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2020.10.30 15:34 MansA130Octl Nude sleep mom

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https://preview.redd.it/vscs7iu049w51.jpg?width=264&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=03e5a789c6a9467ff520256d7dec582ace7bd921
submitted by MansA130Octl to u/MansA130Octl [link] [comments]


2020.10.29 18:12 Silent_Scream123 Nude sleep mom

I’m going to try to keep things short, but I’ll add a tldr at the bottom anyway.
I’m a 27 year old guy with Asperger’s syndrome a.k.a. highly functioning autism. My Asperger’s has made my life tough. Probably not as tough as what some others had to endure, but still, I got bullied, beaten, ignored and other kids would definitely do their best to make me feel unwanted.
In a few years’ time I had lost several people I truly loved, like my grandparents, aunt, uncle and my sister’s daughter (cancer). This made me realize it is not my great intellect I value anymore, but the people around me.
I changed, in a good way. I started working on my social skills with trial and error and became better at it, although still clumsy in my behavior. I suddenly had a girlfriend, best friends for over ten years, had regular friends everywhere I came, was the most popular trainer on summer sports camp, and so on.
That changed after I started talking to a random girl. After many conversations things started to get sexual (some important notes, this was before I got a girlfriend again and we never sent nudes, nor did we meet). At one point she admits she’s a minor and I obviously try to push her away. She keeps sending messages, no matter what I say to her and it is then I made a big mistake. Instead of blocking her, I thought I’d say something very rude and scare her off, so she would leave me alone. She left me alone alright, but went to her mother.
Skip about a year and I come home to hear the police came in and took all our computers and smartphones. This girl’s mom had taken her to the police to press charges for asking a minor for nudes. I got treated like a heavy criminal, got interrogated, cuffed and taken away to the investigation judge and released on parole.
In the year to come I lost all my friends, even my best friends of over ten years, got kicked out of my sports team of over ten years, lost thousands of euros to my lawyer, lost my job, had to give up my childhood dream of becoming a police officer just like my granddad, lost my job as trainer on summer sports camp, lost my girlfriend, and lots more.
Two years after the police raided my home, the lawsuit finally took place. There they confronted me with the claim that I had asked the girl to meet in private on multiple occasions while knowing she was a minor. I did not, but this was the first time they confronted me with that, so I had never had the chance to deny that statement. It was word against word and in these current times of course they believed the victim. I lost and got a criminal record, which means I’ll never be able to follow my dream and become a police officer anymore.
When this all started I changed in a bad way. I cut all contact with anyone who even only had the possibility to have a link to this girl, out of shame and fear of what they would think. I became depressed and started having suicidal thoughts. Trivial things were and still are constantly reminding me of the whole situation and causing panic attacks. I can’t sleep anymore, and when I actually do manage to fall asleep, I have nightmares either about what would happen to me (this was before the lawsuit), how everyone has treated me, or the things and people I have lost. All in all, I just can’t function properly anymore, not at home, not at work.
All these things still apply, I have no friends to go to anymore and I’m having mental breakdowns and don’t want to live this life anymore. I’m close to giving up.
tldr: I had nothing, worked very hard for over 10 years to achieve my dreams only to have them taken away by a minor girl claiming a #metoo because I was rude to her. This made me lose everything and everyone I love except my family, including my childhood dream and future. The way I got treated and all those heavy consequences have probably caused me PTSD, I’m having mental breakdowns and don’t want to live this life anymore. I’m very close to giving up.
submitted by Silent_Scream123 to depression [link] [comments]


2020.10.29 17:54 Silent_Scream123 Nude sleep mom

I’m going to try to keep things short, but I’ll add a tldr at the bottom anyway.
I’m a 27 year old guy with Asperger’s syndrome a.k.a. highly functioning autism. My Asperger’s has made my life tough. Probably not as tough as what some others had to endure, but still, I got bullied, beaten, ignored and other kids would definitely do their best to make me feel unwanted.
In a few years’ time I had lost several people I truly loved, like my grandparents, aunt, uncle and my sister’s daughter (cancer). This made me realize it is not my great intellect I value anymore, but the people around me.
I changed, in a good way. I started working on my social skills with trial and error and became better at it, although still clumsy in my behavior. I suddenly had a girlfriend, best friends for over ten years, had regular friends everywhere I came, was the most popular trainer on summer sports camp, and so on.
That changed after I started talking to a random girl. After many conversations things started to get sexual (some important notes, this was before I got a girlfriend again and we never sent nudes, nor did we meet). At one point she admits she’s a minor and I obviously try to push her away. She keeps sending messages, no matter what I say to her and it is then I made a big mistake. Instead of blocking her, I thought I’d say something very rude and scare her off, so she would leave me alone. She left me alone alright, but went to her mother.
Skip about a year and I come home to hear the police came in and took all our computers and smartphones. This girl’s mom had taken her to the police to press charges for asking a minor for nudes. I got treated like a heavy criminal, got interrogated, cuffed and taken away to the investigation judge and released on parole.
In the year to come I lost all my friends, even my best friends of over ten years, got kicked out of my sports team of over ten years, lost thousands of euros to my lawyer, lost my job, had to give up my childhood dream of becoming a police officer just like my granddad, lost my job as trainer on summer sports camp, lost my girlfriend, and lots more.
Two years after the police raided my home, the lawsuit finally took place. There they confronted me with the claim that I had asked the girl to meet in private on multiple occasions while knowing she was a minor. I did not, but this was the first time they confronted me with that, so I had never had the chance to deny that statement. It was word against word and in these current times of course they believed the victim. I lost and got a criminal record, which means I’ll never be able to follow my dream and become a police officer anymore.
When this all started I changed in a bad way. I cut all contact with anyone who even only had the possibility to have a link to this girl, out of shame and fear of what they would think. I became depressed and started having suicidal thoughts. Trivial things were and still are constantly reminding me of the whole situation and causing panic attacks. I can’t sleep anymore, and when I actually do manage to fall asleep, I have nightmares either about what would happen to me (this was before the lawsuit), how everyone has treated me, or the things and people I have lost. All in all, I just can’t function properly anymore, not at home, not at work.
All these things still apply, I have no friends to go to anymore and I’m having mental breakdowns and don’t want to live this life anymore. I’m close to giving up.
tldr: I had nothing, worked very hard for over 10 years to achieve my dreams only to have them taken away by a minor girl claiming a #metoo because I was rude to her. This made me lose everything and everyone I love except my family, including my childhood dream and future. The way I got treated and all those heavy consequences have probably caused me PTSD, I’m having mental breakdowns and don’t want to live this life anymore. I’m very close to giving up.
submitted by Silent_Scream123 to ptsd [link] [comments]


2020.10.28 18:42 RiceCr4cker My (18M) gf (19F) of 3 years sent a nude to another guy.

This happened at 2am this morning.
Background: I am staying at my best friends house (19M) who I do not see very often as he lives kinda far away. We are also both busy with work and school. My friend got a call from his gf that a guy was following her, so I grab my motorcycle and he grabs his car. We zoom over there and he gets pulled over and felony stopped for his speed. I make it there and make sure she is alright and that the guy left for good. Everything is fine I head back to his place to tell his mom he got arrested.
At this point I text my gf the situation at hand, and she is a little worried, but seems preoccupied l, late responses and half assed, i keep her updated on the situation.
6 hrs later we get my friend out of jail and get him home, and try to sleep. I text my gf the usual sappy goodnight we always do with eachother. 2 hrs later my phone blows up and wakes me up. My gf tells me she feels so bad and that she sent another guy she met in among us a nude to make me jealous. I of course think its a joke, but she's dead serious.
I go off on her and she admits to everything saying she did it because I went to "risk my life" for another girl. At this point we text till 6 am discussing why she did this. She feels absolutely terrible about the whole thing.
I have been getting weird vibes from her for the past month with this new among us discord group she's in. The way they talk and how she never invites me to the server when I ask because "it will be akward"
At this point I do not know if I can ever trust her again. She yells her parents and they say that is not cheating but it is wrong.
Reddit whats your opinion? Or past experiences.
Edit: Im heading to work will try to reply to anyone later.
Edit: officially ended it today. She said she fell out of love with me during this pandemic because I've been working more and haven't been meeting her needs. I'm honestly over it already.
submitted by RiceCr4cker to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.27 17:14 15throw15away15 Nude sleep mom

I tried posting this to legaladvice, but they just took it down. I don't know why and I'm incredibly frustrated that I can't even post this shit to that sub because of the stupid rules.
This is a long story. I've tried to sum it up as best as I can. But it's still long. I just want one person to read this at least. Just one. I'm leaving out some details because it would take up an entire book if I were to write everything out.
Important prefaces - my dad is a mentally and emotionally abusive narcissistic control freak who has messed me up big time over the years. I also have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and dropped out of school in 10th grade due to mental issues. I'm ALSO extremely, very against porn, not for religious reasons even, I'm an atheist. I just believe that a man should be 100% loyal to his woman, and not even look at other women in any way (and vice versa). Porn/sex work is also a very fucked up industry in general. Say what you want about that, that's not what I'm here to discuss anyways. It's not up for debate. But it's integral information.
That being said, I've had a lot of mental health issues starting from a very young age, stemming from my dad's mistreatment of me and from intense bullying at school, as well as other events that have occurred throughout my life - including being raped/sexually assaulted when I was 14.
I also started being very promiscuous way too early on. I got my first computer at 8 years old and found hardcore porn, which I got addicted to. From 8 to 14 I was addicted to porn and saw myself as an object. A young girl viewing porn is a much different perspective than that of a guys. I was way too sexual for a child. Part of the reason behind this was probably the issues I had with my father being distant and emotionally unavailable. (I'm 18 now and haven't watched porn in like 3 years or so. I hate it so much). Anyways.
When I was 15, I was very alone and very vulnerable. My brother, who is 6 years older than me, felt bad. I was friendless. So he started to bring me sometimes when he would go over to his friend's house to watch UFC fights, or whatever. We'll call this friend "Bob".
Whenever I'd go with my brother to Bob's house to hang out, there would be maybe 3-5 of his friends there collectively. It wasn't just him and Bob. His friends girlfriends would sometimes come along too, so I wasn't always the only girl in the room.
Bob and all of my brother's other friends were normal and never really gave a fuck about me. In fact most of his friends just kind of disregarded me and I would sit there and watch the TV quietly and smoke weed. (I started dabbling with weed at around 14, my brother smokes it too, so do his friends. It's always just helped me cope).
But this friend, Bob, had an older brother. We'll call him Todd. Keep in mind - when I was 15, my brother and his friends were all around 21-22 years old. Bob's brother, Todd, was 24 at the time.
Well, I happened to be there one day when Todd came down to chill with everyone for the first time. He didn't always come down, because he was a loner. He saw me and it seemed like he immediately took notice of me. He knew I was young, and knew I was the sibling of one of his brother's friends.
He started paying special attention to me. I remember him asking me what my favorite music was/what kind of music I listened to. I replied that I'd been listening to a lot of Soundgarden lately. He then played a Soundgarden music video on the computer. He would smile at me and look at me a lot.
After that, I'd keep coming to hang out, and I'd see him more and more. Eventually, I asked him for his snapchat. Yes, I was the one who did that, oddly enough. I was lonely, vulnerable, and in need of attention. This older man was giving me that attention, so I latched onto it and went out of my way to get his snapchat. He didn't protest. He added me back and started chatting with me from there.
I began sending him nudes. At 15 years old. He gladly accepted them and would tell me (actual quotes) that I'm "his little treasure", that I'm "juicy", and that he's "counting down the days until I turn 16". 16 is the age of consent here in Canada. I wish it fucking wasn't. My naive self reveled in the attention he gave me. I became very attached to this guy.
A couple months passed and eventually I started sneaking out late at night to go and hang out with Todd by myself. He worked the evening shift at a factory, and ended work at 11pm. I would sneak out at around 2-3am almost every night, walk to his house which was 5 minutes away, and hang out with him until 4 or 5 in the morning. Sometimes even 6. This obviously started messing my sleep schedule up a lot.
He let me smoke his weed and always gave me some to have. He started buying me cigarettes too, since I started mixing tobacco with weed when I'd smoke bongs (I quit tobacco since then, it's been over a year).
He never made a creepy move on me when I'd come and hang out. We would always hang out in this "smoking room" in his basement. It had a lock and everything. He could have done something but he didn't. It wasn't until a few weeks of hanging out with him like that, that I asked if he wanted to kiss me at the door when I was about to go home. He said yes and had this childish look on his face, like a kid in a candy store who was super giddy. I gave him a peck on the lips and then left. Yes, he let a 15 year old walk at night alone that late.
Note that this guy was a virgin at 24. Never even kissed a girl, I don't think. Meanwhile, I had lost my virginity at 14 with a guy my age and had more experience since then. I know, I know. I wish I hadn't done it that young.
After that kiss, we decided we were dating. It became apparent to Bob, my brother's friend, that I was hanging out with his older brother Todd. Bob was weirded out and concerned by that, so he went to my brother to let him know. My brother questioned me about it, but I managed to convince him nothing was wrong and that it was ok. I don't know how. Apparently, Todd had also contacted my brother telling him that he liked me or something to that effect, and my brother just told Todd that it's "her choice whether she dates you or not".
So we started dating. Next up was to try and convince my parents that it was ok. At first, they lightly tried telling me that it wasn't a good idea. However, I never once remember them sternly trying to explain to me the intentions of this older dude or why he wasn't what he seemed to be. They just sort of... barely tried to tell me it was not a great idea, and then gave up. Nobody talked to Todd himself, nobody went to Todd's parents. Everyone was just trying to tell a mentally unstable 15 year old that this older guy "wasn't a good idea", as if I had the capacity to listen and understand that I was being groomed and taken advantage of. Which they didn't even explicitly say.
Part of why they gave up was because me, having BPD and a plethora of attachment issues and daddy issues, would have HUGE episodes if anyone tried coming between me and Todd in the slightest. To the point where I was suicidal and saying I'd kill myself if I couldn't see him.
If my parents tried telling me not to sleep over at his house or something, I would go into a rage, into a panic, into chaos. I'd scream and cry and self harm. They came to a "deal" that I was allowed to sleep over at his house only once a week, and I took it. They eventually just accepted the relationship and didn't protest anymore. I would bring him over, I'd go over to his house, and everything was... "normal". My dad even said "you know what, I actually kinda like this guy" to my mom.
Before we started dating, I made sure to express my hatred of porn to Todd, and I expressed, crystal clear, that I expect a man to be 100% loyal and keep his eyes to me. I do the same thing when in a relationship. I'm just very monogamous. He agreed and assured me that he stopped watching porn altogether for me, and that he was only looking at the photos I'd send him. He had so many nudes of me saved on his phone. I was young and naive, so naturally I bought his lies of loyalty.
Anyways - I met his parents and he met mine. I would go to family gatherings with him and meet his relatives. He met my grandma and he was there with me when my cat who I loved very much passed away.
It became so normalized. But over time it became more and more clear how dysfunctional the relationship was.
The relationship slowly morphed into more and more fights. My BPD went from being triggered around him rarely, to being triggered constantly. I had huge episodes around him where he would just ignore me, leave the room to let me suffer and panic and break down by myself, and just overall not respond properly at all. If he did try to comfort me, the effort was shallow and he gave up very quickly. Admittedly, I sometimes became so uncontrollable in my episodes that I hit him a few times during the relationship. I'm not proud of that but he would always just take it from me and the most he'd do is say, "don't hit me" in an annoyed voice.
He never learned anything. We dated for a year and a half before we broke up. Throughout that year and a half, his responses to my breakdowns remained a constant, each time, even after having serious conversations with him about my mental state and giving him advice and tips on how he should respond accordingly when I become that way. (yes I have looked into therapy. I've gone through 8+ therapists and will try again).
He never treated me like a girlfriend but rather as a friend with benefits.
The fights would never end. I would cry and beg him to change certain habits, like sleeping in way too late, smoking way too much weed and tobacco, not showing me much affection, not washing his hair. Just lazy habits that over time began to piss me off. He would ALWAYS cry with me at the end of fights promising to change and yet he wouldn't. Each time. And my weak ass couldn't leave. I was way too attached. But I was going insane.
I realized after so long that I didn't actually love him at all, and I was only with him out of fear that nobody else would want me or deal with me. He used to be an escape from my home life, he used to have me infatuated with him and obsessed with him. But he just became another problem to face. I didn't love him anymore, I don't think I ever truly did in my naive mind. He was constantly blaming me for my episodes and telling me to get help but he would be the cause of my episodes more than half the time. The entire relationship was so fucked up. I would legitimately go insane with the breakdowns I'd have, hitting my head against brick walls, pulling at my hair, screaming, crying. I experienced those episodes time and time again in part because of his actions towards me.
For example, he knew abandonment was a huge, giant, terrible fear of mine. Earlier on in the relationship, he left to a cottage trip without telling me and stayed a week while I was at home falling apart because he seemingly dropped off the face of earth and wouldn't respond to me. He refused to talk to me and only started picking up the phone at the end of his stay. That shit fucked me up. It doesn't sound that bad typed out but it was a punch to my gut.
Anyways. In June of this year, I found the proof that took the blinders off my eyes for good. I was on his phone, (in front of him, he let me go on it) and in the vault of my nudes, I found a sexual instagram text post. I immediately became suspicious and went to find instagram on his phone. It wasn't even downloaded. So I went to his browser, typed in "instagram" and it immediately came up as an often-used suggestion. Low and behold, he had made an entire fake account that he hid from me that he used SOLELY for looking at half naked IG models and pornographic stuff.
And he did all that when he had an entire vault of my own nudes. It was an encryption app called Keepsafe that requires a pass code to get in. That's where he kept all of the nudes I'd sent him, over 300 of them.
This guy was a porn addict from day 1 and hid it from me the entire time. He "used" to watch porn in VR. Pathetic.
When I found that shit, I IMMEDIATELY got up, told him to delete all my stuff off his phone, and left home. He tried yelling after me that he still loves me and I just screamed at him, bloody murder, that his ass did not love me when he was doing that shit behind my back.
After a few days I went to his house to make sure that app with my nudes on it was uninstalled off his phone. It was still on his phone, of course, so I made him uninstall it in front of me. He did. But I was still paranoid that if he reinstalled the app, the photos would come back. So I made him reinstall it to show me.
A log in screen came up. He hastily said "see, look, it's gone, it's just a log in screen now" and then quickly put his phone away and didn't let me see it again.
I am almost certain he logged back in and still has my underage nudes on his phone.
A few weeks or days after that, he hand wrote me a letter which he managed to give to my brother when he saw him hanging out with his brother Bob.
This is the letter: https://imgur.com/a/bJANVKQ
Very creepy and poorly written.
I also found out after we broke up that he made a fake account to stalk me on instagram with after I blocked him. On that account, he was following several 16 year old girls (!!!) and some dirty porn type of profiles. He was also following ALMOST EVERY ACCOUNT THAT I WAS FOLLOWING. Including my new boyfriend. When I found out about that account, which he made under a fake name, I messaged it a lengthy paragraph informing it that I knew it was him and that I have notified the police of his predatory behavior, which isn't a lie - I did, in fact, call the police and open a case on him shortly after we broke up and I realized he was a pedo, basically.
Here is the message I wrote: https://imgur.com/a/f4Y6mlR
After I sent that message, he became unhinged and started harassing me.
He made 8+ fake accounts under fake names, one after the other. He started messaging me paragraphs about how fucked up I was, comparing me to my dad, telling me I was just like him the entire time, sending me articles about "BPD abuse", writing me huge text walls filled with poison. He would go on my reddit account and stalk that too. He also viewed my LINKED IN which I haven't used in years. He would send me quotes about "narcissists ghosting their victims", implying that I was a narcissist who was merely just ghosting him.
Here are some of the messages he sent me off his fake accounts: https://imgur.com/a/fKe7OON
After this stalking and harrassment begun, I got into contact with police again and updated them on the situation. It was a lengthy process of phone calls and submitting screenshots of evidence only to be fucking useless in the end.
All this creepy motherfucker got was a phone call from an officer telling him to stop harassing me. They told him that "if he continues then his actions could cross into the realm of criminal". What was NOT criminal about everything he did to me? From dating me in the first place, to stalking and harassing me the second he knew my rejection was finalized?
The cop just closed my case after talking to him on the phone.
I want justice. I want that shit off his phone gone. I want to KNOW that he does not have my underage lewd photos anymore.
My parents and brother, after the whole ordeal, after I realized how screwed up everything was, had an "I told you so" attitude about it toward me. My brother refuses to delete Todd off his social media because "it's very awkward and I don't want to see him again at Bob's house knowing I unadded him". I will forever hate that he's even sparing this piece of shit's feelings in any way after what I went through with him.
My new partner is amazing, honest, and kind. He is only 3 years older. He has shown me what a normal, loving relationship should look like and I haven't been aggressive to him in any way like I was with my ex. I am significantly better off mentally with my current partner.
My question is: what the fuck do I do? The police didn't give a shit, even when I told them he was PREDATORY and following 16 year old girls. They didn't search his phone after I said that I'm scared he still has my underage nudes on it. So who the hell will deal with him? Everyone in my life turned a blind eye to my fucked up "relationship" with him. I can't just let this go, I cannot let this piece of perverted shit go scott free with just a fucking phone call from police. Fuck the police.
I need advice. Please. Someone. Anyone.
submitted by 15throw15away15 to Advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.27 16:51 ThrowRA15151516 Nude sleep mom

*Note: I posted this already to another sub from a different throwaway account. I had to make a new one to post on this sub because of the username rule.
This is a long story. I've tried to sum it up as best as I can. But it's still long. I just want one person to read this at least. Just one. I'm leaving out some details because it would take up an entire book if I were to write everything out.
Important prefaces - my dad is a mentally and emotionally abusive narcissistic control freak who has messed me up big time over the years. I also have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and dropped out of school in 10th grade due to mental issues. I'm ALSO extremely, very against porn, not for religious reasons even, I'm an atheist. I just believe that a man should be 100% loyal to his woman, and not even look at other women in any way (and vice versa). Porn/sex work is also a very fucked up industry in general. Say what you want about that, that's not what I'm here to discuss anyways. It's not up for debate. But it's integral information.
That being said, I've had a lot of mental health issues starting from a very young age, stemming from my dad's mistreatment of me and from intense bullying at school, as well as other events that have occurred throughout my life - including being raped/sexually assaulted when I was 14.
I also started being very promiscuous way too early on. I got my first computer at 8 years old and found hardcore porn, which I got addicted to. From 8 to 14 I was addicted to porn and saw myself as an object. A young girl viewing porn is a much different perspective than that of a guys. I was way too sexual for a child. Part of the reason behind this was probably the issues I had with my father being distant and emotionally unavailable. (I'm 18 now and haven't watched porn in like 3 years or so. I hate it so much). Anyways.
When I was 15, I was very alone and very vulnerable. My brother, who is 6 years older than me, felt bad. I was friendless. So he started to bring me sometimes when he would go over to his friend's house to watch UFC fights, or whatever. We'll call this friend "Bob".
Whenever I'd go with my brother to Bob's house to hang out, there would be maybe 3-5 of his friends there collectively. It wasn't just him and Bob. His friends girlfriends would sometimes come along too, so I wasn't always the only girl in the room.
Bob and all of my brother's other friends were normal and never really gave a fuck about me. In fact most of his friends just kind of disregarded me and I would sit there and watch the TV quietly and smoke weed. (I started dabbling with weed at around 14, my brother smokes it too, so do his friends. It's always just helped me cope).
But this friend, Bob, had an older brother. We'll call him Todd. Keep in mind - when I was 15, my brother and his friends were all around 21-22 years old. Bob's brother, Todd, was 24 at the time.
Well, I happened to be there one day when Todd came down to chill with everyone for the first time. He didn't always come down, because he was a loner. He saw me and it seemed like he immediately took notice of me. He knew I was young, and knew I was the sibling of one of his brother's friends.
He started paying special attention to me. I remember him asking me what my favorite music was/what kind of music I listened to. I replied that I'd been listening to a lot of Soundgarden lately. He then played a Soundgarden music video on the computer. He would smile at me and look at me a lot.
After that, I'd keep coming to hang out, and I'd see him more and more. Eventually, I asked him for his snapchat. Yes, I was the one who did that, oddly enough. I was lonely, vulnerable, and in need of attention. This older man was giving me that attention, so I latched onto it and went out of my way to get his snapchat. He didn't protest. He added me back and started chatting with me from there.
I began sending him nudes. At 15 years old. He gladly accepted them and would tell me (actual quotes) that I'm "his little treasure", that I'm "juicy", and that he's "counting down the days until I turn 16". 16 is the age of consent here in Canada. I wish it fucking wasn't. My naive self reveled in the attention he gave me. I became very attached to this guy.
A couple months passed and eventually I started sneaking out late at night to go and hang out with Todd by myself. He worked the evening shift at a factory, and ended work at 11pm. I would sneak out at around 2-3am almost every night, walk to his house which was 5 minutes away, and hang out with him until 4 or 5 in the morning. Sometimes even 6. This obviously started messing my sleep schedule up a lot.
He let me smoke his weed and always gave me some to have. He started buying me cigarettes too, since I started mixing tobacco with weed when I'd smoke bongs (I quit tobacco since then, it's been over a year).
He never made a creepy move on me when I'd come and hang out. We would always hang out in this "smoking room" in his basement. It had a lock and everything. He could have done something but he didn't. It wasn't until a few weeks of hanging out with him like that, that I asked if he wanted to kiss me at the door when I was about to go home. He said yes and had this childish look on his face, like a kid in a candy store who was super giddy. I gave him a peck on the lips and then left. Yes, he let a 15 year old walk at night alone that late.
Note that this guy was a virgin at 24. Never even kissed a girl, I don't think. Meanwhile, I had lost my virginity at 14 with a guy my age and had more experience since then. I know, I know. I wish I hadn't done it that young.
After that kiss, we decided we were dating. It became apparent to Bob, my brother's friend, that I was hanging out with his older brother Todd. Bob was weirded out and concerned by that, so he went to my brother to let him know. My brother questioned me about it, but I managed to convince him nothing was wrong and that it was ok. I don't know how. Apparently, Todd had also contacted my brother telling him that he liked me or something to that effect, and my brother just told Todd that it's "her choice whether she dates you or not".
So we started dating. Next up was to try and convince my parents that it was ok. At first, they lightly tried telling me that it wasn't a good idea. However, I never once remember them sternly trying to explain to me the intentions of this older dude or why he wasn't what he seemed to be. They just sort of... barely tried to tell me it was not a great idea, and then gave up. Nobody talked to Todd himself, nobody went to Todd's parents. Everyone was just trying to tell a mentally unstable 15 year old that this older guy "wasn't a good idea", as if I had the capacity to listen and understand that I was being groomed and taken advantage of. Which they didn't even explicitly say.
Part of why they gave up was because me, having BPD and a plethora of attachment issues and daddy issues, would have HUGE episodes if anyone tried coming between me and Todd in the slightest. To the point where I was suicidal and saying I'd kill myself if I couldn't see him.
If my parents tried telling me not to sleep over at his house or something, I would go into a rage, into a panic, into chaos. I'd scream and cry and self harm. They came to a "deal" that I was allowed to sleep over at his house only once a week, and I took it. They eventually just accepted the relationship and didn't protest anymore. I would bring him over, I'd go over to his house, and everything was... "normal". My dad even said "you know what, I actually kinda like this guy" to my mom.
Before we started dating, I made sure to express my hatred of porn to Todd, and I expressed, crystal clear, that I expect a man to be 100% loyal and keep his eyes to me. I do the same thing when in a relationship. I'm just very monogamous. He agreed and assured me that he stopped watching porn altogether for me, and that he was only looking at the photos I'd send him. He had so many nudes of me saved on his phone. I was young and naive, so naturally I bought his lies of loyalty.
Anyways - I met his parents and he met mine. I would go to family gatherings with him and meet his relatives. He met my grandma and he was there with me when my cat who I loved very much passed away.
It became so normalized. But over time it became more and more clear how dysfunctional the relationship was.
The relationship slowly morphed into more and more fights. My BPD went from being triggered around him rarely, to being triggered constantly. I had huge episodes around him where he would just ignore me, leave the room to let me suffer and panic and break down by myself, and just overall not respond properly at all. If he did try to comfort me, the effort was shallow and he gave up very quickly. Admittedly, I sometimes became so uncontrollable in my episodes that I hit him a few times during the relationship. I'm not proud of that but he would always just take it from me and the most he'd do is say, "don't hit me" in an annoyed voice.
He never learned anything. We dated for a year and a half before we broke up. Throughout that year and a half, his responses to my breakdowns remained a constant, each time, even after having serious conversations with him about my mental state and giving him advice and tips on how he should respond accordingly when I become that way. (yes I have looked into therapy. I've gone through 8+ therapists and will try again).
He never treated me like a girlfriend but rather as a friend with benefits.
The fights would never end. I would cry and beg him to change certain habits, like sleeping in way too late, smoking way too much weed and tobacco, not showing me much affection, not washing his hair. Just lazy habits that over time began to piss me off. He would ALWAYS cry with me at the end of fights promising to change and yet he wouldn't. Each time. And my weak ass couldn't leave. I was way too attached. But I was going insane.
I realized after so long that I didn't actually love him at all, and I was only with him out of fear that nobody else would want me or deal with me. He used to be an escape from my home life, he used to have me infatuated with him and obsessed with him. But he just became another problem to face. I didn't love him anymore, I don't think I ever truly did in my naive mind. He was constantly blaming me for my episodes and telling me to get help but he would be the cause of my episodes more than half the time. The entire relationship was so fucked up. I would legitimately go insane with the breakdowns I'd have, hitting my head against brick walls, pulling at my hair, screaming, crying. I experienced those episodes time and time again in part because of his actions towards me.
For example, he knew abandonment was a huge, giant, terrible fear of mine. Earlier on in the relationship, he left to a cottage trip without telling me and stayed a week while I was at home falling apart because he seemingly dropped off the face of earth and wouldn't respond to me. He refused to talk to me and only started picking up the phone at the end of his stay. That shit fucked me up. It doesn't sound that bad typed out but it was a punch to my gut.
Anyways. In June of this year, I found the proof that took the blinders off my eyes for good. I was on his phone, (in front of him, he let me go on it) and in the vault of my nudes, I found a sexual instagram text post. I immediately became suspicious and went to find instagram on his phone. It wasn't even downloaded. So I went to his browser, typed in "instagram" and it immediately came up as an often-used suggestion. Low and behold, he had made an entire fake account that he hid from me that he used SOLELY for looking at half naked IG models and pornographic stuff.
And he did all that when he had an entire vault of my own nudes. It was an encryption app called Keepsafe that requires a pass code to get in. That's where he kept all of the nudes I'd sent him, over 300 of them.
This guy was a porn addict from day 1 and hid it from me the entire time. He "used" to watch porn in VR. Pathetic.
When I found that shit, I IMMEDIATELY got up, told him to delete all my stuff off his phone, and left home. He tried yelling after me that he still loves me and I just screamed at him, bloody murder, that his ass did not love me when he was doing that shit behind my back.
After a few days I went to his house to make sure that app with my nudes on it was uninstalled off his phone. It was still on his phone, of course, so I made him uninstall it in front of me. He did. But I was still paranoid that if he reinstalled the app, the photos would come back. So I made him reinstall it to show me.
A log in screen came up. He hastily said "see, look, it's gone, it's just a log in screen now" and then quickly put his phone away and didn't let me see it again.
I am almost certain he logged back in and still has my underage nudes on his phone.
A few weeks or days after that, he hand wrote me a letter which he managed to give to my brother when he saw him hanging out with his brother Bob.
This is the letter: https://imgur.com/a/bJANVKQ
Very creepy and poorly written.
I also found out after we broke up that he made a fake account to stalk me on instagram with after I blocked him. On that account, he was following several 16 year old girls (!!!) and some dirty porn type of profiles. He was also following ALMOST EVERY ACCOUNT THAT I WAS FOLLOWING. Including my new boyfriend. When I found out about that account, which he made under a fake name, I messaged it a lengthy paragraph informing it that I knew it was him and that I have notified the police of his predatory behavior, which isn't a lie - I did, in fact, call the police and open a case on him shortly after we broke up and I realized he was a pedo, basically.
Here is the message I wrote: https://imgur.com/a/f4Y6mlR
After I sent that message, he became unhinged and started harassing me.
He made 8+ fake accounts under fake names, one after the other. He started messaging me paragraphs about how fucked up I was, comparing me to my dad, telling me I was just like him the entire time, sending me articles about "BPD abuse", writing me huge text walls filled with poison. He would go on my reddit account and stalk that too. He also viewed my LINKED IN which I haven't used in years. He would send me quotes about "narcissists ghosting their victims", implying that I was a narcissist who was merely just ghosting him.
Here are some of the messages he sent me off his fake accounts: https://imgur.com/a/fKe7OON
After this stalking and harrassment begun, I got into contact with police again and updated them on the situation. It was a lengthy process of phone calls and submitting screenshots of evidence only to be fucking useless in the end.
All this creepy motherfucker got was a phone call from an officer telling him to stop harassing me. They told him that "if he continues then his actions could cross into the realm of criminal". What was NOT criminal about everything he did to me? From dating me in the first place, to stalking and harassing me the second he knew my rejection was finalized?
The cop just closed my case after talking to him on the phone.
I want justice. I want that shit off his phone gone. I want to KNOW that he does not have my underage lewd photos anymore.
My parents and brother, after the whole ordeal, after I realized how screwed up everything was, had an "I told you so" attitude about it toward me. My brother refuses to delete Todd off his social media because "it's very awkward and I don't want to see him again at Bob's house knowing I unadded him". I will forever hate that he's even sparing this piece of shit's feelings in any way after what I went through with him.
My new partner is amazing, honest, and kind. He is only 3 years older. He has shown me what a normal, loving relationship should look like and I haven't been aggressive to him in any way like I was with my ex. I am significantly better off mentally with my current partner.
My question is: what the fuck do I do? The police didn't give a shit, even when I told them he was PREDATORY and following 16 year old girls. They didn't search his phone after I said that I'm scared he still has my underage nudes on it. So who the hell will deal with him? Everyone in my life turned a blind eye to my fucked up "relationship" with him. I can't just let this go, I cannot let this piece of perverted shit go scott free with just a fucking phone call from police. Fuck the police.
I need advice. Please. Someone. Anyone.
submitted by ThrowRA15151516 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.27 16:40 15throw15away15 Nude sleep mom

This is a long story. I've tried to sum it up as best as I can. But it's still long. I just want one person to read this at least. Just one. I'm leaving out some details because it would take up an entire book if I were to write everything out.
Important prefaces - my dad is a mentally and emotionally abusive narcissistic control freak who has messed me up big time over the years. I also have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and dropped out of school in 10th grade due to mental issues. I'm ALSO extremely, very against porn, not for religious reasons even, I'm an atheist. I just believe that a man should be 100% loyal to his woman, and not even look at other women in any way (and vice versa). Porn/sex work is also a very fucked up industry in general. Say what you want about that, that's not what I'm here to discuss anyways. It's not up for debate. But it's integral information.
That being said, I've had a lot of mental health issues starting from a very young age, stemming from my dad's mistreatment of me and from intense bullying at school, as well as other events that have occurred throughout my life - including being raped/sexually assaulted when I was 14.
I also started being very promiscuous way too early on. I got my first computer at 8 years old and found hardcore porn, which I got addicted to. From 8 to 14 I was addicted to porn and saw myself as an object. A young girl viewing porn is a much different perspective than that of a guys. I was way too sexual for a child. Part of the reason behind this was probably the issues I had with my father being distant and emotionally unavailable. (I'm 18 now and haven't watched porn in like 3 years or so. I hate it so much). Anyways.
When I was 15, I was very alone and very vulnerable. My brother, who is 6 years older than me, felt bad. I was friendless. So he started to bring me sometimes when he would go over to his friend's house to watch UFC fights, or whatever. We'll call this friend "Bob".
Whenever I'd go with my brother to Bob's house to hang out, there would be maybe 3-5 of his friends there collectively. It wasn't just him and Bob. His friends girlfriends would sometimes come along too, so I wasn't always the only girl in the room.
Bob and all of my brother's other friends were normal and never really gave a fuck about me. In fact most of his friends just kind of disregarded me and I would sit there and watch the TV quietly and smoke weed. (I started dabbling with weed at around 14, my brother smokes it too, so do his friends. It's always just helped me cope).
But this friend, Bob, had an older brother. We'll call him Todd. Keep in mind - when I was 15, my brother and his friends were all around 21-22 years old. Bob's brother, Todd, was 24 at the time.
Well, I happened to be there one day when Todd came down to chill with everyone for the first time. He didn't always come down, because he was a loner. He saw me and it seemed like he immediately took notice of me. He knew I was young, and knew I was the sibling of one of his brother's friends.
He started paying special attention to me. I remember him asking me what my favorite music was/what kind of music I listened to. I replied that I'd been listening to a lot of Soundgarden lately. He then played a Soundgarden music video on the computer. He would smile at me and look at me a lot.
After that, I'd keep coming to hang out, and I'd see him more and more. Eventually, I asked him for his snapchat. Yes, I was the one who did that, oddly enough. I was lonely, vulnerable, and in need of attention. This older man was giving me that attention, so I latched onto it and went out of my way to get his snapchat. He didn't protest. He added me back and started chatting with me from there.
I began sending him nudes. At 15 years old. He gladly accepted them and would tell me (actual quotes) that I'm "his little treasure", that I'm "juicy", and that he's "counting down the days until I turn 16". 16 is the age of consent here in Canada. I wish it fucking wasn't. My naive self reveled in the attention he gave me. I became very attached to this guy.
A couple months passed and eventually I started sneaking out late at night to go and hang out with Todd by myself. He worked the evening shift at a factory, and ended work at 11pm. I would sneak out at around 2-3am almost every night, walk to his house which was 5 minutes away, and hang out with him until 4 or 5 in the morning. Sometimes even 6. This obviously started messing my sleep schedule up a lot.
He let me smoke his weed and always gave me some to have. He started buying me cigarettes too, since I started mixing tobacco with weed when I'd smoke bongs (I quit tobacco since then, it's been over a year).
He never made a creepy move on me when I'd come and hang out. We would always hang out in this "smoking room" in his basement. It had a lock and everything. He could have done something but he didn't. It wasn't until a few weeks of hanging out with him like that, that I asked if he wanted to kiss me at the door when I was about to go home. He said yes and had this childish look on his face, like a kid in a candy store who was super giddy. I gave him a peck on the lips and then left. Yes, he let a 15 year old walk at night alone that late.
Note that this guy was a virgin at 24. Never even kissed a girl, I don't think. Meanwhile, I had lost my virginity at 14 with a guy my age and had more experience since then. I know, I know. I wish I hadn't done it that young.
After that kiss, we decided we were dating. It became apparent to Bob, my brother's friend, that I was hanging out with his older brother Todd. Bob was weirded out and concerned by that, so he went to my brother to let him know. My brother questioned me about it, but I managed to convince him nothing was wrong and that it was ok. I don't know how. Apparently, Todd had also contacted my brother telling him that he liked me or something to that effect, and my brother just told Todd that it's "her choice whether she dates you or not".
So we started dating. Next up was to try and convince my parents that it was ok. At first, they lightly tried telling me that it wasn't a good idea. However, I never once remember them sternly trying to explain to me the intentions of this older dude or why he wasn't what he seemed to be. They just sort of... barely tried to tell me it was not a great idea, and then gave up. Nobody talked to Todd himself, nobody went to Todd's parents. Everyone was just trying to tell a mentally unstable 15 year old that this older guy "wasn't a good idea", as if I had the capacity to listen and understand that I was being groomed and taken advantage of. Which they didn't even explicitly say.
Part of why they gave up was because me, having BPD and a plethora of attachment issues and daddy issues, would have HUGE episodes if anyone tried coming between me and Todd in the slightest. To the point where I was suicidal and saying I'd kill myself if I couldn't see him.
If my parents tried telling me not to sleep over at his house or something, I would go into a rage, into a panic, into chaos. I'd scream and cry and self harm. They came to a "deal" that I was allowed to sleep over at his house only once a week, and I took it. They eventually just accepted the relationship and didn't protest anymore. I would bring him over, I'd go over to his house, and everything was... "normal". My dad even said "you know what, I actually kinda like this guy" to my mom.
Before we started dating, I made sure to express my hatred of porn to Todd, and I expressed, crystal clear, that I expect a man to be 100% loyal and keep his eyes to me. I do the same thing when in a relationship. I'm just very monogamous. He agreed and assured me that he stopped watching porn altogether for me, and that he was only looking at the photos I'd send him. He had so many nudes of me saved on his phone. I was young and naive, so naturally I bought his lies of loyalty.
Anyways - I met his parents and he met mine. I would go to family gatherings with him and meet his relatives. He met my grandma and he was there with me when my cat who I loved very much passed away.
It became so normalized. But over time it became more and more clear how dysfunctional the relationship was.
The relationship slowly morphed into more and more fights. My BPD went from being triggered around him rarely, to being triggered constantly. I had huge episodes around him where he would just ignore me, leave the room to let me suffer and panic and break down by myself, and just overall not respond properly at all. If he did try to comfort me, the effort was shallow and he gave up very quickly. Admittedly, I sometimes became so uncontrollable in my episodes that I hit him a few times during the relationship. I'm not proud of that but he would always just take it from me and the most he'd do is say, "don't hit me" in an annoyed voice.
He never learned anything. We dated for a year and a half before we broke up. Throughout that year and a half, his responses to my breakdowns remained a constant, each time, even after having serious conversations with him about my mental state and giving him advice and tips on how he should respond accordingly when I become that way. (yes I have looked into therapy. I've gone through 8+ therapists and will try again).
He never treated me like a girlfriend but rather as a friend with benefits.
The fights would never end. I would cry and beg him to change certain habits, like sleeping in way too late, smoking way too much weed and tobacco, not showing me much affection, not washing his hair. Just lazy habits that over time began to piss me off. He would ALWAYS cry with me at the end of fights promising to change and yet he wouldn't. Each time. And my weak ass couldn't leave. I was way too attached. But I was going insane.
I realized after so long that I didn't actually love him at all, and I was only with him out of fear that nobody else would want me or deal with me. He used to be an escape from my home life, he used to have me infatuated with him and obsessed with him. But he just became another problem to face. I didn't love him anymore, I don't think I ever truly did in my naive mind. He was constantly blaming me for my episodes and telling me to get help but he would be the cause of my episodes more than half the time. The entire relationship was so fucked up. I would legitimately go insane with the breakdowns I'd have, hitting my head against brick walls, pulling at my hair, screaming, crying. I experienced those episodes time and time again in part because of his actions towards me.
For example, he knew abandonment was a huge, giant, terrible fear of mine. Earlier on in the relationship, he left to a cottage trip without telling me and stayed a week while I was at home falling apart because he seemingly dropped off the face of earth and wouldn't respond to me. He refused to talk to me and only started picking up the phone at the end of his stay. That shit fucked me up. It doesn't sound that bad typed out but it was a punch to my gut.
Anyways. In June of this year, I found the proof that took the blinders off my eyes for good. I was on his phone, (in front of him, he let me go on it) and in the vault of my nudes, I found a sexual instagram text post. I immediately became suspicious and went to find instagram on his phone. It wasn't even downloaded. So I went to his browser, typed in "instagram" and it immediately came up as an often-used suggestion. Low and behold, he had made an entire fake account that he hid from me that he used SOLELY for looking at half naked IG models and pornographic stuff.
And he did all that when he had an entire vault of my own nudes. It was an encryption app called Keepsafe that requires a pass code to get in. That's where he kept all of the nudes I'd sent him, over 300 of them.
This guy was a porn addict from day 1 and hid it from me the entire time. He "used" to watch porn in VR. Pathetic.
When I found that shit, I IMMEDIATELY got up, told him to delete all my stuff off his phone, and left home. He tried yelling after me that he still loves me and I just screamed at him, bloody murder, that his ass did not love me when he was doing that shit behind my back.
After a few days I went to his house to make sure that app with my nudes on it was uninstalled off his phone. It was still on his phone, of course, so I made him uninstall it in front of me. He did. But I was still paranoid that if he reinstalled the app, the photos would come back. So I made him reinstall it to show me.
A log in screen came up. He hastily said "see, look, it's gone, it's just a log in screen now" and then quickly put his phone away and didn't let me see it again.
I am almost certain he logged back in and still has my underage nudes on his phone.
A few weeks or days after that, he hand wrote me a letter which he managed to give to my brother when he saw him hanging out with his brother Bob.
This is the letter: https://imgur.com/a/bJANVKQ
Very creepy and poorly written.
I also found out after we broke up that he made a fake account to stalk me on instagram with after I blocked him. On that account, he was following several 16 year old girls (!!!) and some dirty porn type of profiles. He was also following ALMOST EVERY ACCOUNT THAT I WAS FOLLOWING. Including my new boyfriend. When I found out about that account, which he made under a fake name, I messaged it a lengthy paragraph informing it that I knew it was him and that I have notified the police of his predatory behavior, which isn't a lie - I did, in fact, call the police and open a case on him shortly after we broke up and I realized he was a pedo, basically.
Here is the message I wrote: https://imgur.com/a/f4Y6mlR
After I sent that message, he became unhinged and started harassing me.
He made 8+ fake accounts under fake names, one after the other. He started messaging me paragraphs about how fucked up I was, comparing me to my dad, telling me I was just like him the entire time, sending me articles about "BPD abuse", writing me huge text walls filled with poison. He would go on my reddit account and stalk that too. He also viewed my LINKED IN which I haven't used in years. He would send me quotes about "narcissists ghosting their victims", implying that I was a narcissist who was merely just ghosting him.
Here are some of the messages he sent me off his fake accounts: https://imgur.com/a/fKe7OON
After this stalking and harrassment begun, I got into contact with police again and updated them on the situation. It was a lengthy process of phone calls and submitting screenshots of evidence only to be fucking useless in the end.
All this creepy motherfucker got was a phone call from an officer telling him to stop harassing me. They told him that "if he continues then his actions could cross into the realm of criminal". What was NOT criminal about everything he did to me? From dating me in the first place, to stalking and harassing me the second he knew my rejection was finalized?
The cop just closed my case after talking to him on the phone.
I want justice. I want that shit off his phone gone. I want to KNOW that he does not have my underage lewd photos anymore.
My parents and brother, after the whole ordeal, after I realized how screwed up everything was, had an "I told you so" attitude about it toward me. My brother refuses to delete Todd off his social media because "it's very awkward and I don't want to see him again at Bob's house knowing I unadded him". I will forever hate that he's even sparing this piece of shit's feelings in any way after what I went through with him.
My new partner is amazing, honest, and kind. He is only 3 years older. He has shown me what a normal, loving relationship should look like and I haven't been aggressive to him in any way like I was with my ex. I am significantly better off mentally with my current partner.
My question is: what the fuck do I do? The police didn't give a shit, even when I told them he was PREDATORY and following 16 year old girls. They didn't search his phone after I said that I'm scared he still has my underage nudes on it. So who the hell will deal with him? Everyone in my life turned a blind eye to my fucked up "relationship" with him. I can't just let this go, I cannot let this piece of perverted shit go scott free with just a fucking phone call from police. Fuck the police.
I need advice. Please. Someone. Anyone.
submitted by 15throw15away15 to TwoXChromosomes [link] [comments]


2020.10.27 01:55 subreddit_stats Nude mom sleep

Period: 147.95 days
Submissions Comments
Total 956 76236
Rate (per day) 6.46 513.73
Unique Redditors 579 23347
Combined Score 2061549 1679173
Top Submitters' Top Submissions

  1. 85755 points, 1 submission: nixtxt
    1. NYPD drives around Harlem with their sirens on at 3am so people can't sleep. (85755 points, 5534 comments)
  2. 48417 points, 2 submissions: Defenestration_Diety
    1. Miami Police Officer charged after video emerges showing him kneeling on a pregnant womans neck, tasing her in the stomach twice. She miscarried shortly after. Officer lied in his report and fabricated events that never occured, charging her with Battery on an Officer and Felony Resisting. (48019 points, 1841 comments)
    2. California: Vallejo police kill unarmed 22-year-old, who was on his knees with his hands up (398 points, 18 comments)
  3. 41750 points, 11 submissions: princesshabibi
    1. Tulsa last night (12657 points, 635 comments)
    2. 87 people charged with felonies after Breonna Taylor protest at attorney general's house (9188 points, 352 comments)
    3. Sigh 😔 It’s still happening. (7324 points, 467 comments)
    4. Breonna Taylor’s Family Claims She Was Alive After Shooting but Given No Aid (4786 points, 123 comments)
    5. If you aren’t in LA you may not have heard of the case of Andrés Guardado, shot in the back for the crime of running from police. Today his family and friends were tear gassed while calling for justice. (3747 points, 108 comments)
    6. Shackles and filth: Hysterectomies are only part of a 'horror show' at a Georgia detention site, lawmakers find (1794 points, 64 comments)
    7. Deputies kill half-brother of black man found hanged in park after they say he opened fire (550 points, 35 comments)
    8. If they lose the license, they can’t just go to the next town over. (527 points, 9 comments)
    9. The Taxpayers, Not the Police, Will Pay Breonna Taylor’s Family $12 Million (512 points, 18 comments)
    10. Police In The U.S. Have Killed More Than 164 Black Citizens In 2020 (382 points, 25 comments)
  4. 41395 points, 1 submission: mal_solor
    1. Despite having a ticket to the event, Sheila Buck, a Tulsa resident, was arrested for wearing an “I can’t breathe” shirt. She was charged for trespassing despite having a ticket to the event. The Tulsa police have become a Trump’s personal lackeys. (41395 points, 1358 comments)
  5. 40716 points, 10 submissions: DankNerd97
    1. DC pigs when they think the cameras aren’t watching (12415 points, 465 comments)
    2. PSA: Police are now using more Geneva Banned Weapons, Please Make Sure Everyone Knows So They Don't End Up Deaf (10323 points, 633 comments)
    3. NYPD officers “sadistically” beat peaceful marchers protesting police brutality and the death of George Floyd during a city-approved “frenzy of organized violence” that left multiple people seriously injured, says a lawsuit filed Wednesday. (7050 points, 74 comments)
    4. Black Lives Matter Activist Hospitalized After Police Seen Kneeling On Her Neck (4507 points, 181 comments)
    5. Black man shot multiple times by Wisconsin police; video of incident sparks social media backlash, protests (2906 points, 226 comments)
    6. Newly released body cam footage of an Alameda County sheriff’s deputy who lied about being pushed first by the president of the Toronto Raptors (1664 points, 55 comments)
    7. Army sergeant says he's the one who shot a protester to death in Austin (1037 points, 89 comments)
    8. Police union will not ID officer in Australian TV crew attack (358 points, 23 comments)
    9. Louisville cop Brett Hankison fired for his role in Breonna Taylor fatal shooting (236 points, 26 comments)
    10. Rochester mayor suspends officers involved in Daniel Prude's death (220 points, 14 comments)
  6. 38052 points, 1 submission: jpardue20
    1. We found 85,000 cops who’ve been investigated for misconduct. Now you can read their records... a few bad apples? Seems like the whole orchard is rotten (38052 points, 826 comments)
  7. 34998 points, 12 submissions: teutonicnight99
    1. Portland “police” caught shouting “LEAVE NO EVIDENCE BEHIND” as they pick ammunition rounds up from the ground. Earlier in the protests, police were seen picking up tear gas canisters to hide how much they have been gassing protestors. (9565 points, 209 comments)
    2. A scene straight out of a dystopian movie from the Portland protests. Federal officers advance as they shoot at and gas protestors. (8630 points, 350 comments)
    3. What the fuck is wrong with the police officers in the US? (7086 points, 522 comments)
    4. A Navy vet asked federal officers in Portland to remember their oaths. Then they broke his hand. (6920 points, 204 comments)
    5. 'I can't breathe,' Oklahoma man tells police before dying. 'I don't care,' officer responds. (417 points, 8 comments)
    6. The Cop Who Quit Instead of Helping to Gentrify Atlanta: “It dawned on me that the entire system, the entire thing, was just a shitty mafia system.” (392 points, 9 comments)
    7. Policeman in Oregon flashing a white power sign at a Proud Boy (389 points, 90 comments)
    8. Unreleased Footage Gives an Inside Look At the Night Breonna Taylor Died (384 points, 49 comments)
    9. The Supreme Court invented qualified immunity. Now, a judge’s blistering opinion shows why it must go. (338 points, 7 comments)
    10. Sorry to Interrupt Your Friday, but Homeland Security is Disappearing American Citizens Off the Street | Law and Order, but Minus the Law. (311 points, 5 comments)
  8. 34873 points, 3 submissions: Gplock
    1. Here is a video of them slashing the tires. My hard earned money goes to these idiots (30110 points, 1098 comments)
    2. Y’all seen this right? It’s a great edit (4541 points, 141 comments)
    3. So sad (222 points, 32 comments)
  9. 34123 points, 24 submissions: Kujo17
    1. Yesterday NYPD literally chased protestors down in the streets, kettles them and violently arrested approximately 26 protestors. This is them attacking and arresting a minor for attempting to cross the street, on the way to a protest against ICE facilities (5830 points, 257 comments)
    2. Police in Richmond Virginia attacked the crowd again tonight as they have almost every night this week. You can hear one officer say "Grab somebody, get ahold of somebody" right before grabbing a random civilian standing there. They purposefully are inciting unrest- tonight was a full on Police Riot (5343 points, 158 comments)
    3. In Portland, OR last night- A Protest march formed eventually ending up at the Portland ICE building where they were met with "extreme force" from both PPD and DHS/Feds. Hours of tear gas, pepper bullets, & stun grenades launched at the crowd, many arrests have been reported. (4486 points, 261 comments)
    4. [Portland, OR] Portland Police violently make blanket mass- arrests only minutes after Saturday protest starts, "unlawful assembly" was never declared. (10/10/20) (3741 points, 173 comments)
    5. [Portland, Or] Federal officers have been attacking protesters again tonight. They shoot chemical weapons and impact munitions at protesters doing nothing but walking down the street saying the names of people killed by police. A woman on the megaphone implores people to film and share the video. (2515 points, 65 comments)
    6. [Social Media] @WyattReed13 " BREAKING: Washingtom DC Cops just smashed the windows out on the BLM van and arrested the occupants—right after clearing Black Lives Matter Plaza with gas + rubber-coated steel bullets, leaving multiple protesters serious injured" (2068 points, 114 comments)
    7. Federal Agents used toxic chemical smoke grenades and several different chemical dispersant gasses , some even expired, in Portland; Portland protesters report severe and lasting side effects from the chemical weapons used during Trump’s “Operation Diligent Valor.” (1661 points, 26 comments)
    8. Protest from east Portland, Or- on 9/7- after once again attacking the crowd police chase down people while heckling them. This police officer tells a protestor they're “hiding behind the press like a coward” (1052 points, 75 comments)
    9. Roderick Walker, who was beaten by Georgia Sheriff's deputies, says he 'feared for his life'. Walker, along with his family who were also present, was a paying customepassenger of a ride share vehicle and was brutally assaulted after the vehicle was stopped for a broken taillight (1041 points, 37 comments)
    10. [Los Angeles, CA] In response to celebrations by LA Laker's fans last night, huge numbers of police were deployed in an attempt to clear the crowds. In this clip an LAPD officer pushes a young man to the ground-clearly knocking him unconscious- then ignore that it even happened. (10/11/20) (777 points, 51 comments)
  10. 31047 points, 12 submissions: bbb33aaannn
    1. 6/14 Fort Wayne, IN Swat comes in to break up a small gathering for “illegal assembly” (13137 points, 1019 comments)
    2. Police block off sidewalks and start shooting at Protesters in San Diego (6955 points, 345 comments)
    3. 6/22 Compton, Ca Protestors chanting put your gun down meet with fire from non lethal weapons (2796 points, 198 comments)
    4. Chicago PD parks in front of a home where people standing on their property and sounds a siren (2499 points, 164 comments)
    5. Hospitalized Marine Corps veteran shot with rubber bullets by police at protest, ‘I had my hands up’ -May 30th, Fairfax District in Los Angels (1147 points, 59 comments)
    6. Bradford, OH 6/10 Three officers arrest a women for allegedly cursing as she walks and let her go when another citizen intervenes (1133 points, 130 comments)
    7. Huntsville, AL Woman documents herself struggling to leave after being shot 5 times while police yell at her to move faster (879 points, 46 comments)
    8. 6/6/20 Chapman Square, Portland, OR 1:00am Non violent protesters complying with officers attacked (653 points, 43 comments)
    9. Aurora CO During a vigil with live violinists for Elijah McClain at a park (545 points, 99 comments)
    10. Raleigh, NC- Flash bangs are fired at the owner of a bar named Ruby’s Deluxe where medics stationed also themselves (543 points, 35 comments)
  11. 30618 points, 5 submissions: ApartheidReddit
    1. The LAPD in a perfect display of systemic racism (20210 points, 548 comments)
    2. Several cops surrounded a Black man and fatally shot him in Lafayette, LA. He allegedly had a knife and was walking away from police when police shot him over ten times. (6686 points, 499 comments)
    3. Austin surgeons shocked by injuries protesters sustained by bean bag rounds (2987 points, 132 comments)
    4. This is Leslie Furcron, a grandmother shot in the face with a less-lethal munition during a BLM protest last month by La Mesa, CA police office Eric Knudson. She has lost her vision in one eye and now needs nursing assistance. (468 points, 10 comments)
    5. Riot Kitchen HQ just learned that our bus crew was arrested in broad daylight in #Kenosha today - kidnapped by feds in unmarked vans. We are currently trying to find our friends who were just there to feed people. [Video] (267 points, 6 comments)
  12. 30371 points, 1 submission: lickmydick609
    1. Cop who ‘threatened to shoot protesters through door of his home’ accidentally kills fellow police officer (30371 points, 1137 comments)
  13. 29501 points, 5 submissions: Diver_Driver
    1. Aurora Police Interrupt and Teargas Peaceful Violin Vigil to Honor Elijah McClain (15758 points, 503 comments)
    2. Off-duty officer in Trump hat relieved of official duties for threatening man in viral video (11056 points, 450 comments)
    3. ‘Please Don’t Let Me Die Back Here’: Aurora Police Video Released Of Woman Cuffed, Hogtied In Back Of Patrol Car (2186 points, 73 comments)
    4. SC Cop suspended after using racial slur. "I cant use it?!" (264 points, 23 comments)
    5. Buffalo Police Lieutenant Suspended After Caught On Camera Calling Bystander a "disrespectful little fing c" (237 points, 26 comments)
  14. 28466 points, 2 submissions: tokenblackguy90
    1. Police in Grand Rapids, Michigan spray a man directly in his face with pepper spray. ⁣ As he turns around, blinded, they fire a tear gas canister directly at his face from close range. ⁣ (26173 points, 1496 comments)
    2. Kenosha Wisconsin on 40th Nd 28th Ave 8/23/2020 (2293 points, 466 comments)
  15. 26732 points, 6 submissions: LazyDirector
    1. Last night, LAPD trapped protesters in a tunnel on both sides and shot them endlessly, without a dispersal order or an escape route offered. This video shows a citizen journalist being shot point blank with a shotgun even though he has his hands up. (9233 points, 622 comments)
    2. Cops assaulting BLM protesters, including a man in a wheelchair. This happened yesterday in Downtown Los Angeles. One of the people injured in by police even had a seizure. Meanwhile, complicit media reported the arrested individuals (including the wheelchair guy) ATTACKED LAPD. (9119 points, 692 comments)
    3. Police in Los Angeles County have been attacking the Free Press for two months. LAPD Is even on camera falsely claiming “there is no press corps.” Journalists in Los Angeles have been beaten, shot at, hospitalized, traumatized, antagonized, gassed, and almost run over. (4297 points, 132 comments)
    4. Things are heating up in LA. Sheriffs gassed, flashbanged, and unloaded less lethal rounds at protesters. No damaged property or anything like that. One protester was shot directly in the eye. (3581 points, 224 comments)
    5. LAPD stand-off with protesters during a Portland Solidarity march on 7/25. One officer completely loses his cool and opens fire on unarmed protesters, using his shotgun at point blank range. This guy doesn’t have the composure for this job. (293 points, 83 comments)
    6. Montage of increased violence in Los Angeles JUST this past week. This has been the most violent week against protesters since the beginning around George Floyd’s death. Tear gas, white supremacists working with cops, a trap in a tunnel, unprovoked shooting... its been chaos (209 points, 7 comments)
  16. 24052 points, 2 submissions: ItsJustATux
    1. Lyft Driver Pulled Over for Busted Tail Light, Black Passenger is Beaten and Choked Unconscious. (23807 points, 1741 comments)
    2. LAPD Force Woman From Her Home Totally Nude Because Her Brother Has A Warrant (245 points, 17 comments)
  17. 23621 points, 3 submissions: goldsrcmasterrace
    1. Elderly man pushed to the ground by police. Knocked unconscious and bleeding from ear. Police keep marching. (16216 points, 646 comments)
    2. “Seattle PD dragging mother out of her car while her 9 year old is in the backseat. Officer tells her she has “multiple counts of assaulting an officer. You assaulted me and you assaulted another officer” at a protest couple days ago. Cops are seeking revenge on protestors.” (7023 points, 519 comments)
    3. NYPD attacking people on their way home (382 points, 6 comments)
  18. 22885 points, 2 submissions: perpetually_unsynced
    1. An unarmed member of the press was dragged through the street by the LAPD, who wouldn’t render him aid, despite his cries of pain. (12068 points, 594 comments)
    2. Breonna Taylor’s ex was offered a plea deal to say she was part of a ‘crime syndicate,’ family’s attorney says (10817 points, 206 comments)
  19. 22283 points, 17 submissions: Hyasfuq
    1. This is sad BLM (6601 points, 209 comments)
    2. PLEASE LET OTHERS SEE THIS: This guy did not flinch, move, cry, or gasp. Austin, TX. In front of APD. Judging by the boots probably former Marine (3035 points, 134 comments)
    3. Cops Pepper Sprayed THEIR OWN Senator Without Realizing he's an Authority Figure (2770 points, 58 comments)
    4. Seattle cop driving an unmarked car on the sidewalk and calling protesters cockroaches (2194 points, 100 comments)
    5. I-Team: Evans Police have history of brutality allegations, settlements (1007 points, 27 comments)
    6. Clayton County Deputy Fired For Holding Gun Under Chin Of Arrestee (1006 points, 36 comments)
    7. The Breonna Taylor juror's statement is very damning: Roberto Aram Ferdman on Twitter (973 points, 53 comments)
    8. Couple celebrating birthday beaten, Tased by California police (742 points, 67 comments)
    9. Undercover police officer preparing to cause a riot (739 points, 46 comments)
    10. Colorado Springs Officer Keith Wrede Used Fake Name To Post Comments About Protesters: 'Kill Them All' (651 points, 25 comments)
  20. 21759 points, 4 submissions: NoTrickWick
    1. Cops dox city council member leading to home being burgled and neighbor raped. (18901 points, 746 comments)
    2. These protests took place on June 2nd in Dallas, Texas. This is utterly disgusting to watch. Peaceful protests turn violent by the actions taken by the police. If you are protesting anywhere around the world, please stay safe and keep fighting. (1332 points, 71 comments)
    3. Police vehicle encounters protestors blocking traffic, calls police dispatch. Police dispatch: "Run them over. Shoot those mother fuckers." Officer responded, "dont put that over the air." (848 points, 32 comments)
    4. Louisville police showing off their oppression (678 points, 83 comments)
  21. 20823 points, 9 submissions: Projectrage
    1. Cops intentionally not stopping right wing extremists with guns. OPB: Man who pulled gun at Portland protest returns armed at Gresham event (6460 points, 241 comments)
    2. Police charge after dispersing protesters and shove a woman to the ground for no reason. (6316 points, 201 comments)
    3. Two DHS Officials Just Admitted Their Troops Have Been Violating the Constitution (3418 points, 96 comments)
    4. Portland police officer drives motorcycle into protester at Friday night demonstration (2260 points, 118 comments)
    5. Federal judge warned DHS would lose immunity if targeting a journalist. They did last night. (723 points, 34 comments)
    6. More evidence feds are aiming at heads: Deep hole in protester's helmet (479 points, 23 comments)
    7. President Trump Has Reenergized Portland’s Protests A "wall of moms" confront federal police in downtown Portland (435 points, 7 comments)
    8. Testimony of a Portlanders kidnapped by DHS Stormtroopers last night. (382 points, 21 comments)
    9. Federal Officers Appear to Be Using Rental Cars from Enterprise to Snatch Portland Protesters (350 points, 13 comments)
  22. 20341 points, 1 submission: Nawpo
    1. [Portland] 7/11/2020 Protester shot by impact munition last night. [graphic] (20341 points, 1824 comments)
  23. 19891 points, 14 submissions: quantumcipher
    1. "Police Kneeled With Me, Then They Drew Their Guns" - Across the country, the TV news has shown footage of police kneeling, hugging and marching with demonstrators against police violence. Unfortunately, police often behave far differently once the cameras are off. (7198 points, 155 comments)
    2. In five days, LAPD and LASD have brutalized and arrested 4 journalists who were documenting police activity. Three of the journalists were injured by police violence; two required hospitalization. LASD also assaulted lawyers from the @NLG_LosAngeles during a press conference. (5067 points, 144 comments)
    3. Prosecutor says cops did nothing wrong when arresting N.J. reporter who repeatedly told them, ‘I’m a reporter’ (1660 points, 26 comments)
    4. At least 125 press freedom violations reported over 3 days of U.S. protests (1642 points, 37 comments)
    5. "Seattle Police. Told us to disperse, but then mobilized bike cops to block exits. Forced us through gas, mace, flashbangs." (783 points, 36 comments)
    6. Portland Mom Says She Was Groped & Assaulted by Feds During Protest Arrest (667 points, 37 comments)
    7. Seattle officer who ran over man's head with bicycle facing criminal probe (549 points, 19 comments)
    8. Federal lawsuit calls Jacksonville protesters’ arrests illegal and violent (479 points, 4 comments)
    9. NYPD Releases Protester After Brutally Shoving Her Into Unmarked Van (394 points, 60 comments)
    10. Protesters and Lawmakers Are Concerned About the Effects of Expired Tear Gas: Local police and federal officers in Portland appear to have used expired munitions during the city’s nightly downtown protests, exposing protesters to a range of potentially dangerous and under-researched health effects (390 points, 9 comments)
  24. 19311 points, 1 submission: blackholevoyager
    1. He didn’t comply, he got back in his car, he threatened to kill an officer and wasn’t shot. (19311 points, 1225 comments)
  25. 19271 points, 2 submissions: thedavidcarney
    1. Absolute unit takes a beating standing up. Portland, 7/19 (18396 points, 623 comments)
    2. Police just tasered this protester in Bay Ridge Brooklyn (875 points, 75 comments)
  26. 19017 points, 1 submission: Instigator_____
    1. Philadelphia DA will criminally charge federal agents who "unlawfully assault" or "kidnap" Black Lives Matter protesters: "Anyone, including federal law enforcement, who unlawfully assaults and kidnaps people will face criminal charges from my office. At trial, they will face a Philadelphia jury." (19017 points, 452 comments)
  27. 18612 points, 9 submissions: bjorn1978_2
    1. “I’ll show you what f***ing freedom of speech is!” (7007 points, 304 comments)
    2. My Tires!! (4423 points, 312 comments)
    3. Hogtied black woman begged for help in police cruiser (2627 points, 101 comments)
    4. People playing music and dancing so cops tear gas them. (1848 points, 154 comments)
    5. Seattle PD hit a 21 year old female directly in the chest with a stun grenade. (952 points, 39 comments)
    6. Fed using his sneak attack skill in Portland (870 points, 75 comments)
    7. Minneapolis Police Attempt to Arrest A Man For Talking Then Shoot At Him In The Back With Less Lethal Munitions (346 points, 31 comments)
    8. Cop grabs kid from the throat and pins him down for Resisting Arrest (308 points, 45 comments)
    9. This can happen to anyone, Be careful, please (231 points, 25 comments)
  28. 17447 points, 1 submission: ClickingGeek
    1. Story in comments: Cop (Brian O'Quinn) stalked Rosalinda on and off for 9 years and then raped her in her home. Recently, another cop from the same department sexually assaulted her in broad daylight as she repeatedly demanded a female officer. (17447 points, 808 comments)
Top Commenters
  1. ItsJustATux (9924 points, 59 comments)
  2. gameld (7529 points, 15 comments)
  3. DankNerd97 (7493 points, 346 comments)
  4. HeyCharrrrlie (5941 points, 99 comments)
  5. Hundewu (5684 points, 1 comment)
  6. princesshabibi (5152 points, 161 comments)
  7. Mantstarchester (5029 points, 5 comments)
  8. _VisualEffects_ (4867 points, 51 comments)
  9. Banner80 (4814 points, 101 comments)
  10. The_Adventurist (4346 points, 84 comments)
Top Submissions
  1. NYPD drives around Harlem with their sirens on at 3am so people can't sleep. by nixtxt (85755 points, 5534 comments)
  2. Miami Police Officer charged after video emerges showing him kneeling on a pregnant womans neck, tasing her in the stomach twice. She miscarried shortly after. Officer lied in his report and fabricated events that never occured, charging her with Battery on an Officer and Felony Resisting. by Defenestration_Diety (48019 points, 1841 comments)
  3. Despite having a ticket to the event, Sheila Buck, a Tulsa resident, was arrested for wearing an “I can’t breathe” shirt. She was charged for trespassing despite having a ticket to the event. The Tulsa police have become a Trump’s personal lackeys. by mal_solor (41395 points, 1358 comments)
  4. We found 85,000 cops who’ve been investigated for misconduct. Now you can read their records... a few bad apples? Seems like the whole orchard is rotten by jpardue20 (38052 points, 826 comments)
  5. Cop who ‘threatened to shoot protesters through door of his home’ accidentally kills fellow police officer by lickmydick609 (30371 points, 1137 comments)
  6. Here is a video of them slashing the tires. My hard earned money goes to these idiots by Gplock (30110 points, 1098 comments)
  7. Police in Grand Rapids, Michigan spray a man directly in his face with pepper spray. ⁣ As he turns around, blinded, they fire a tear gas canister directly at his face from close range. ⁣ by tokenblackguy90 (26173 points, 1496 comments)
  8. Lyft Driver Pulled Over for Busted Tail Light, Black Passenger is Beaten and Choked Unconscious. by ItsJustATux (23807 points, 1741 comments)
  9. [Portland] 7/11/2020 Protester shot by impact munition last night. [graphic] by Nawpo (20341 points, 1824 comments)
  10. The LAPD in a perfect display of systemic racism by ApartheidReddit (20210 points, 548 comments)
Top Comments
  1. 7138 points: gameld's comment in NYPD drives around Harlem with their sirens on at 3am so people can't sleep.
  2. 5684 points: Hundewu's comment in NYPD drives around Harlem with their sirens on at 3am so people can't sleep.
  3. 4524 points: Mantstarchester's comment in NYPD drives around Harlem with their sirens on at 3am so people can't sleep.
  4. 3745 points: RuinedEye's comment in Cop who ‘threatened to shoot protesters through door of his home’ accidentally kills fellow police officer
  5. 3388 points: starvinggarbage's comment in Absolute unit takes a beating standing up. Portland, 7/19
  6. 3091 points: ItsJustATux's comment in Story in comments: Cop (Brian O'Quinn) stalked Rosalinda on and off for 9 years and then raped her in her home. Recently, another cop from the same department sexually assaulted her in broad daylight as she repeatedly demanded a female officer.
  7. 3043 points: soslime89's comment in He didn’t comply, he got back in his car, he threatened to kill an officer and wasn’t shot.
  8. 3030 points: Shh-NotUntilMyCoffee's comment in NYPD drives around Harlem with their sirens on at 3am so people can't sleep.
  9. 2965 points: ItsJustATux's comment in Lyft Driver Pulled Over for Busted Tail Light, Black Passenger is Beaten and Choked Unconscious.
  10. 2850 points: Paradox0111's comment in We found 85,000 cops who’ve been investigated for misconduct. Now you can read their records... a few bad apples? Seems like the whole orchard is rotten
Generated with BBoe's Subreddit Stats
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2020.10.26 16:24 throwawayadvicee042 Sleep nude mom

I sexted a lot, sent nudes, jerked off on cam, some of my nudes ended up online... I even sexted with fucking 35-ish year old woman and asked her to be her slave etc. because I saw it in porn and erotic stories...
When I was about 13-14 I did something horrible too. When some of family relatives were sleeping I put my penis on their feet and rubbed it for a second because I wanted to know how it feels.. :/ it happened few times... even did that to my mom... im sorry.
Then last year I used to go into our school lockroom during break and sniffed some of girl's shoes from my class....
I am a horrible person and guilt is eating me every fucking day. I'm 18 yr old now. I don't even deserve to have a girlfriend because I did disgusting things and I'm a sick pervert... :( I'm a fucking creep and I will probably die alone and anxiety is killing me everyday. I can't deal with guilt.
submitted by throwawayadvicee042 to NoFap [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 09:26 Pekinaso Nude sleep mom

LONG POST AHEAD. Tldr at the bottom. Honestly, I've been needing to vent about this for literal years. I'm writing this on my phone so sorry in advance for inevitable typos.
To introduce myself, I am a 22 year old Latina who lives in a "Catholic" (super lax on religious beliefs) household with a Dominican mom (51) and Puerto Rican dad (53, about to be 54). I was a pretty sheltered kid growing up but was always mostly obedient and studious. I did well in school, I didn't cause much trouble, I was a good kid with a pretty good amount of freedoms, though I was never allowed to attend or host sleepovers and I didn't hang out with friends very much. But growing up, everything went downhill after high school. I think it started either in freshman year or junior year, I can't quite remember anymore.
First thing that happened is I lost the freedom to play video games, one of my biggest hobbies, from Monday—Thursday, even if I had finished all my homework. No 1 hour, no 30 minutes, nothing. But Fridays after school, and the weekend, plus any holidays were all for me to do what I wanted. It's not a super serious change, but this is important for the future. It'll start snowballing really fast now.
So senior year rolls around, I'm pumped, I'm ready to kick 12th grade's ass and graduate. Until one particular class started kicking me down really bad. Remember how I said I did well in school? Well, I was usually a 4.0/A student, and failure frightened me because a failure usually meant some sort of punishment at home, which could be anywhere from losing a beloved hobby like gaming or drawing to getting a whooping with a belt. This class was ridiculous in its grading and handed me Ds and Fs, all of which were jarring and riddled me with anxiety. This class, on top of personal drama unfolding among friends in which I got caught up in and eventually led to me catching strong romantic feelings (another long story), was the catalyst for the depression I still have today.
Sidenote on how depression is, or at least was, viewed amongst my parents: a weak mentality. Suicide was also a weak mentality.
Back to the story. I tell my parents about my unhappiness with the class, they offer to help me transfer out. This is probably my fault, but it was already 4-5 weeks into the quarter and I didn't want to risk joining an easier class late and missing key knowledge. I chose to stay in the class (plus side: I got college credits out of it!) At home my parents do not have any sort of mercy. They keep checking my grades and are seeing an influx of Cs and lower.
Another sidenote: anything less than an A was garbage and a disappointment. Even an A- was shaky territory. B+? I have spit on my ancestors.
They proceed to make my life a living hell. Every hobby I love is gone, forbidden. I'm yelled at daily, my intelligence insulted. I'm not physically attacked, but the words hurt. I consider taking my life for the very first time on October 17, 2015, at 16 years old. I tell my parents. They are upset. My mom cries. My dad hides his emotion behind anger. They hit me with the typical "why are you doing this to us?" It turns out nobody cared about what I had to say, based on how the next years turned out.
October 20th, 3 days later, I enter my first serious and public relationship in 3 years, my first real relationship in 2 years (my second ever relationship was never public). But for a time, the relationship is hidden from my parents, who disallowed me from having a boyfriend. I tell them the news roughly a month later, they're surprisingly supportive though they don't like my choice due to an incident with my boyfriend 4 years prior where he was caught asking me for nudes and my mom went absolutely mental.
ANYWAY, all seems to be well, except in school. I've succumbed to the bullshit grading method of the class that kept failing me, and the attitude stretched to other classes as well, namely Art. This was especially bad because I always had a passion for drawing ever since I was little, so to see my favorite hobby wither away and die definitely affected me horribly. I pretty much failed that class, though I managed to pass the other class with at least Cs. I was no longer a 4.0 student, though it seemed that I had made some peace with that. It didn't help though, that my later failing grades were starting to be the fault of my boyfriend according to my parents, even though that was largely untrue.
Fast forward to graduation. I graduate. The rest of the day falls to shit because I lost my parents in the crowd, because I had forgotten where to find them (my memory took a major nosedive during senior year due to major lack of sleep, which rudely disturbed the perfect 8-hours-a-night sleep schedule I always had in my youth). My father throws a wild tantrum, yelling and me and belittling me. On the way to the car my mother tells him he "ruined everything", and he reacts by leaving the car and walking off, intent on walking home. We chase him down in the car. We catch up many times, but it takes multiple attempts to be able to pull over and talk to him. It's the first and only time I've seen my father cry. He gets in the car and we go home without further celebration. My mother never gets it in her head that she hurt my father with what she said, and continues to blame both me and him for the events of that evening. I'm still kicking myself over it today.
This is where my memory gets fuzzy, but my parents start getting strict regarding my relationship. Seeing my boyfriend every week turned into every other week, then every 3 weeks, then once a month. Then once every other month. Then longer. And longer. When I started my freshman year at college, I was now EVEN MORE forbidden from playing games; even my Fridays were being hijacked. This was especially not cool considering I had just purchased an Xbox One S with my first paychecks from my first job that summer, and was already making some good online friends. But whatever, I swallowed my disappointment and proceeded as usual.
Things got worse. Again, more fuzzy memory, but there were multiple instances where my mother put her hands on me. At first she would pull me by the hair and shake me, but it escalated to where she'd put her hands around my neck and attempt to choke me. I can't remember the reasons why, other than her blowing something ridiculously out of proportion (like me not changing my bedsheets in a timely manner or talking too loud through Xbox party chat) and thus angering me with her needlessly confrontational attitude, and then getting angry in response to my sass. I was no longer allowed at my boyfriend's house due to my mother's lack of trust because "there's no way your boyfriend loves you, he only wants sex!", and he was no longer allowed at mine because of "lack of manners" and my personal decision to avoid tension and anxiety.
Sidenote: remember how I mentioned "Catholic" household? Yeah. The sanctity of virginity applies here.
My parents become so micromanaging and helicopter-y that they essentially chased my boyfriend of 3.5 years away (we ended up getting back together and have now celebrated 5 years, so there's a happy outcome; though my parents are still unaware of this fact and I'm unsure of how to break the news...)
These days my mother continues to degenerate mentally, getting moodier and crazier and inventing more rules for me to prevent me from accessing my hobbies. I'm pretty sure she's also been messing with the internet at night, or at least telling my father to, to limit my nightly activities (hard to play Xbox without internet). As for my father, he stopped arguing with my mother and now takes her side on every ridiculous decision she makes even if he doesn't stand for it. He even took her immediate side the last time she put her hands on me and told him I PUT MY HANDS ON HER (I was able to convince him that was false but holy shit man). My mother is now even the type of person to care more about herself and her image than others': due to my intended major rejecting me twice, I'm being forced to take an extra year of undergrad college, and even them I'm still unsure if I'll need even more quarters after this 2020-2021 year. My mother threw a fit over this, because "now she doesn't know what to tell people when they ask about my schooling or graduation", as if the graduation is for her instead of me. She still hounds me about it now. I've gotten to the point where I no longer wish to talk about school, which for some reason makes her upset and confrontational. A more recent story is how she pretty much used my birthday, which just passed, as an excuse to do nice stuff for me and then had me cleaning the day after, belittling me and insulting me about some mold growing in my bathroom that I had told her about months ago but she conveniently "forgot" and acted as if I'd kept the mold a secret. It's always nice to be depressed and have a low self image, which she definitely knows about because I don't keep it hidden or secret, and still being called "disgusting", "lazy", "disappointing", and "a pig".
TLDR: my mother is batshit crazy and moody as hell, she berates me all the time and constantly makes new rules to sabotage my happiness and hobbies and fun, and sometimes she tries to choke me out. My father does nothing but take her side 95% of the time, and both have made serious negative impacts to my social life, and mental and emotional health. But neither will ever take responsibility for that or accept that they've hurt me.
submitted by Pekinaso to insaneparentstories [link] [comments]


2020.10.24 19:39 sad0555 Just got out of a suicde ward and she left me.

So ive posted here under another account, but I (24m) married my wife (23f) last October, shes a candian citizen and I'm an American sailor. We've known each other since 2011, and been dating since 2017. This January after 4 months of being married i found out that her claims of forced sex weren't so forced. That led to months of lying and finding out she had been sleeping with a couple guys and looking for a relationship locally all while holding me long distance. (She wore my navy shirts, accepted my gifts from overseas, told me she loved me, and sent nudes to me every other week)
Its been rough, we've been toxic, fighting and name calling, with covid, everything has gotten worse and worse for us. I used nicotine to calm my anxiety and it affected my work. Got worse for us. I said things i couldn't take back. With coivd we've had locked into a bubble at work, as if i was out to sea even if i wasnt. I got in trouble and i lost my rank (money with it) i got out of my non judicial punishment to tell her the bad news only to find she eas having an anxiety attack and telling me how she wasnt ready to make plans with me to close the long distance. It threw me into a spiral, but she sent me a picture of her crying and i backed off the stool and went to ask for help. I got admitted to the hospital for a whole week. While i was in the ward i asked my mother to text my wife in Facebook as she had already gotten rid of her American phone. When my wife realized i was trying to contact her she logged off of social media to make it harder to get ahold of her, in which my mom told her she sucked and got blocked
Once i was fianlly able to use my cell phone with with a doctor's order and talked to my wife. She told me how this marriage wasnt how she imagined it would be, and told me she needed a no talking seperation, my mom had upset her by snapping on her and talking to anyone of my family gave her anxiety as she was trying to grieve the 5th anniversary of her fathers death.
After i got discharged from the hosptial yesterday i talied to my sister who my wife had talked to in support about my mom, she had made my sister believe that my mom had snapped on her for no reason and told my sister how she cant stay in this marriage any more.
After talking to my mom and my sister i had ti talk to my wife even though i agreed to a no contact seperation, to talk about how hurt i was about being avoided in rhe hospital and how she twisted my sisters words to have a side against my mom. She betrayed the trust of all of us and she did it in front of my family. 😔
She told me that its too much for her, that no one cared about the 5th anniversary of her fathers death and respected her grieving. Shes done, shes committed to leaving Me now. She assures me how much she loved me, and how just cause we love each other it wont get better. 😔 it hurts so much that i got diagnosed just a little too late and she made that decision after i attempted suicide.
submitted by sad0555 to survivinginfidelity [link] [comments]


2020.10.24 16:23 gettingfitter2020 Nude sleep mom

Last week I was hit by the biggest wake up call of my life. I didn’t realise how bad my porn problem had gotten out of hand. I really hope someone can read this and let me know if I have any hope, if this is porn addiction, if the 90 day reset will work or if im a sick person.
This has been the hardest week of my life. I can’t eat I can’t sleep and I can’t think about anything else other than what I’ve done and what if wrong with me.
I’ve heavily watched porn since I was 14 years old. I then got in to “Mom” type fetishes for years before coming across some even harder stuff at 18 years old (not The worst content I couldn’t do that) but very bad. I dint watch this content much but I did see it. I watched porn heavily for the following years. Then discovered Cuckold and Hotwife porn. I watched that for multiple years and that was my go too. Then on Tumblr I came across the same bad content I watched years before. That was three years ago. I Only usually really watch cuckold and Hotwife porn. Then I came across the bad content again but didn’t click on it. But I nearly did. Then i went back and nearly clicked on it again. Thank god I didn’t but the fact I nearly did and felt like I wanted too. hit me like a tone of bricks. I sat up in bed and couldn’t believe what I had become. I cried, threw up, I’m shell shocked.
I started to remember all the horrible things I had done over the years including taking nudes from friends phones multiple times. Searching online for people’s nudes. It just hit me how bad it was and how I didn’t want to be this person.
I can’t believe I broke peoples trust. I feel like a crack addict who just woke up. Am I a porn addict or a sick person.
I didn’t watch porn everyday but would look at nudes everyday and when I did watch porn I would watch it for 3 - 5 hours, edging the whole time until I found the perfect video.
I have an amazing girlfriend who I love and adore. If she found out she would be broken. I’m so sick right now. I’m so scared for the future. What have I done!!?. Is this a porn addiction or am I a sick horrible person.
Can I change or am I doomed forever. I don’t want this to get any worse. I feel like my life is over.
I’m day 8 noporn and day 4 nofap. I can’t even get hard. I hate myself and don’t think I will feel happy again.
I suffer from Bad OCD and Anxiety which is making this 100 times worse because I can’t get it out of my head. I keep thinking the worst and can’t get it out of my head.
I’m totally ashamed and feel like a complete pervert. Will the reset help me or am I doomed. Right now I don’t want to see porn ever again.
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2020.10.24 13:39 theanashow Nude sleep mom

Am I bad person? This is long and TW of all kinds
Just like the title says, I have a lot to unpack here so I hope that anyone willing has some time to give me their genuine advice here. Please understand this will be a lot, so fair warning. Also, all the Tw should be placed on this
Throughout the years, just like everyone else, I've has friends come and go. But it first stopped feeling like a normal process right after high school. I definitely did the "fitting in" for a while because the first couple of years of high school, I was bullied so much the principle suggested to my mother that I try to stop trying to "stand out", I ended up switching school districts 3 times to get away from the torture. So after high school, it felt good to have some acceptance of some kind....even if I wasn't all of my self (plus I was going to some really awesome parties). For a long time, those friends came and went, but it was always easy to find people to party with....and I quickly learned that those people weren't my friends, and it was nothing real and like I was always going through the motions. I just knew that the bottom line was that no one cared about me. And at the end of the day, when all of these "friendships" ended, no one ever had anything good to say about me... and I couldn't understand why. I'm a genuine person, I tell the truth, I don't steal, I treat people with kindness, I fight for the people I care about...So what's the matter with me?
So after figuring this out, I went and found my old friends from high school that I loved and we got really close. I finally acquired a best friend (something I haven't done since I was a kid) and ended up spending a lot of time with her. We did what all best friends do and spend every waking moment together when she wasn't with her husband or either of us wasn't at work. She was the best thing that's ever happened to me platonically (and to this day I do miss her but would never ask her to be my friend again)
Admittingly, I've struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts, and jealously of other people's relationships to this day (since I have never had a relationship of my own). So I've been known to push people away with two methods 1. either through desperately clinging on to them to the point they think I am stalking them and could be a threat (I never have and never would come to that level) or 2. straight up just push them away and tell them they deserve better than me out the blue and take desperate measures to remove them out of my life.
So one night, I was planning to take my own life so I called her and told her she deserved better and that she should move on out of the blue. And she asked why and I hung up on her (to this day I don't think she knows why I did that). I texted everyone else on my phone and said the same thing, parked my car somewhere, turned off my phone and was ready to drive my car into the water (I didn't because the car wasn't mine technically and I started to feel bad about it). She says that she was crying that I (friend) broke up with her and her husband forbid that I ever see her again because of everything I put her through in the days to come after I found out that she had another best friend comforting her I got jealous and told her I would find her friend and beat the shit out of her (never did or would've...just wanted my friend back because of the obvious mistake I made). For the next two weeks, I did everything to fight for my best friend and she took me back but nothing was the same. So I broke things off again and promised that I'd leave her alone again forever (and that's where things stand now).
Rewinding a little, In high school, I had one boyfriend. We dated for one year and for half of that year he was abusive. I never knew how to come out to anyone at the time because 1. I was stupid enough to love him and 2. He never marked me up so I never had any proof so I didn't while we were together. He dumped me Nov 2, 2009. Also in high school, I was best friends with this guy, we hung out every day after my boyfriend dumped me so I wouldn't have to feel alone (it was platonic). We sat on his couch and watch movies Id never seen and Id walk home, but my ex always thought I was sleeping with him (since Id never slept with my ex, I was a virgin). One night, my friend had a party at his house, and it was a thing, everyone raced to his bed, and whoever got there go to sleep there (without him there) instead of sleeping on the floor. And that night I won. So all of us that raced went into the kitchen for shots. Long story short (since Id like to not relive the whole thing) my guy "best friend" raped me that night taking my virginity....leaving me to cry it out...Later telling me he never wants to talk to me again.
He ended up marrying my best friend that I talked about previously.
So I know I'm uploading right now, but I promise I am going somewhere.
A year after the encounter with my "guy best friend" I started hanging out with this girl I was partying with in high school and met this guy. He has a cool car (of course right?) and always came to my house to smoke me out. We got to know each other and he would come over and smoke me out every day. He introduced me to his friends and I eventually found out that we had a lot of friends in common already. Eventually, we started sleeping together since he was telling me things like "I really like you and I'd love to be with you" etc. This went on for 4 years until one day he calls me and tells me "id love you to meet my new girlfriend". So I have a meltdown, blowing up his phone trying to find out what happened, and he starts changing everything he'd been saying for the past 4 years without warning. So I spiral out of control and have my first suicide attempt. Come to find out, the entire time we'd been "together" he'd been telling his friends that I was just a slut and someone to get something from and nothing else since he was using me to cheat on his girlfriend the entire time.
(sorry, this is all over the place but I warned you and I am going somewhere with this. Just bear with me)
So fast forward past finally leaving my best friend and her husband alone and second-guessing drowning myself. And moving across the country to put everything behind me...Since everyone I know hates me no one wants to talk to me. There was always one guy that I always thought that I might end up being with one day. He was always extremely nice to me when everyone treated me like shit. A little background, when I was overweight he was the only person that said "wow" and talked to me about how great I looked in a dress at a party. He kissed me a few times amongst a few other things (never has sex). But the truth was he was out of my league because he only did any of these things when he was drunk. So one day after I moved I messaged him how I felt about him. He had a serious girlfriend at the time so I was fully aware that nothing would come of it but I just wanted to get it off of my chest. He was really nice about it and we just started talking about random stuff for a couple of days so I felt comfortable asking questions like "would you ever be with someone like me". In my mind, the context was supposed to be like "would someone like you want to ever be like me" but it never came out that way...So asking questions like that obviously was very inappropriate... but that's not what I wanted. One night he ended up texting me and telling me he was horny and I told him that wasn't something he should be telling me...he started asking me for nudes and stuff so I ignored him (I'm pretty sure he was just drunk). So one day we had a pretty serious talk about something I was going through and how people keep dipping out of my life and I didn't understand why. The talk eventually boiled down to him promising me that he wasn't going anywhere, so I assumed I had a friend. Be being the dumb ass I am, I started blowing up his phone up (I was upset about something and I cant remember), and his girlfriend saw and thought he was cheating. So he texted me and demanded that I say we don't have a relationship, so I did because it was the truth. But I also wanted to be honest with her, so I told her everything. I told her about what I originally said, what he said when he told me he was horny, I mean everything. So she asked me if I thought it was cheating and I told her in my mind I would but its up to her how she wants to interpret it because ultimately she knows their relationship better than me. So a few hours later he texts me furious telling me to never speak to him again. I explained to him that I just wanted to be honest. He blocked me on everything I could contact him on and I did everything in my power to apologize but haven't been able to since.
While this is all happening. When I moved, I met this older couple that let me move in their basement with 3 other people (it was a big basement) as long as I keep a job and pay rent. I stayed with them for a year. Within that year I paid for my own food, toiletries, etc, and always paid on time. Everything was great, I had a couple of depressive episodes (going through the above and the death a family member) . They kept cameras in the common areas (because they had a lot of nice things and lived in a sketchy area, and had them before I got there). Everything was going really well until one day one of my roommates (that works nights) barges in and yells "some of my weed is missing!" and since i was the only one awake at the time he assumed it was me (although I did nothing). I let him know I did nothing and even showed him my own supply as proof but it wasn't enough for him. So he expected me to pay for more, and obviously, that's not going to happen (we live in Colorado). A week later he moves out but not before telling me how terrible of a person I am and that he hopes that I kill myself. ...even though I did nothing. After he left, it comes out that serval things of their other roommate's things are missing and they all think it was me even though I never touched anyone's stuff. So the next night I move out and start sleeping in my car until I get money for a hotel.
(Almost done guys.)
My mom and I have been really close for all of my life since she's been basically all I've got parent wise. But only recently did I realize how toxic our relationship is. For most of my life I have needed her help because I have been through so much. And even though early adulthood I still needed her. But now I am almost 30 and although right now things are crazy.. I really don't need her. When I moved out of my roommate's situation, She just so happened to be visiting for Christmas. So I told her I was getting a hotel and was going to find another roommate or just get an apartment. So instead, she purposely missed the flight that resulted in her in losing the job that she has for 30 years. And she got stranded here trying to "dig" me out of a situation that I didn't need to be dug out of. So without keeping everyone here longer than they need to be, my mom ended up getting COVID and was under the ventilator for 10 days and nearly lost her life (google Ravi Turman). We are currently homeless and living a hotel because couldn't trust me to take care of something myself.
So I said ALL of this because I wanted to give everyone real instances in my life some where people knew me well and some where they didn't. Some where I clearly messed up and some where I didn't and some where I don't know to ask this:
---What is wrong with me? Am I a bad person? I try so hard every day and do my best every day to be a good person but every day I can't help but see instances where people keep giving up on me without looking back. No one that has ever met me will ever have anything good to say about me although I cannot tell you a single time in my life where I have purposely meant anyone any harm. I don't mention family here (besides my mom) because of none of them like me, just tolerate me. People expect something out of me that Im not and I try to show them...but they won't even take the time to see.
---Im burned up by this because I moved two years ago and have no friends because I am terrified to put myself out there in fear of just making more enemies that I love. I've never even been in a serious (romantic) relationship and that seems so far from a possibility now because people can't even stomach me on regular basis let alone love me. So its just become a sad dream.
I pray all of this made sense so whatever advice you may have can be something tailored....because I am tired of living this way.
submitted by theanashow to BPD [link] [comments]