red clown nose into my pocket while I was wearing the pants.
He appears to be long gone.
Does anyone else know something about this clown who lives in people’s houses?
submitted by ByfelsDisciple to ByfelsDisciple [link] [comments]
2020.08.21 03:16 luclight Hidden toilet poop
TDLR; my husband: “Do you ever think of just doing one project, all the way?” Me: “that’s what I did...”
I (27f) am not diagnosed with ADHD. I come from an anti med/mental health family; My mom is textbook ADHD (undiagnosed) and has many siblings/nephews/nieces that are diagnosed ADHD. I find so much comfort in this group, I thought you might relate to my feat of almost scooping the kitty litter. My house is incredibly cluttered right now, so around noon I decided to tackle scooping the kitty litter and cleaning the stray poops off the ground. Walked to the cat closet, moved the litter pan to the kitchen to get all the hidden poops, emptied the entire closet, saw how disgusting the floor was, decided it needed to he hand washed, only I don’t have any cleaner except toilet bowl gel, PERFECT for cat poop. Accidentally smeared more poop on the floor from an unclean dog diarrhea scrub brush, re-scrub the floor, decide that the walls and baseboards need scrubbed, decide the baseboards need painted, hit head on shelf, decided it’s the perfect time to take the wallpaper off the shelf, wallpaper residue is only solved by pressure washer, since I have the pressure washer out I might as well pressure wash the back dooentry rugs/shower mat/half the patio. Waiting for shelf to dry I realize I hate the wall color, so paint the walls, paint the shelf, re-clean the floor I got paint on(despite owning many drop cloths and painters tape-I never got it out). Just decided to quit for the night. Closet is still empty, stuff everywhere, shelf needs a few more coats before I can re-install it, just found the kitty litter box is in the middle of the kitchen, in all it’s stinky,unscooped glory.
submitted by luclight to adhdwomen [link] [comments]
2020.08.03 15:57 hermanhugh666 Hidden toilet poop
Owning real estate is one of the best ways to build long-term wealth. It’s a passive income stream that generates cash when you sleep. And if you are using property managers most of the headaches are pushed onto other people. However, despite the fact that you are a type of God (landlord), sometimes you have to use you Godlike powers to kick a tenant to the streets. Here are the 10 best ways to kick a tenant out of your rental property.
1. Use Brute Force Using brute force to kick your tenant to the streets is probably one of the most effective ways to get the end result you are looking for. Since you are a landlord you are already built like a bodybuilder. You do squats, bench press and make out with dime pieces. So if a tenant isn’t paying their rent, don’t be afraid to kick open their door and flex some muscle. I personally like to juice up with steroids before using brute force. This will make the veins in my neck pop out like the Hulk adding to my already scary persona.
2. Kidnap Their Pets If a tenant isn’t paying their rent feel free to kidnap their pets. You can use a kidnapped dog or cat as massive leverage to get your rent money and kick them out. I personally like to kidnap a tenants pet then sends them pictures of their pet heading to the kill shelter. It’s amazing how fast you will see results using this proven methodology.
3. Flood the Unit Sometimes you have to use drastic measures to get a tenant out of your apartment. I had this one tenant who wouldn’t leave my apartment because “squatters rights” or something like that. I tried going through the court system but that was super bureaucratic and extremely boring. To take matters into my own hands I decided to flood the apartment. I ended up backing up the septic tank and having fecal matter shoot out of the toilets in the apartment. In a few hours the apartment was covered in two feet of poop and pee and the tenant was out. Then I sued the tenant for leaving a mess and made over $35,000 dollars.
4. Intercept their Mail A really good way to get a loser tenant out of your apartment unit is to steal their mail. Tenants love Amazon and buying junk on the internet. It’s basically what they live for. If your tenant hasn’t paid rent in a few months and refuses to leave your unit, start stealing their mail. In a few weeks your tenants will start withdrawing from their funko pop fetish and find a new place to live.
5. Fleas A pretty effective way to get a tenant out of your unit is to unleash a few million fleas into their unit when they are not home. A few million fleas only cost $45 bucks on the dark net, which in my opinion has one of the highest ROI’s around. After you unleash the fleas your tenant will likely not make it through the week until they find another place to live. After they move out, charge a crazy cleaning fee and call them filthy pigs.
6. Hiding Under the Bed and Making Spooky Noises When you have a really persistent tenant who won’t pay rent sometimes you need to get creative. One way to get a tenant out of your apartment unit is to hide under their bed and wait for them to go to sleep. After they fall asleep, make really spooky noises and pretend you are a ghost. Since your tenant isn’t a landlord, they will get scared and run out of their unit like a little girl. Once they run out of the unit change the locks quickly and sell all of their personal belongings on eBay.
7. Bury Roadkill Inside of the Walls Hire a kid named Kyle and feed him Monster Energy Drinks. Then when your tenant isn’t home go into the unit and have Kyle punch a few holes in the wall. Once the holes are big enough stick roadkill inside of the holes and patch it up. After a few weeks the unit will smell horrible and your tenant will move out.
8. Rearrange their Furniture Anytime your tenant leaves your apartment unit go inside the unit and destroy everything. Throw plates at the walls. Take a knife and cut up the couch. And make sure to break every funko pop in site. In a few weeks your idiot tenant will have left and you can rent the unit out to someone who can actually pay you.
9. Burn the House Down Sometimes drastic measures are needed for a horrible tenant. When your tenant is gone on their weekly funko pop buying spree, pour gasoline all over the apartment and light it on fire. This will not only get your tenant out of your apartment but you will collect a huge insurance check (means lots of money).
10. Remove the Roof If a tenant stops paying rent sometimes the simplest way to get them out of your apartment is to remove the roof. Removing the roof it next level landlord and will show your tenant how serious you are. The longest I have seen a tenant last after I removed the roof my my apartment is three days.
submitted by hermanhugh666 to LoveForLandlords [link] [comments]
2020.08.01 19:10 nelsonisanitwit Hidden toilet poop
All the church leaders have embedded scrupulosity (personal judgmentalism) as all TBMs do, because that's the whole soul of the church. Leaders' whole "fullness of joy" that they "earned through righteousness" (i.e. learning to love the scrupulosity and transfer it to others), but like any sick system, the fullness of joy is to TRANSFER that scrupulosity to YOU or anyone. Church leaders don't feel bothered by their scrupulosity because they constantly transfer it to others. It's like a bowel that constantly needs to be emptied. That's why being in leadership makes you a superior member because you get the "privilege" in a warped/sick/twisted organization, of using the church system for its actual corporate purpose: to transfer scrupulosity to others. If you'e not in leadership you have no constant mechanism to transfer scrupulosity from your "bowel" to others. Your kids won't accept the judgmentalism in the quantities the church produces, and you parents have figured this out. If you were once TBM you tried to transfer the scrupulosity hidden under the religious items, from your internal church poop factory to your kids and what happened? They accepted some and then started rejecting, going around, pretending to accept the aggressive scrupulosity horseshit this "church" doles out. To transfer church scrupulosity to your kids, it doesn't matter whether you read the scriptures with your kids or if you never did, because the church's cancer doesn't come from the scriptures it comes from the narcissistic leaders. This is why church leaders only shallowly tell others to read scriptures (which they DON'T do by the way, because they have the church mechanisms to satisfy their needs).
Since the church sicknesses don't actually come from the scriptures, the church system and leaders actually despise the scriptures because they're harder to change. Changeability can serve scrupulosity. Church leaders only USE the concept of "read your scriptures" as part of their scrupulosity list, but they don't actually want you understanding what is in the new testament, book of Mormon, D&C, because all these texts describe the OPPOSITE of the church's behavior and they only want you reading scriptures if you don't start to notice this.
How do non leadership people deal with what the church actually teaches (i.e. scrupulosity)? Non church leadership are limited in their tools to deal with this because the church's judgmental core causes unending internal conflict, and the only "solution" the church actually teaches, is to hand it off to someone else, but there's little opportunity to do this and feel justified, unless you're in leadership. This church is the personal judgment version of a pyramid scheme where you only make a buck by getting another sucker to absorb the disease. THIS IS A CONFLICT ORIENTED CHURCH that sells scrupulosity as a product, and the leaders' whole motivation is to constantly distribute the personal scrupulosity they even create within themselves. They live for internal conflict at the personal level. You can't talk doctrine or policy with these people because doctrine and policy don't matter to them, only as part of generating internal conflict within yourself. TBMs are nonstop internal conflict and we learn to call it scrupulosity. Managing the internal conflict "in a righteous way" is the only way TBMs can manage the internal mouse wheel. Regular TBMs rarely have power to transfer much scrupulosity to others, even with their kids, but the church teaches to CREATE scrupulosity within yourself or you're not "worthy." You can only create scrupulosity for so long until you have to find a toilet to sit on and release it and stink up the room. Thus, TBMs actually see other people as a toilet to park their rears on. Church leaders see every member as a commode for their use. This is why they love group meetings where they feel the most satisfied behind the microphones. Nelson even rented out a stadium because the need to distribute nebulous feel-good-isms that are a cover for the real product, the scrupulosity, is so strong. Tele-conference isn't satisfying to these guys for long, so they're going crazy not being able to sit in their palace (conference center) and spray from the anus in person to tens of thousands.
submitted by nelsonisanitwit to exmormon [link] [comments]
2020.07.23 22:05 MajesticEvidence Hidden toilet poop
So this is my first post on here, here goes.
Sooo, when I was in middle school I was...coerced into joining our school's UN (debate) club. The teacher that was in charge of said club really liked me, and I liked her (yes, I was a teacher's pet). I liked the people in that club alright. Everyone except Johnny Boy. He was THE school golden boy. The most liked by both the student body and staff. I did not like him, at all. He did not like me back, he was always sending snarky comments my way. And damned be the person who snaps back.
It was my first time going into Debate Club and as such my abilities were kinda... trash. And Johnny boy wasted no time correcting me, and not out of his desire for me to get better. Every mistake was noted and taken advantage of. Needless to say, I was peeved.
I had not been two weeks into debate club when the teacher took me aside from the group and gave me the opportunity most kids in that debate club were tearing each other for. Every year around february my school was invited to either New York or another school for a big international debate. That particular year it was Harvard... HAR-VARD. I was invited just because I had good diction (according to my teacher). I am not stupid, even though there were kids who were loads better than me and deserved the offer more I obviously said yes. When else am I going to get an opportunity? Life is short. But, here is the ballbuster. I was going to roomie with no one other than Johnny Boy and another dude. Yay...
The entire trip I get more snide comments from Johnny Boy and company. Every night I wonder how. long I'll get in prison if I push this smart*ss from the window. On the last day I forgot our room key when I left the room. When I noticed I went to knock on the door, Johnny Boy had been expecting it since HE SAW my key in the room. He laughed through the door and poked fun at me for a good ten minutes. When he finally opened the door he and the other dude laughed in my face as they left.
I was mad, but I am not going to go after him in front of a group of people who LOVE him. So I went to the bathroom (I was pooping my pants the entire time I was outside). Before I answered nature's call I noticed two things: someone had not flushed after peeing and Johnny Boy had NOT hidden his toothbrush nor his deodorant in his suit case. I did not think about it twice. I was mad. I took his toothbrush and I gave the p*ssed toilet a nice scrubbing. And just because I was extra I ALSO rubbed his toothbrush on his deodorant...
Later when both guys came back I pretended nothing was wrong. He kinda chuckled when he saw me. But I kept on reading my new book. I was delighted when out of the corner of my eye I saw him introduce the nasty toothbrush into his mouth. He gagged (a lot), I laughed. The blood sacrifice had been payed. Enjoy that, piss breath.
Tl:Dr: Roommate peeveed me by locking me out of our room, I scrubbed a toilet with HIS toothbrush
submitted by MajesticEvidence to pettyrevenge [link] [comments]